I’ve often found that true emotional intelligence isn’t about having the perfect reaction to every tough situation—it’s about knowing when to say or do less.

Sometimes it’s the ability to pause and hold back that separates a knee-jerk response from a thoughtful, empathetic one.

The more I’ve observed people who excel at managing their emotions (and the emotions of those around them), the more I’ve noticed a pattern: they understand the power of restraint.

In my own life, I’ve occasionally slipped up—maybe I said a harsh word when I was frustrated or jumped to an unwarranted conclusion.

But over time, with age and a bit of humility, I’ve learned that some of the wisest things we can do happen during these small moments in daily life.

It’s during these moments that emotionally intelligent folks choose to hold back on purpose.

Below are eight such moments I’ve observed (and occasionally tried to practice myself). Let’s dig in.

1. Holding back when someone is rude

Ever been in line at the grocery store when a stranger suddenly snaps at you for accidentally bumping into them with your cart?

It’s easy—and perfectly understandable—to want to lash out in return.

But in my experience, the best approach is often the simplest: take a breath, give a small apology for the accidental bump, and carry on.

Why does this matter? Because escalating a rude encounter usually achieves nothing other than raising your blood pressure.

Instead, emotionally intelligent people choose to disengage from the heat of the moment.

They don’t let a stranger’s poor manners ruin their day.

According to Psychology Today, people who respond calmly to rudeness have lower stress levels over time.

It’s a simple demonstration of how refusing to add fuel to a tense situation can safeguard your mental well-being.

2. Holding back when gossip is circulating

We’ve all been there: a friend or coworker leans in and says, “Hey, did you hear about so-and-so?”

Next thing you know, you’re tempted to chime in with some juicy detail you heard through the grapevine.

But emotionally intelligent individuals often steer clear of adding any more drama to the rumor mill.

They might nod politely, say something neutral, and then pivot the conversation.

Why? Because the temporary thrill of sharing a piece of gossip is rarely worth the long-term implications.

Trust is a fragile thing, and gossip has a way of breaking it quickly.

As Eleanor Roosevelt is often quoted as saying, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

There’s some truth in that sentiment.

Elevating the conversation by not participating in gossip can help maintain healthier, more authentic relationships in the long run.

3. Holding back when feeling the urge to boast

I can’t say I’ve never bragged.

Let’s be real: sometimes I feel proud of something I’ve accomplished, and I want people to know it.

But I’ve noticed that highly self-aware people tend to pause before they start listing off accolades or achievements.

Why hold back here? Because constant self-promotion can be off-putting and can overshadow genuine connection.

If we keep steering every conversation back to our personal success, we lose the chance to truly hear and appreciate what others have to share.

Sure, it’s nice to get recognition. But there’s an old saying I love: “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth.”

It reminds me that a little humility goes a long way, and that the more we let our actions speak for themselves, the more authentic respect we earn from the people around us.

4. Holding back on instant feedback—especially when emotions run high

In one of my previous posts here on the Global English Editing blog, I touched on the importance of timing when giving constructive criticism.

If you’re a regular reader, you may remember I mentioned that immediate feedback can sometimes do more harm than good, particularly if emotions are still raw.

Picture a scenario at work: your colleague just botched a presentation, and you want to offer some pointers.

Before you rush in, it might be worth asking yourself, “Is this the right moment, or should I wait until the dust has settled?”

Emotionally intelligent folks take a beat, gather their thoughts, and let their cooler heads prevail before delivering input.

By waiting, they ensure their feedback is coming from a place of genuine support and logic—not frustration or haste.

That simple act of restraint can make all the difference between a friend or colleague feeling valued instead of criticized.

5. Holding back in heated family disagreements

I’m part of a big family—throw in my grandchildren and my dog, Lottie, and you’ve got a lively household indeed.

Emotions can run high, especially during holiday gatherings or family reunions.

Sometimes, old grievances bubble up like they happened just yesterday.

In those moments, I’ve learned that silence, or at least a measured response, can be golden.

Instead of engaging in a verbal tug-of-war, emotionally intelligent folks often quietly wait out the initial wave of tension.

They let others vent, show empathy with a nod or gentle eye contact, and only then chime in with their perspective once things have cooled slightly.

As Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Stoic philosopher, wrote in his Meditations, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

Keeping quiet while tempers flare is a way of exercising that mental muscle.

It reduces the likelihood of saying something hurtful in the moment and fosters an environment where genuine reconciliation is possible.

6. Holding back in moments of self-doubt

Self-doubt can rear its head at the most inconvenient times.

Maybe you’re about to take on a new project or speak up during a meeting, and suddenly your inner critic tells you you’re not qualified enough, smart enough, or experienced enough.

In those instances, emotionally intelligent folks hold back on feeding that negative self-talk.

They recognize self-doubt for what it is: a passing feeling, often fueled by fear rather than facts.

Instead of vocalizing every uncertainty, they pause and evaluate whether these doubts are rational or just a momentary wave of anxiety.

I recall a period in my life when I was transitioning from my office career to becoming a writer.

A part of me wanted to broadcast every insecurity—“I’m too old for this,” “No one wants to read my stuff”—but holding back from that negativity allowed me to keep moving forward, one paragraph at a time.

If I’d given those doubts too much airtime, I might’ve shelved my writing aspirations altogether.

7. Holding back from quick judgments of others

Have you ever been at a park or a social event and found yourself making a snap judgment about someone based purely on a brief interaction?

Maybe it’s a parent who seems too lenient with their child, or a friend who consistently arrives late.

It’s easy to label them as irresponsible or disorganized. But the truth is, we rarely know the full story.

Emotionally intelligent people acknowledge that first impressions can be misleading.

They hold back on labeling or judging someone until they have a more holistic understanding of the context.

Perhaps that parent is dealing with a child who has special needs, or your perpetually late friend is juggling multiple jobs to make ends meet.

This mindset shift cultivates empathy, reduces negative assumptions, and often leads to deeper and more meaningful connections.

As Brené Brown has said, “We’re all made of strength and struggle.” By refraining from quick judgments, we leave room to see both.

8. Holding back from oversharing personal struggles

I’ve been around long enough to see how societal norms about vulnerability have changed.

It used to be taboo to discuss personal problems; nowadays, folks sometimes share extremely personal details online for all to see.

While openness can be healthy, emotionally intelligent people understand there’s a difference between healthy vulnerability and oversharing.

They choose carefully who they confide in and when.

They consider the context: is this the right time, place, and audience for this story?

Are they seeking genuine support or unintentionally placing emotional burdens on the listener?

I won’t pretend to have it all figured out, but I’ve discovered that being selective about what we share can actually foster closer bonds.

People appreciate authenticity, but they also appreciate boundaries.

A balanced approach—where vulnerability meets discretion—keeps relationships respectful and sincere.

To sum up

That’s my list of moments when holding back might actually bring you closer to the kind of emotional balance you’re looking for.

I know it can be tempting to always speak your mind, or jump on every opportunity to show off, vent, or critique, but every now and then, pressing the “pause” button can be the most powerful choice you make.

So, what do you think? Is there a particular moment in your life where a little restraint could transform the entire outcome?

Next time you feel the urge to blurt out that comeback or post that rant online, consider giving yourself just a moment of stillness.

You might be surprised at the results—and you might even find a new level of emotional intelligence you never knew you had.

Until next time, here’s to a little more pause and a lot more peace in our day-to-day lives.

After all, knowing when to hold back is sometimes the strongest move of all.