There’s a stark contrast in the upbringing of those who had warm, loving parents and those who had cold, unaffectionate ones.

The difference is palpable, not just in memories, but also in subtle behaviors that persist into adulthood.

When parents are cold and detached, it shapes a child’s world in ways that are often overlooked. It’s not readily visible but it’s there, subtly influencing how they interact with the world around them.

Growing up with such parents can lead to a host of subtle signs that may go unnoticed. But once you know what to look for, you’ll see them.

So let’s delve into the world of these individuals and explore the 9 subtle behaviors of people who grew up with cold and unaffectionate parents.

1) Emotional self-reliance

Growing up with cold and unaffectionate parents often leaves a child to fend for themselves emotionally.

This self-reliance can be observed in the way they handle their emotions as adults. They tend not to reach out to others when they are struggling, instead choosing to deal with their problems on their own.

This is because, from a young age, they’ve learned that emotional support was not readily available from their parents.

This behavior doesn’t mean they’re emotionally void. Far from it. They just tend to internalize emotions and deal with them independently.

However, this emotional self-reliance can often lead to an inability to ask for help when it’s needed, which can be a double-edged sword in adult relationships.

It’s important to understand that this behavior is not a conscious choice but a learned response from their early years.

2) Difficulty in expressing affection

As someone who grew up with cold and unaffectionate parents, I’ve always found it challenging to express my feelings towards others.

I remember, as a child, watching my friends being hugged and kissed by their parents and wondering why it wasn’t the same with mine. As I grew older, this translated into an unease and hesitation when it came to expressing feelings of affection.

It’s not that I don’t feel affectionate or loving, it’s just that I struggle with how to show it. Sometimes, I hold back from hugging a friend who’s upset or telling a loved one how much they mean to me. It’s like there’s a barrier that holds me back.

This behavior is common among those who grew up in a similar environment. It’s not a lack of emotions but rather an uncertainty about how to express them appropriately.

Understanding this can go a long way in building relationships with people who had similar upbringings. It’s not about forcing them to be more expressive, but rather creating a space where they feel safe enough to express themselves in their own time and way.

3) Overly independent

Children with cold, unaffectionate parents often grow into adults who are excessively independent. They’re used to handling things on their own and may struggle with the concept of relying on others.

This is not just anecdotal observation, it’s backed by research. A study found that children who received less warmth from their parents were more likely to develop an avoidant attachment style. This style is characterized by a strong need for self-reliance and a discomfort with intimacy and dependency.

These individuals often find it hard to ask for help or delegate tasks, even when they’re overwhelmed. They may also struggle with forming close relationships, as they’re uncomfortable with the idea of depending on someone else.

However, it’s crucial to remember that this behavior is not a sign of arrogance or stubbornness. It’s more of a defense mechanism developed in childhood to cope with a lack of emotional support. Understanding this can help in fostering stronger relationships with such individuals.

4) High self-criticism

One subtle behavior often seen in individuals who grew up with cold and unaffectionate parents is a high level of self-criticism. They can be incredibly hard on themselves, setting high standards and punishing themselves when they fall short.

This tendency towards self-criticism can stem from the lack of parental warmth and reassurance during their formative years. Without the necessary validation, they may have developed a belief that they needed to be perfect to be worthy of love and attention.

As adults, this can translate into a constant need for self-improvement and a fear of making mistakes. While striving for excellence is not inherently bad, it becomes a problem when it’s fueled by self-doubt and a harsh inner critic.

Remember, understanding these behaviors is the first step towards empathy. It’s not about blaming or judging, but about creating a compassionate understanding of how early experiences can shape our adult behaviors.

5) Control over emotions

One key trait you might notice in people who grew up with cold, unaffectionate parents is a strong control over their emotions. They may seem always composed and rarely show strong emotional reactions.

This stems from their childhood experiences where showing emotions might have been met with negative responses or outright ignored. As a result, they learned to suppress their feelings and maintain a calm exterior, regardless of what they’re experiencing internally.

As adults, this can often be misinterpreted as being aloof or detached. However, it’s more about self-preservation and avoiding vulnerability.

Understanding this behavior is key to building meaningful connections with these individuals. Patience and empathy can help them feel safe enough to gradually share their emotions without the fear of negative repercussions.

6) Craving for approval

Deep down, individuals who had cold and unaffectionate parents often carry a profound craving for approval. This desire might not always be visible on the surface, but it’s there, subtly shaping their actions and decisions.

Growing up without the warmth and validation that every child deserves can leave a lasting imprint. As adults, they may continuously seek approval from others to fill that void. This could manifest in their striving for perfection, their drive to succeed, or their need to please others.

It’s like they’re constantly trying to earn the love that they should have been freely given during their childhood.

If you know someone who exhibits this behavior, remember, your patience and understanding can make a world of difference. Offering them genuine appreciation and validation can help them realize that they are deserving of love and respect just as they are, without needing to prove anything.

7) Fear of rejection

There’s a constant fear that often lingers in the back of my mind, the fear of being rejected or abandoned. This fear is not born out of any recent event or relationship, but from a childhood spent with cold, unaffectionate parents.

This fear can subtly influence decisions, interactions, and relationships. It can cause hesitations in forming close bonds with others, or an over-eagerness to please, just to avoid potential rejection.

It’s a tough way to live your life, always worrying about being left out or not being good enough. But it’s a survival mechanism that was developed during the formative years and it takes time and patience to unlearn.

If you recognize this behavior in someone, remember that understanding and reassurance can go a long way in helping them overcome this fear.

8) Difficulty trusting others

A common trait among individuals who grew up with cold and unaffectionate parents is a difficulty in trusting others. They might be wary of forming close relationships, often expecting disappointment or betrayal.

This mistrust stems from their early experiences where the people who were supposed to love and protect them were not emotionally available. As a result, they learnt to guard their feelings and remain cautious in their interactions with others.

This behavior might make them seem distant or detached. However, it’s important to remember that this is not about being standoffish, but more about self-protection.

Building trust with these individuals might take time and patience, but it’s definitely possible. Consistency, honesty, and understanding are key in helping them open up and trust again.

9) Resilience

Perhaps the most remarkable trait of individuals who grew up with cold and unaffectionate parents is their resilience. Despite their challenging upbringing, they have a unique strength and tenacity that is truly admirable.

This resilience stems from their early experiences where they had to navigate their emotional world independently. They’ve learned to adapt, persevere, and find strength within themselves, even in the toughest of circumstances.

Their journey might not have been easy, but it has made them into the resilient individuals they are today. This resilience is not a sign of their past, but a testament to their strength and determination.