My mom always used to tell me: “It’s good to talk.”

Looking back, she was spot on.

Especially when it comes to complex feelings, lingering issues, or frustrations you have with someone.

If you don’t let it out, it only gets worse. Gently simmering away in the background until one day, out of nowhere, you explode in a wave of emotion.

Unfortunately, we don’t all have the luxury of having someone to talk to.

We might also be reluctant, embarrassed, or simply not have the communication skills to express ourselves.

This doesn’t end well (trust me).

Here are seven ways adults (who struggle to express their feelings) can lash out. 

Do you recognize any?

1) Use someone as a punching bag

I’m talking about taking it out on someone else.

Even if they’ve done nothing wrong.

In psychology, they call it displacement.

It’s classic schoolyard bully stuff that unfortunately stays with us into adulthood.

Here’s the thing.

When you’re angry, frustrated, and feeling helpless, you can build up a head of steam. If you’re unable to calm down (and resolve the issue through respectful communication), it can take a more toxic form.

Feelings can be transferred from one thing to another (displaced).

Maybe you have a bad day at work. Once you get home that evening you take out your anger on your family. 

But remember, the underlying issue is your disappointing day, your family has done nothing wrong!

It doesn’t have to be directed toward people either.

Sometimes frustration can be released by smashing computer monitors, punching holes in the wall, or even trashing entire rooms in a fit of rage.

2) Sarcastic remarks

Passive-aggressive behavior is less direct but can be just as difficult to deal with.

It’s when people say something seemingly positive, however, when you read between the lines there’s a double meaning or undercurrent of sarcasm.

In other words, they’re saying something without saying it.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say you’re always late for work. One day you manage to arrive on time and your boss calls you out in front of everybody:

“So nice of you to join us on time today. The early bird catches the worm!”

Passive aggression can also come in the form of actions.

If you buy someone a calorific cake when you know they’re trying to lose weight.

This kind of lashing out is a sure sign that someone is harboring resentment (and can’t express themselves directly).

It results in them skirting around the topic with passive remarks rather than dealing with the issue head-on.

3) Hit the self-destruct button

Self-destructive behavior is when someone purposely does something that they know will cause harm to themselves (either physically or mentally).

Gambling is a good example.

They’re well aware of the situation. They know they’re unlikely to come out on top but are so frustrated (and filled with despair) that they actually want to lose a ton of money.

It’s like they flip.

Seeing how far they can push it. To rock bottom and beyond.

Lashing out with self-destructive behavior includes having fights with loved ones, breaking up with partners, and sabotaging relationships.

It can also involve more serious actions like physical self-harm and even suicide.

4) Withdraw and isolate

Not as dramatic but potentially more scary is when someone becomes withdrawn.

Whether it’s a couple of days of the silent treatment from your partner or months of not hearing from your best friend, shutting down and refusing to engage can signal serious deep-rooted issues.

There are several reasons for it (not all bad).

Sometimes people just need some time to reflect or rethink their lives. 

They might be starting a new business or discovering a new hobby that requires a ton of their time.

But in some instances, social isolation can indicate depression, anger, or burnout.

It’s often because they’re unable (or unwilling) to express their feelings and get things off their chest.

5) Point the finger

Playing the blame game is common among emotionally trapped people.

It’s a classic psychological defense mechanism that kicks in. Usually, when someone is feeling frustrated and doesn’t know how to react.

Finding a scapegoat for an unfortunate situation helps people deal with pain or suffering. In their minds, by passing the blame they’re washing their hands of all responsibility. They see it as just getting unlucky.

This keeps their ego and sense of worth intact.

Pointing the finger is a typical way of lashing out when you’re feeling angry about something.

6) Enter a state of denial

Denial means not admitting the truth or accepting the reality about something (usually unpleasant).

It’s another natural defense mechanism designed to protect someone from discomfort or anxiety.

Everyone reacts differently to trauma. If they can’t express how they’re feeling deep down, simply denying the problem exists is one solution.

It can affect close friends and family around you.

For example, your state of denial could be seen as gaslighting. This may cause conflict, misunderstanding, and put pressure on close relationships.

7) Toxic escapism

Finally, one extremely common coping mechanism used by people who struggle to express their feelings is escapism.

I’m not talking about romantic country walks or star gazing.

But the more toxic and negative forms.

Think of video game addiction, alcoholism, drug abuse, and violence.

They all have one thing in common. They’re great at distracting you from your problems (in the short-term at least). This makes them incredibly addictive.

Alcohol is a big one.

It depresses your senses. This numbs your perception of the world around you and helps you stay in the moment.

That is until the next morning when you have a terrible hangover, lack of sleep, and all your problems are still there.

It can be all too easy to become trapped in a daily cycle of alcoholism.

Let it be a strong reminder that the best way to deal with life’s problems is to find someone to talk to. Express yourself, explore your feelings, and be transparent.

You might be surprised at how much better you feel after venting.