I’ve been around long enough to know that parenting is a never-ending evolution.

One day, you’re teaching your kid how to ride a bike, and the next, they’re moving into their own place—and somewhere in between, there’s a whole lot of learning (and unlearning) we parents go through.

Over the years, I’ve heard plenty of stories from friends, neighbors, and even my own readers here at Global English Editing about those heartbreaking moments when adult children begin to drift away.

It can feel confusing, painful, and even a little lonely.

Maybe they don’t call as often, or they’re always “too busy” to swing by for dinner.

But here’s a thought: how we respond when our adult children pull back can make all the difference in whether that relationship remains distant—or eventually comes back to a healthy closeness.

So let’s talk about six things emotionally intelligent people do in these situations.

1. They pause to reflect on their own behavior

I’ve learned that whenever friction arises in any relationship, it’s often a sign that it’s time to look inward first.

It’s easy to point the finger at your adult child and assume they’re “just going through a phase,” but sometimes the real growth starts with a little self-reflection.

I remember a period years ago when my son was in his early thirties.

He started pulling away, missing family get-togethers, and offering only the briefest phone calls.

I caught myself in a spiral of, “Why is he doing this?” instead of asking, “Have I said or done something that made him distance himself?”

Emotionally intelligent parents often ask themselves questions like:

• Have I respected their boundaries?

• Have my words been overly critical or judgmental?

• Did I offer help without being asked?

A lot of times, adult kids crave more independence, and if we come across as controlling or overly involved, they might pull back to protect their own space.

Reflecting on my own behavior forced me to see that my “advice” sometimes came across as micromanagement—something I’ve covered in a previous post.

I had to adjust my approach to give him the breathing room he needed.

2. They communicate honestly (and gently)

One of the biggest mistakes I see parents make (myself included) is deciding that silence is easier than an awkward conversation.

But that silent void can be interpreted as anger, dismissal, or lack of care.

Emotionally intelligent people gather their courage and open up a dialogue, even if it feels uncomfortable.

It might be a heartfelt email, an old-fashioned letter, or a phone call where you simply say, “I miss you, and I’d like to understand how we can reconnect.”

Notice that this approach isn’t demanding; it’s an invitation.

Research backs this up.

Experts claim that open communication—where each side expresses needs and concerns—can significantly reduce long-term estrangement between parents and adult children.

The trick is to listen actively when they do respond. Don’t jump in to defend yourself; let them share how they feel.

As Winston Churchill famously said, “Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”

In this context, it means sometimes those first conversations might not go as planned, but you keep trying.

The key is to stay committed to honest, gentle communication, rather than letting one rocky discussion shut everything down.

3. They respect boundaries but don’t give up on the relationship

Boundaries can feel like a loaded word, but in reality, they’re a natural part of adult relationships—even with our own kids.

Emotionally intelligent people recognize that their children, now grown, have their own ideas, schedules, and emotional bandwidth.

Years ago, my daughter would get frustrated whenever I popped by her home unannounced.

Where I saw a spontaneous visit, she saw an intrusion into her private time.

I learned that I should call or text first, asking if it was a good time to drop by or chat on the phone.

This small act of respect signaled that I valued her space, which helped ease the tension.

However, respecting boundaries doesn’t mean retreating entirely.

It’s about finding that sweet spot: you acknowledge your adult child’s autonomy while maintaining a consistent line of connection.

A simple text message, “Thinking of you—no rush to respond,” can strike that delicate balance between care and respect.

4. They offer support without strings attached

Have you ever had someone offer to “help” you, but it turned out to be more like a bargaining chip to gain influence over your life?

That never feels good.

Some parents (my younger self included, I’m ashamed to say) can slip into a habit of conditional support.

We might say we’re ready to help, but in the back of our minds, we expect gratitude, reciprocation, or even compliance with our advice.

Emotionally intelligent folks take the opposite approach: they offer help purely out of love and with no hidden agenda.

If you can lend them some money, give it freely without controlling how they spend it—or if that’s too risky for your comfort, better to say no than dole it out with strings attached.

As Brené Brown has noted: “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

When you help your adult child from a place of genuine compassion, you’re being vulnerable—putting your trust in them without expecting anything in return.

This can foster deeper respect and warmth in the relationship.

5. They adapt to the changing parent-child dynamic

I’ll never forget the day my daughter bluntly told me, “Dad, I’m not fifteen anymore.”

It stung, but it was the reminder I needed that time moves on, and so do family roles.

The father-child dynamic naturally evolves, especially as kids become parents themselves.

Emotionally intelligent parents learn to see their adult kids as peers in some respects.

That doesn’t mean you’re suddenly best buddies, ignoring the history and hierarchy that’s shaped your relationship.

But it does mean giving them the respect you’d offer any other adult—acknowledging their accomplishments, their struggles, and their right to make decisions without parental interference.

I’ve seen some grandparents struggle when their adult children decide to parent differently than they did.

The grandparents might feel judged or overlooked. But emotionally intelligent individuals lean into acceptance.

They understand that every generation faces unique challenges, and they adapt their expectations to the modern realities their kids are navigating.

As the Stoic philosopher Epictetus once said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

When we adapt and react with respect and understanding, we pave the way for a healthier long-term relationship.

6. They invest in their own well-being

A while back, I found myself moping around the house because one of my kids hadn’t called in weeks.

My wife gently pointed out that I was letting my happiness hinge entirely on whether the phone rang.

That was a wake-up call.

Emotionally intelligent parents recognize that their own well-being is crucial.

Rather than sitting by the phone or checking social media for “signs” of their adult child’s life, they focus on what they can control—like hobbies, social circles, volunteer work, or even adopting a dog for company (that’s how I ended up with my beloved Lottie!).

What’s more, when we’re emotionally healthy, we radiate a sense of calm and acceptance that can draw our children back toward us.

People are generally more inclined to connect with someone who’s content and balanced, rather than someone who appears perpetually anxious or upset about the relationship.

Just recently, I revisited a classic book called Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

He wrote about how we can’t always control the circumstances around us, but we can control our response and find meaning in our struggles.

It echoed something I’ve witnessed in my own life: by focusing on our personal growth, we can create a more welcoming environment for family members to return to when they’re ready.

To sum up

When all’s said and done, every family situation is unique.

I’m no know-it-all, but I’ve watched enough family dynamics (including my own) to recognize patterns—and to see how emotional intelligence can shift the narrative from “lost connection” to “reconnection.”

If you find yourself feeling hurt or confused because your adult child seems to be pulling away, consider giving these six approaches a try.

Reflect on your own behavior and attitudes. Communicate gently but honestly.

Respect their boundaries, offer genuine support, adapt to the changing dynamic, and never forget to nurture your own mental and emotional health.

At the end of the day, parent-child relationships are like a two-way street.

You can’t control their side of the road, but you can certainly keep yours in good repair.

And you never know—sometimes, all it takes is a well-maintained, welcoming path for them to find their way back home.

So the question I’ll leave you with is this: which one of these steps will you take first?