A lot of people pity me for being single in my 40s, but my life has never been better. Here’s how I’m finding fulfillment in being alone.

Approaching the milestone of my 40th birthday, sympathetic glances and words of comfort inundated me, all centered around my enduring singleness. Contrary to the prevailing notion that my life had taken a tragic turn, it had, in fact, blossomed.
As I blew out my 40th birthday candles, despair eluded me. Liberation washed over me, for I possessed good health, a thriving career, a robust circle of friends and family — and answered to no one but myself.
Don’t misunderstand; I’ve navigated relationships and heartbreaks, enduring countless dates that led nowhere. Each failed attempt at love chipped away at my hope for companionship until I realized: I could be content on my own.
That’s when I intentionally embraced singlehood as an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. It was a radical departure that required adjustment, but two years on, I can confidently attest to never having been happier.
This is a glimpse into my journey of finding fulfillment in solitude in my 40s, marking the most rewarding chapter of my life thus far.
Discovering the joys of solitude
In the beginning, spending time alone felt awkward. I was so used to the constant chatter and companionship that silence felt strange. But once I got past the initial discomfort, I realized just how liberating this newfound solitude could be.
I started with small things like dining alone. No longer was I dragging a friend to that new Thai restaurant I wanted to try. Instead, I went by myself, indulged in my favorite dishes, and savored every bite without distraction.
Next came solo travel. Venturing into unknown territories without a companion was daunting, but it was also exhilarating. It gave me a sense of independence I’d never known before. From navigating foreign streets to absorbing new cultures — every moment was a testament to my resilience and adaptability.
I also picked up new hobbies — painting, pottery, yoga. These activities not only filled my time but gave me a sense of accomplishment. Seeing a painting come to life or mastering a challenging yoga pose was incredibly satisfying.
The most significant revelation, however, was realizing that my happiness wasn’t tied to someone else’s presence in my life. It came from within me — from pursuing my passions, exploring the world on my terms, and enjoying my own company.
But this journey of self-discovery didn’t come without its share of challenges and skepticism. Many couldn’t fathom how I could be happy being single in my 40s. This societal pressure often made me question my choices and happiness.
Facing societal misconceptions about singleness
Being single, especially in your 40s, often comes with a societal stigma. People tend to equate being single with being unhappy or unfulfilled. The constant inquiries about my love life, the raised eyebrows when I mentioned I was single — it was clear that my lifestyle was not the norm.
But this societal narrative of singleness equalling loneliness couldn’t be further from my truth. Each solo adventure, each quiet night in, each moment of self-reflection — they all brought me immense joy and satisfaction.
I found that being alone did not mean being lonely. In fact, it provided opportunities for self-discovery, personal growth, and independence that I wouldn’t have experienced otherwise.
The idea that happiness and fulfillment can only be found in a romantic relationship is deeply ingrained in our society. It’s a narrative that we’ve been fed since childhood through fairy tales and romantic comedies.
This societal pressure often led to self-doubt. Was there something wrong with me? Was I missing out on something essential? But with time, I realized that my happiness didn’t have to fit into society’s mold.
Embracing singleness and finding happiness within
If you’re in a similar situation and feeling the pressure of societal norms, my advice to you is to embrace your singleness. Start by spending time with yourself and discovering what you truly enjoy.
For me, it began with dining alone. This small step led to bigger adventures like travelling solo. Each experience was a stepping stone towards becoming comfortable in my own company.
Next, explore your interests. It could be painting, cooking, hiking, or anything that brings you joy. The goal is to engage in activities that make you happy and fulfilled.
Most importantly, understand that it’s okay to be single. Being single isn’t synonymous with being lonely or unhappy. It’s a state where you get to know yourself better, explore your interests, and live life on your own terms.
Taking a step back and embracing self-empowerment
When I first found myself single in my 40s, I was overwhelmed by societal expectations and judgments. But then, I took a step back. I acknowledged my situation, faced it head-on, and took responsibility. It was tough, but it was also liberating.
I started questioning societal norms and expectations that had shaped my life until then. Why did being single have to equate to being unhappy? Who decided that fulfillment could only be found in a romantic relationship?
This questioning led me to understand that most of what we perceive as normal or true often stems from external influences — societal expectations, parental pressure, cultural norms. Once I recognized this, I began to live life on my own terms.
Here’s what I learned:
- Acknowledge your situation, even if it’s not what society deems ideal.
- Understand that societal conditioning can influence your perceptions.
- It’s okay to be single. It’s not synonymous with being lonely or unhappy.
- Seek self-empowerment by breaking free from societal expectations.
- Pursue your personal ambitions and desires, not ones imposed by others.
Remember, the journey of self-exploration isn’t always easy but it’s worth it. When you start living life on your terms, you’ll find a sense of purpose and direction that is truly empowering.