Emotional resilience is a lot about what you don’t do, as much as what you do.

Being emotionally resilient doesn’t mean you won’t experience difficulty or distress – we all do. It’s how quickly we bounce back that matters.

The key is not wasting time on certain negative behaviors and thoughts. Not dwelling on the past, not worrying about things they can’t control, and certainly not being overly self-critical.

As a person who has been through the ups and downs of life, I have learned that emotionally resilient people have certain habits. They know what to avoid to maintain their mental strength and composure.

Let’s delve into these 9 things that emotionally resilient people don’t waste their time doing.

It’s a list I hope will inspire you to cultivate your own emotional resilience.

1) Dwelling on the past

Emotionally resilient people understand the importance of the here and now.

They recognize that the past, with all its trials and tribulations, can’t be changed. It’s a movie that’s already been played out and there’s no point in hitting replay over and over again.

Instead of wasting precious time dwelling on past mistakes or misfortunes, they focus on learning from their experiences. They see every setback as a setup for a comeback.

The past may have shaped them, but it doesn’t define them. They choose to move forward, armed with the wisdom their past has gifted them.

Being emotionally resilient doesn’t mean you don’t feel the sting of past hurts.

It just means you don’t let it hold you hostage. You feel it, learn from it, and then let it go.

2) Worrying about things they can’t control

A big part of emotional resilience is knowing where to invest your energy.

I remember a time when I was particularly anxious about a major presentation I had to deliver. I spent sleepless nights worrying about how it would be received, whether the technology would fail, or if people would even show up.

Then, a good friend reminded me of a simple truth: “You can only control what you can control.” That was a game changer for me.

I realized that I had no control over people’s reactions, the technology, or their attendance. But what I could control was my preparation and the way I delivered my presentation.

So, I shifted my focus to these aspects that were within my control. The result? I delivered one of my best presentations ever.

Emotionally resilient people don’t waste time on things beyond their control.

They focus on influencing areas where they can make a difference.

It’s not about being indifferent; it’s about being effective.

3) Comparing themselves to others

In the age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison.

The highlight reels of people’s lives on Instagram or Facebook can make anyone feel inadequate. But emotionally resilient people don’t fall for this trap.

Did you know that research suggests that using social media excessively can lead to feelings of envy and the distorted belief that others lead happier and more successful lives?

Emotionally resilient people understand this. They know that everyone is on a unique journey, with their own sets of strengths and weaknesses, highs and lows.

They focus on their own progress and personal growth, rather than comparing themselves to others.

They understand that life isn’t a race against others, but a journey towards becoming the best version of themselves.

4) Holding onto grudges

Emotionally resilient individuals understand the power of forgiveness.

Holding onto grudges is like carrying a heavy backpack around all day – it’s exhausting, slows you down, and serves no real purpose.

Resilient people choose to drop this metaphorical backpack. They realize that forgiveness is less about releasing the other person from their wrongdoings and more about freeing themselves from the burden of resentment.

They know that holding onto anger and grudges only harms them and hampers their emotional well-being.

Instead, they choose to let go, forgive, and move forward towards a healthier mental state.

5) Avoiding risks

Emotionally resilient people aren’t afraid to step out of their comfort zones.

They understand that life is a series of calculated risks. Whether it’s starting a new job, moving to a different city, or trying a new hobby, they’re willing to take the leap.

They don’t see failure as a dead end, but as an opportunity for growth and learning. They’re aware that the biggest risk in life is not taking one at all.

Instead of avoiding risks, they embrace them, knowing that every step, whether forward or backward, is a step towards personal growth.

6) Ignoring their emotions

Being emotionally resilient doesn’t mean suppressing or ignoring your emotions. Quite the opposite.

Emotionally resilient people acknowledge their feelings. They allow themselves to feel sadness, anger, or frustration without judgment or criticism. They understand that these emotions are not signs of weakness, but a natural part of being human.

They believe in the power of emotional honesty – with themselves and others. By acknowledging and processing their emotions, they prevent these feelings from turning into internal roadblocks.

It’s important to remember that being emotionally resilient doesn’t mean you don’t feel pain; it means you know how to navigate through it.

It’s about being honest with yourself, feeling your feelings, and moving forward with strength.

7) Seeking validation from others

There was a time in my life when I constantly sought validation from others. Whether it was for my appearance, my work, or my decisions, I found myself dependent on others’ approval to feel good about myself.

It was exhausting and emotionally draining. It wasn’t until I understood that my worth wasn’t tied to others’ opinions that I began to experience true emotional freedom.

Emotionally resilient people don’t rely on external validation to feel worthy. They understand their worth comes from within. They appreciate compliments, but they don’t need them to feel good about themselves.

They validate themselves and their feelings.

They recognize their accomplishments, big or small, and celebrate their own growth and progress. They know they are enough, just as they are.

8) Neglecting self-care

Emotionally resilient people understand the importance of self-care.

They know that their mental well-being is closely tied to their physical health. So, they take time out for themselves, they exercise, eat healthy, and ensure they get enough sleep.

They also understand that self-care includes setting boundaries and saying no when necessary. They prioritize their own needs and aren’t afraid to put themselves first when required.

In essence, they see self-care as a necessity, not a luxury. They believe in the adage “You can’t pour from an empty cup” and ensure they take care of themselves before helping others.

9) Giving up after setbacks

The most fundamental quality of emotionally resilient people is their unwavering persistence.

Life will inevitably throw challenges and setbacks. But emotionally resilient people don’t let these discourage them or push them off their path. They view setbacks as temporary hurdles, not insurmountable obstacles.

They understand that failure is not the opposite of success, but part of the journey towards it. They learn from their mistakes and use them as stepping stones towards their goals.

In essence, they adopt a ‘never give up’ attitude. They keep going, keep trying, and never lose sight of their dreams. Because they know that the only sure way to fail is to stop trying.

The essence of resilience

Emotional resilience is more than just a trait; it’s a way of life, a personal philosophy that guides how we navigate the world.

It’s not about avoiding hardships or pretending they don’t exist, but about confronting them head-on with courage, wisdom, and a positive mindset.

Remember, it’s not the adversity that defines us, but how we respond to it. The Japanese have a beautiful proverb: “Fall seven times, stand up eight”. That’s emotional resilience in a nutshell.

As you journey through life, remember to hold onto to these nine habits and let go of behaviors that no longer serve you. Because at the end of the day, resilience isn’t just about surviving life’s storms, but learning how to dance in the rain.