It’s quite the contrast, being emotionally secure versus emotionally chaotic. Emotional security allows you to make better decisions, react more positively to life’s curveballs, and most importantly, not waste time on things that don’t really matter.

Being emotionally secure means you know what’s worth your energy and what isn’t. It’s about understanding your emotional value and not letting unnecessary things consume your precious time.

What are these things emotionally secure people never waste time on? Well, I’ve identified nine key areas. So sit tight, and let’s dive in.

In this article, I’ll shed light on these nine areas to help you navigate your emotional landscape more efficiently.

Ready? Let’s get started.

1) Dwelling on the past

Emotionally secure people understand that the past is just that – the past. It’s a place to learn from, not a place to reside in.

They recognize that spending time dwelling on past mistakes, regrets, and missteps is not only unproductive, but it’s also a surefire way to get stuck in negative thought loops.

Sure, we’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all had experiences we wish we could do over. But emotionally secure people understand that ruminating on these things does nothing but drain their energy and steal their present joy.

Instead, they choose to learn from their past, and then they let it go. They focus on the present moment and look forward to the future with optimism and hope.

The past cannot be changed, but how you choose to deal with it can significantly impact your emotional well-being.

Don’t let it consume you. Learn, grow, and move forward. That’s the emotionally secure way.

2) Comparing themselves to others

One thing I’ve learned in my journey towards emotional security is that comparison truly is the thief of joy.

There was a time when I would constantly measure my success, my achievements, and even my happiness against that of others. If someone else had more, was doing more, or seemed happier, I felt like I was failing. It was a destructive cycle that left me feeling perpetually inadequate.

But emotionally secure people don’t waste time on this kind of self-sabotage. They understand that everyone’s journey is unique and that success is not a zero-sum game.

They appreciate what they have and don’t feel threatened or lessened by the success of others. Instead, they use it as inspiration and motivation.

Today, I actively practice gratitude for what I have and where I am in life, rather than comparing myself to others.

This shift in mindset has significantly improved my emotional well-being and freed up so much mental space for positivity and growth.

3) Trying to please everyone

Emotionally secure people understand a simple but crucial principle: It’s impossible to please everyone.

In fact, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who are overly accommodating and strive to keep everyone happy often experience higher levels of stress, depression, and poor health.

Emotionally secure individuals embrace the reality that not everyone will like or agree with them, and that’s okay.

They don’t bend over backward to secure the approval of others at the expense of their own needs and values.

Instead, they focus on being true to themselves and maintaining authenticity in their relationships.

They understand that trying to please everyone is not only exhausting but also a futile pursuit that can lead to emotional burnout.

4) Holding grudges

Holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. Emotionally secure people grasp this concept well.

They know that grudges don’t harm the person they’re aimed at nearly as much as they harm the person holding them. A grudge is like a mental and emotional ball and chain that drags you down, hinders your progress, and keeps you stuck in a cycle of negativity.

So instead of wasting time and energy on grudges, emotionally secure people choose to forgive.

They understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning the wrong done to them.

Rather, it’s about freeing themselves from the burden of resentment and opening up space for peace, growth, and positivity.

5) Fear of change

Change is a part of life. It’s inevitable and constant. Emotionally secure people understand this and they don’t waste time fearing it.

Instead of resisting change, they embrace it. They see it as an opportunity for growth, learning, and new experiences.

They believe that flexibility and adaptability are key to navigating life successfully.

Instead of fretting over what might go wrong, they focus on what could go right.

They approach change with curiosity and optimism, seeing it as a new adventure rather than a threat.

Fear of change only keeps you stuck in your comfort zone. Growth happens outside of it. Embrace change, don’t fear it.

6) Negative self-talk

We all have an inner voice, that little nagging commentator in our heads. But for some of us, that voice can be harsh, critical, and incredibly damaging.

Emotionally secure people don’t waste time entertaining negative self-talk. They understand that the way they talk to themselves matters. It shapes their perceptions, influences their emotions, and guides their actions.

Self-compassion is their approach. They speak to themselves with kindness and understanding, acknowledging their flaws without letting them define their worth.

Your words have power – even the ones you say to yourself. Choose them wisely.

Speak to yourself like you would to someone you care about. You deserve that same kindness and respect.

7) Avoiding alone time

I used to fear being alone. I thought it meant I was unlovable or unwanted. I would constantly surround myself with others, evading any chance of solitude.

But as I’ve grown emotionally secure, I’ve realized that there’s a powerful difference between being alone and being lonely. Emotionally secure people don’t shy away from spending time alone. They see it as an opportunity for self-reflection, self-care, and personal growth.

In solitude, I’ve found peace and clarity. It has given me the space to understand myself better, to process my thoughts and feelings without outside noise.

Alone time isn’t something to be feared. It’s a chance to recharge, to check in with yourself, and to practice the art of enjoying your own company.

8) Living up to societal expectations

Society has a way of imposing expectations on us – about what we should do, how we should behave, what success looks like. Emotionally secure people, however, don’t waste time trying to fit into these molds.

They understand that everyone’s path is unique, and trying to live up to societal expectations often leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness. They value their individuality and aren’t afraid to go against the grain if it aligns with their values and goals.

Instead of following the crowd, they follow their own path. They live life on their own terms, not someone else’s.

Your life is yours to live. Don’t let societal expectations dictate your choices or define your worth.

9) Worrying about things outside their control

One of the most liberating realizations you can have is understanding that you can’t control everything. Emotionally secure people grasp this and don’t waste time worrying about things they can’t change.

They focus their energy on areas where they can make a difference. They accept the things they cannot control and work diligently on the things they can.

This doesn’t mean they’re indifferent or passive.

It simply means they have the wisdom to know the difference between what’s in their hands and what’s not, saving them a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety.

It’s about finding peace in accepting the uncontrollable while taking action where possible.

Final thoughts: It’s all about balance

The journey to emotional security is a personal and individual one, and it requires a delicate balance of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-improvement.

Becoming emotionally secure doesn’t mean you’ll never experience negative emotions or face challenges. It means you’ll have the resilience and the tools to navigate those situations without getting stuck in them.

It’s about understanding what serves your emotional well-being and what doesn’t, then choosing to focus your time and energy on the former.

Emotional security isn’t a destination but a continuous journey. It’s about learning, growing, and evolving as you navigate through life.

So as you reflect on these nine things that emotionally secure people never waste time on, ask yourself: Where can I make changes? What can I let go of? How can I nurture my emotional well-being more effectively?

Because at the end of the day, your emotional security is too precious to be wasted on things that don’t serve you.