Self-confidence is a vital ingredient in any healthy relationship. When it’s missing, things can get a little tricky.

Men, just like women, can sometimes struggle with self-confidence. This lack of confidence often leads to certain behaviors that can be damaging to a relationship.

I’ve seen it happen, and maybe you have too – men who act out in relationships because they’re not feeling secure in themselves.

In this piece, I’ll be unpacking 9 common things men do when they’re lacking self-confidence in a relationship. It’s not about blaming or shaming, but about understanding and empathizing.

So, let’s dive into these behaviors and see if we can make some sense of them.

1) Over-apologizing

It’s common courtesy to apologize when you’ve done something wrong. But have you ever noticed someone who seems to be saying sorry for things they don’t need to?

Men lacking self-confidence often fall into the trap of over-apologizing. It’s as though they’re constantly walking on eggshells, terrified of upsetting their partner.

These constant apologies can stem from a place of insecurity and fear, rather than genuine remorse. They’re scared of confrontation, and would rather take the blame themselves than risk an argument.

So, if you find your man constantly apologizing for the smallest things, this could be a sign that he’s struggling with self-confidence.

Remember, it’s not about blaming him. It’s about recognizing his insecurities and supporting him through them.

2) Seeking constant reassurance

I remember being in a relationship with a guy who was constantly seeking validation. “Do you love me?” “Are you sure you’re happy with me?” “You wouldn’t leave me for someone else, would you?” These questions were a daily occurrence.

It’s natural to seek reassurance every now and then. We all have our moments of insecurity. But when it becomes a persistent need, it’s often a sign of low self-confidence.

He was always fishing for compliments and needing me to affirm my feelings for him. This constant need for reassurance can be exhausting for the other person and can create an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship.

If you find your partner frequently needing reassurances about your feelings, this could be a sign of his lack of self-confidence. It’s not about getting annoyed with him, but understanding that he may be battling his own insecurities.

3) Avoiding confrontation

Men who lack self-confidence may often avoid confrontations. They would rather maintain peace at all costs than express their feelings or stand up for themselves.

This behavior is backed by research. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people with low self-esteem are more likely to avoid confrontations than those with high self-esteem.

Avoiding confrontations might seem like a good strategy short-term, but it can lead to unresolved issues piling up over time, causing even bigger problems in the relationship.

So if your man is constantly ducking difficult conversations or arguments, it could be a sign he’s dealing with a lack of self-confidence. It’s important to create an environment where he feels safe to express his feelings and views.

4) Constantly comparing themselves to others

Men lacking self-confidence often fall into the trap of comparing themselves to others, especially in the context of a relationship. “Why can’t I be more like her ex?” “Why can’t I earn as much as her co-worker?” These are the types of questions they might ask themselves.

This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. They start to believe that they’re not good enough, which can further erode their self-confidence.

If your partner is always comparing himself to others, it’s a clear sign that he’s struggling with self-confidence. It’s essential to reassure him that you chose him for who he is, and not in comparison to anyone else.

5) Overly controlling behavior

It may sound counterintuitive, but sometimes men who lack self-confidence can exhibit overly controlling behavior. This stems from their inner insecurity and fear of losing their partner.

They try to control aspects of their partner’s life in a misguided attempt to secure the relationship. This could manifest as wanting to know their partner’s whereabouts all the time, dictating who they spend time with, or even trying to control what they wear.

If your man is showing signs of being overly controlling, it could indicate that he’s grappling with self-confidence issues. It’s crucial to have open conversations about this issue and seek help if necessary. Overly controlling behavior can be harmful and should not be ignored.

6) Neglecting their own needs

In a heartwarming attempt to please their partner, men who lack self-confidence often neglect their own needs. They’re so focused on making sure their partner is happy and satisfied that they forget to take care of themselves.

It’s like they’re always putting their partner first, often at the expense of their own well-being. They may skip out on activities they love, or ignore their personal goals in favor of their partner’s.

Seeing your man constantly neglect his own needs can be a clear sign he’s struggling with self-confidence. It’s important to remind him that his needs matter too, and it’s okay for him to prioritize himself sometimes. After all, a relationship is about balance, and both partners’ needs should be valued and respected.

7) Struggling with decision-making

There was a time when I was involved with someone who would always defer to me when it came to making decisions. From choosing where to go for dinner to deciding on our vacation destination, he would always say, “Whatever you want is fine with me.”

At first, it might seem sweet and accommodating. But over time, it became clear that his constant deferral was rooted in a lack of self-confidence. He was afraid of making a wrong choice and disappointing me.

If your man is always deferring to you and struggles to make decisions, it could indicate that he’s dealing with self-confidence issues. Encourage him to express his preferences and reassure him that his opinions and choices matter.

8) Overcompensating

Sometimes, men who lack self-confidence overcompensate in other areas to make up for their insecurities. They might try to prove their worth by buying expensive gifts, going out of their way to show off their achievements, or even exaggerating their skills or experiences.

This overcompensation is an attempt to hide their insecurities and make themselves feel more confident. But it can often come across as boastful or arrogant, which can strain the relationship.

If your man is constantly overcompensating, it could be a sign that he’s dealing with a lack of self-confidence. It’s important to reassure him that he doesn’t need to prove his worth and that you value him for who he is.

9) They become overly defensive

The most telling sign of a man lacking self-confidence in a relationship is when they become overly defensive. Even the slightest critique or disagreement can be perceived as a personal attack, leading to unnecessary arguments and tension.

Their defensiveness is really just a shield to protect their fragile self-esteem. They might feel that any criticism, no matter how small, threatens their worth in the relationship.

If your partner is often defensive, it’s a clear sign that he’s struggling with self-confidence. It’s essential to approach these situations with understanding and patience, while also addressing this behavior constructively.

Final thoughts: Building bridges, not walls

The journey of understanding and empathizing with men who lack self-confidence in relationships is about building bridges, not walls. It’s about reaching out and extending a hand of support rather than pushing them back into their shell.

According to psychoanalyst Carl Jung, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” For men grappling with self-confidence issues in a relationship, this acceptance can be a daunting task.

By recognizing these behaviors, we can start to understand the challenges they face and the insecurities they deal with. It’s not about judging them or labeling them as ‘insecure.’ It’s about acknowledging their struggles and helping them find their way.

Remember, self-confidence isn’t built in a day. It’s a process, a journey that requires patience, understanding, and love. It’s about creating an environment where they feel valued and appreciated for who they are.

As we navigate these often turbulent waters together, let’s remember to show kindness, empathy, and patience. After all, we’re all human, and we’re all just trying to make sense of this complicated thing called life.