9 smart ways to deal with a narcissist without losing your cool

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | May 23, 2024, 2:52 am

Dealing with a narcissist can be a real challenge, especially when you’re trying to keep your cool.

It’s about navigating their inflated ego, dealing with their sense of entitlement, and sidestepping their constant need for admiration. It’s a tricky tightrope to walk, I know.

But hey, it’s not impossible. In fact, there are some smart strategies that can help you handle a narcissist without losing your patience or your sanity.

Here are 9 tips to help you deal with a narcissist, while keeping your cool. So let’s dive in, shall we?

1) Stay calm and composed

Navigating a conversation with a narcissist can feel like walking through a minefield. Their need for constant admiration and their inflated sense of self can quickly escalate even the most casual of interactions.

And it’s in these moments, when a narcissist is pushing your buttons, that it’s crucial to keep your cool. Reacting emotionally gives them the upper hand, and they thrive on that control.

Maintaining your composure doesn’t mean swallowing your emotions. Instead, it’s about responding rather than reacting. Take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and respond in a calm and measured way.

This approach not only helps you keep your sanity intact but also prevents the narcissist from feeding off your emotional reactions. It’s not always easy, I’ll give you that. But with practice, you’ll find it becomes second nature.

2) Set clear boundaries

I can’t stress enough how important it is to set clear boundaries when dealing with a narcissist. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way.

A few years back, I had a colleague who was a classic narcissist. She would constantly seek validation and would often put others down to make herself look better. Initially, I tried to accommodate her, thinking it was just her way of coping with insecurities. But over time, it started draining me emotionally.

That’s when I decided to set some firm boundaries. I started by limiting unnecessary interactions and made it clear that negative comments about others were not acceptable in our conversations.

It wasn’t easy, but standing my ground made a big difference. She gradually understood that her usual tactics wouldn’t work with me.

Setting boundaries didn’t magically change her narcissistic behavior, but it certainly helped me manage our interactions better and saved my sanity in the process. Believe me, establishing these boundaries can be a real game-changer.

3) Practice empathy

It might sound strange, but practicing empathy can actually be a useful tool when dealing with a narcissist. While it’s true that narcissists are often self-absorbed and lack empathy for others, it doesn’t mean they’re devoid of feelings.

In fact, beneath their tough exterior, many narcissists often harbor deep-seated feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. These feelings are usually masked by their grandiose behavior and constant need for admiration.

By understanding this, you’re better equipped to interact with them without getting emotionally drained. Remember, empathy isn’t about condoning their behavior, but about understanding where it’s coming from.

This understanding can help you navigate your interactions with a narcissist more effectively. It gives you the ability to respond in a way that doesn’t fuel their negative behavior, but rather diffuses it.

And that’s a win-win, don’t you think?

4) Don’t take it personally

One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with a narcissist is not to take their behavior personally. Their constant need for admiration, lack of empathy, and tendency to belittle others can make you feel like you’re the problem.

But here’s the thing – it’s not about you. It’s about them and their insecurities. Their behavior is a reflection of their own internal struggles, not your worth or capabilities.

So, next time a narcissist tries to belittle you or seeks constant validation, remind yourself that it’s not personal. It’s just their way of dealing with their own issues.

5) Avoid the temptation to ‘fix’ them

When dealing with a narcissist, it’s natural to want to help them see the error of their ways. You might believe that with the right words or actions, you can ‘fix’ their narcissistic behavior.

But here’s the harsh truth – you can’t. Narcissism is deeply ingrained and often linked to past traumas and patterns of behavior that have been developed over a lifetime.

Trying to change a narcissist not only sets you up for disappointment but also adds unnecessary stress and frustration to your life.

So, instead of trying to ‘fix’ them, focus on managing your interactions with them. Set boundaries, practice empathy, and most importantly, protect your own emotional well-being. It’s not about giving up on them, it’s about understanding what you can and can’t control.

6) Show kindness, but stay firm

In the face of narcissistic behavior, it can be hard to remember that everyone deserves kindness. But extending compassion, even to a narcissist, doesn’t mean letting them walk all over you.

Remember, kindness is not weakness. It’s a strength that requires courage and resilience. It’s about showing understanding and patience, even when it’s hard.

But while showing kindness, don’t forget to stay firm. Maintain your boundaries and stand your ground when necessary. A narcissist may not always reciprocate your kindness, but by showing it, you’re preserving your own integrity and peace of mind.

Because at the end of the day, how you treat others is a reflection of who you are, not who they are. And that’s something worth holding onto, don’t you think?

7) Seek support when needed

Dealing with a narcissist can often leave you feeling drained and isolated. During one of the toughest periods of my life, when I was constantly interacting with a narcissistic individual, I felt like I was losing myself.

That’s when I realized the importance of seeking support. It could be a trusted friend, a family member, or a professional therapist. Someone who understands what you’re going through and can provide perspective and advice.

Having that support system not only helped me regain my sense of self but also gave me the strength to continue dealing with the narcissist in my life.

8) Know when to walk away

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the best way to deal with a narcissist is to distance yourself from them. This might not always be possible, especially if the narcissist is a family member or a coworker, but it’s worth considering.

Walking away doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Instead, it’s a recognition of the fact that you can’t control how others behave, but you can control how you respond.

Sometimes, preserving your own mental and emotional well-being might require creating some distance. And that’s perfectly okay. After all, your first responsibility is to yourself and your own well-being.

9) Take care of yourself

In the midst of dealing with a narcissist, it’s essential not to forget about your own needs. Make sure to carve out time for self-care – whether that’s a walk in the park, a quiet cup of coffee, or just some time alone with your thoughts.

A healthy mind and body will provide you with the resilience you need to effectively deal with a narcissist.

So prioritize your self-care, because you matter too.