9 things you should never tolerate from someone (even if you love them)

Tina Fey by Tina Fey | May 18, 2024, 3:54 pm

There’s a vast difference between accepting someone’s flaws and tolerating abusive behavior.

This disparity lies in respect. When you accept someone’s flaws, it’s because you understand nobody’s perfect, including you.

But tolerating harmful behavior, even from someone you deeply care about, is self-disrespectful.

Even in the name of love, there are certain behaviors that are unacceptable.

And smart people know that there are specific things you should never endure, no matter what.

Here are some things you should never tolerate from anyone, even if you love them.

1) Disrespect

There aren’t many things more crucial to a healthy relationship than mutual respect.

And sensible individuals understand the importance of maintaining their dignity.

Often, you’ll find yourself in situations where, despite your affection, you’re treated poorly. This can be a challenging situation to navigate.

Welcome to the concept of self-respect.

Self-respect is an idea that implies the acknowledgment of your own worth. The fundamental notion is that we should never accept behavior that disrespects us.

Think about it. It’s the principle behind every self-help book and the essence of countless motivational speeches.

When a person is confronted with disrespectful behavior, they may often suppress their feelings to maintain peace.

But let me tell you this: it’s not worth it.

If you ever find yourself in such a situation, it’s crucial to stand your ground and demand the respect you deserve.

But don’t forget, it’s equally important to give respect if you expect it in return.

2) Dishonesty

Lying is a deal-breaker in any relationship, be it with a friend, family member, or partner. And let me tell you, I’ve learned this the hard way.

In my early twenties, I had a close friend; we’ll call him Jake. Jake was charismatic, funny, and we shared countless good times together.

But there was one significant flaw in our friendship—Jake was a habitual liar.

From small white lies about why he’d missed our coffee dates to bigger deceptions about his personal life, it was a continuous cycle of mistrust.

And though I loved Jake like a brother, the dishonesty started taking a toll on me.

I’d always find myself doubting his words, and questioning his actions, and the trust that once was the foundation of our friendship began to crumble.

This is when I realized that no matter how much you love someone, dishonesty is something you should never tolerate.

It not only breaks trust but also leaves you questioning your own judgment.

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, remember my story and know that it’s okay to distance yourself from dishonest people.

It’s not just about their integrity; it’s about preserving your peace of mind.

3) Emotional manipulation

Emotional manipulation is a subtle yet powerful tool used by some individuals to control others. It’s a tactic that can often go unnoticed, leaving the victim in a state of confusion and self-doubt.

One sneaky form of emotional manipulation is gaslighting, a term derived from the 1944 film “Gaslight,” where a man manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.

The manipulator twists facts, denies reality, and discredits the victim’s experiences to assert control and create doubt.

Gaslighting can happen in various relationships – from parent-child dynamics to romantic partnerships, and can lead to severe emotional distress for the victim.

If you ever feel like your reality is being twisted or your emotions are being played with, stand up against it.

Emotional manipulation is a gross violation of basic human rights and something you should never tolerate, regardless of who’s doing it.

4) Constant criticism

Constructive criticism is healthy and aids growth. But when it turns into a consistent barrage of negativity, it becomes detrimental to your well-being.

We all make mistakes, and it’s essential to learn from them. However, when someone is continuously pointing out your flaws, belittling your efforts, or making you feel inadequate, it’s a clear sign of disrespect.

Enduring such behavior can harm your self-esteem and hinder your personal growth.

It’s crucial for your mental health to surround yourself with positivity and encouragement rather than constant negativity.

Everyone has the right to be treated with kindness and respect.

Don’t hesitate to distance yourself from individuals who consistently bring you down.

After all, you deserve an environment that supports and uplifts you, not one that constantly criticizes you.

5) Lack of support

In this journey we call life, having a supportive network of people around you is incredibly important.

They are the ones who cheer you on during your victories and lift you up during your defeats.

However, if you find that someone you care about doesn’t support your dreams or belittles your achievements, it’s a serious red flag.

A healthy relationship, be it friendship or romantic, is built on mutual support and respect for each other’s individuality and ambitions.

If someone you love is always discouraging you or making light of your accomplishments, it’s a sign of disrespect and disregard for your feelings.

It’s important to surround yourself with people who believe in you, inspire you, and encourage you to reach for the stars.

Don’t tolerate lack of support from anyone, even if you love them.

6) Unwanted physical contact

This one is incredibly close to my heart. No one, and I mean no one, should ever endure unwanted physical contact.

It is an absolute breach of personal boundaries and a violation of your rights as a human being.

Even if it’s from someone you love, any form of physical contact that makes you uncomfortable or that you did not consent to should never be tolerated.

Your body is your own, and you have the absolute right to decide who can touch it and how.

It’s not about being overly sensitive or overreacting; it’s about respect and consent.

If someone crosses this line, speak up, stand your ground, and don’t let anyone invalidate your feelings.

Your comfort and safety are paramount. Don’t ever compromise them for the sake of someone else’s desires or intentions.

7) Neglect

Friendships and relationships should be a two-way street. They require effort, care, and attention from both sides to thrive.

But there was a time when I found myself in a one-sided relationship.

I was always the one reaching out, making plans, and putting in the effort to keep the connection alive.

It felt like I was fighting a losing battle, constantly feeling neglected and unimportant.

This experience taught me a valuable lesson – that neglect is not something to tolerate, no matter how much you care for the person.

A relationship should never be a solo effort; it must be nurtured by both parties.

If you ever find yourself feeling neglected, remember that you deserve attention, care, and love.

Don’t settle for less because you’re worth so much more.

8) Disregard for your time

Time is one of our most valuable resources. Once it’s gone, we can never get it back.

That’s why it’s essential to surround ourselves with people who respect our time.

If someone consistently shows up late, cancels plans at the last minute, or keeps you waiting without consideration for your schedule, it’s a clear sign of disrespect.

This behavior shows a lack of regard for your time and commitments.

And remember, just because you care about someone doesn’t mean you should let them take advantage of your time.

Everyone deserves respect, and that includes respect for their time. Don’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t value yours.

9) Abuse

This is by far the most significant thing you should never tolerate from anyone. Abuse, be it physical, emotional, or verbal, is an absolute deal-breaker.

Abuse is not a sign of love, but rather a display of power and control. It’s damaging, harmful, and can leave lifelong scars.

If you are in an abusive situation, know this: it’s not your fault, you’re not alone, and help is available.

Reach out to trusted friends, family members or professionals who can provide support and guidance.

Remember, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and kindness.

Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. You are worthy of love that doesn’t hurt or harm.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-worth

At the heart of the matter, the things you should never tolerate from someone stem from a single, powerful concept: self-worth.

Every human being has intrinsic value. You are valuable and deserving of respect, kindness, and love.

This isn’t a negotiable fact; it’s a fundamental truth of existence.

The late Maya Angelou, a renowned American poet and civil rights activist, once said, “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

This quote resonates profoundly when discussing what behaviors we should and shouldn’t tolerate.

It’s essential to remember that tolerating harmful behavior doesn’t equate to strength or resilience. Instead, it often leads to self-doubt, lowered self-esteem, and emotional distress.

In the end, it’s crucial to establish healthy boundaries in your relationships. Stand your ground when those boundaries are violated. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that threatens your peace of mind, self-respect, or self-worth.

You owe it to yourself to ensure that your relationships – with friends, family members, or partners – are built on mutual respect, understanding, and love. Remember: you deserve nothing less.

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