9 ways to be direct but also show tact

Graeme Richards by Graeme Richards | April 10, 2024, 5:15 pm

Walking the line between being direct and showing tact can feel like a high-wire act. Too much honesty, and you risk offending someone. Too much tact, and your message might get lost.

Striking the right balance is crucial, especially when you’re trying to convey important information or feedback. And trust me, it’s an art form that takes practice.

But don’t worry, I’ve got your back! I’m here to guide you through the process with “9 ways to be direct but also show tact”. By implementing these techniques, you can have those tough conversations without stepping on toes.

This article will help you communicate effectively without compromising the feelings of others. So, let’s dive in!

1) Use the “sandwich” technique

Ever heard of the “sandwich” technique? It’s a tried and true method that’s often used in the world of feedback and it works wonders in being direct while also showing tact.

Here’s how it works: start with a positive comment (the top slice of bread), follow with your constructive criticism or direct comment (the filling), and then finish off with another positive comment (the bottom slice of bread).

This way, you’re not only getting your point across directly but also ensuring that the other person doesn’t feel attacked. You’re softening the blow while still making sure your message is heard.

Remember, the key here is to be genuine with your positive comments. People can easily pick up on insincere praise. So be honest, direct, and kind – it’s a winning combo!

2) Mind your language

I’ve found that the words we choose to use can make a huge difference.

Let me share an example from my own life. Once, I had to talk to a team member about consistently missing deadlines. Instead of saying, “You’re always late with your work,” I chose a more tactful approach. I said, “I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s tough for you to meet deadlines. Is there something we can do to improve this?”

By focusing on the issue and not the person, I avoided putting them on the defensive. And by wording it as a shared problem rather than their fault, we were able to have a productive conversation that led to better time management strategies.

So remember, when you need to be direct, the words you use matter a lot. Always focus on the issue, not the person.

3) Practice active listening

Active listening is a communication technique that involves fully focusing on, understanding, and responding to a speaker. It’s not just about hearing the words; it’s about understanding the message behind them.

Research shows that only about 25% of us actually retain what we hear. That’s an alarming statistic, and it has huge implications when it comes to effective communication.

When you actively listen, you show respect for the speaker’s viewpoint. This makes them more likely to listen to you in return when you’re being direct. Plus, understanding their perspective can help you frame your message in a way that they’re more likely to accept.

So, practice active listening. It’s a game-changer!

4) Be empathetic

Empathy is key in any form of communication. It’s about putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and understanding their feelings and perspectives.

When you need to be direct, try to imagine how the other person might feel receiving your message. This can help you adjust your language and approach to be more tactful.

For instance, if you’re giving feedback on someone’s work, remember how it feels to be on the receiving end. This can guide you in delivering your message in a kinder, more considerate way.

Showing empathy doesn’t mean sugar-coating the truth. It simply means acknowledging the other person’s feelings and showing respect for their viewpoint. And this, my friends, is a surefire way to communicate directly while keeping the peace!

5) Choose the right time and place

When you’re about to be direct, especially with something sensitive, timing and setting are crucial.

No one likes to be called out in front of others. It’s embarrassing and can make the situation worse. If you have something direct to say, do it privately. This shows respect and gives the other person space to respond openly.

And timing? Just as crucial. If the person is already having a stressful day, your direct comment might just add fuel to the fire. Wait for a moment when they are more relaxed and open to conversation.

Remember, being tactful is not just about what you say, but also when and where you say it.

6) Keep your emotions in check

Let’s face it, emotions can run high when we’re dealing with sensitive topics. But allowing your feelings to take over can turn a well-intended conversation into a heated argument.

I’ve learned that it’s crucial to keep your emotions in check when you’re trying to be direct. It’s okay to feel, but letting your emotions control your words can lead to saying things you may regret later.

It can be helpful to take a few deep breaths before you speak, or even practice what you’re going to say beforehand. This helps ensure that your message comes across as clear and sincere, not as an emotional outburst.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about getting your point across. It’s about preserving the relationship, too.

7) Use “I” statements

I’ve realized over the years that using “I” statements can be a powerful tool when trying to be direct yet tactful.

There was a time when a friend of mine consistently cancelled our plans at the last minute. It was frustrating, but I didn’t want to risk hurting our friendship by being too confrontational. So, instead of saying, “You always cancel our plans,” which would likely put her on the defensive, I said, “I feel disappointed when our plans get cancelled frequently because I look forward to spending time with you.”

By framing my feelings as my own experiences rather than accusing her, it opened up a productive conversation without damaging our relationship.

So, when you need to be direct, try using “I” statements. They can help you express your feelings without blaming or criticizing the other person.

8) Be concise

When you’re being direct, it’s important not to beat around the bush. Get to the point, but do it in a considerate and respectful manner.

Long-winded explanations or excuses can dilute your message and make it harder for the other person to understand what you’re trying to say.

Remember, being concise doesn’t mean being curt or rude. It’s about expressing your thoughts clearly and succinctly while respecting the other person’s time and attention.

So, keep it short and sweet. Your message will be much more effective that way.

9) Show appreciation

Finally, remember to show appreciation. It’s a simple gesture that can go a long way in smoothing over any potential rough edges of a direct conversation.

Thank the person for taking the time to listen and for their willingness to understand your perspective. This not only ends the conversation on a positive note, but it also reinforces the idea that direct communication can be productive and respectful.

So never forget to say thank you. It’s the cherry on top of a tactful conversation!

Wrapping it all up

At the end of the day, being direct yet tactful is a dance – a delicate balance of honesty and empathy.

It’s about understanding that every word we utter and every silence we maintain can impact someone else. And it’s not just about what we say, but also how, when, and where we say it.

Being direct doesn’t mean being harsh, and showing tact doesn’t mean being elusive. It’s about finding that sweet spot where clarity meets kindness.

The philosopher Plato once said, “Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.”

So next time you need to be direct, pause for a moment. Consider your words, your approach, and the impact they might have. Because true wisdom lies not just in speaking your mind, but also in doing so with grace and consideration.

And remember, each conversation is an opportunity to learn, grow and improve our communication skills. So let’s keep dancing!