Love and companionship: two words that often get intertwined. But how do you know if what you’re experiencing is truly love, or just a deep sense of companionship?

It’s a question that’s been playing on my mind recently. I’ve been digging deep into psychological studies, trying to decipher the difference between the two.

See, companionship can often feel like love because it offers comfort and intimacy. But love, well, it’s more than just feeling secure or having someone to watch Netflix with.

In my quest for clarity, I’ve found some key signs that might suggest you’re confusing companionship for love. And I’m excited to share these discoveries with you.

1) Lack of passion

The first sign that you might be mistaking companionship for love is a noticeable lack of passion.

Don’t get me wrong, passion fades in any long-term relationship. But there’s a certain spark, an intensity, that distinguishes love from companionship.

Companionship is about comfort and stability, which is great. But love? Love is also about fire and intensity. It’s about wanting to be with someone because they light up your world, not just because they make it more comfortable.

Psychologist Elaine Hatfield defines passionate love as a state of intense longing for union with another. If you’re not feeling this intense longing, it might be a sign that what you’re experiencing is companionship rather than love.

Of course, it’s not just about passion. There are other signs to look out for as well, which we’ll explore in the next sections.

2) There’s no jealousy

Jealousy can be a harmful emotion, but psychologists agree that a little bit of it in a relationship can indicate a strong emotional connection.

I remember my own experience with this – I had been in this comfortable companionship with my best friend for years. We’d hang out, share everything about our day, and I thought I was in love. But then, she started dating someone.

And it didn’t affect me at all.

In that moment, it was like a light bulb went off. I realized that if I was truly in love, I would have felt a pang of jealousy. That emotion, as uncomfortable as it is, would have been an indicator of deeper feelings.

But there was nothing. I was happy for her, genuinely so. That’s when I understood that what we had was a deep companionship, not romantic love.

This lack of jealousy could be another sign you’re mistaking companionship for love. It’s always important to assess your emotions and what they might be telling you about your relationship.

3) You’re not future-focused

When it comes to love, we tend to think about the future. We imagine a life with our partner, building a home together, maybe even growing old together. This future focus is often linked to the idea of commitment, a key component of romantic love.

In contrast, companionship often exists in the present. It’s about enjoying each other’s company here and now, without necessarily planning for a shared future.

According to a study, individuals in love tend to use more future-oriented language. They found that people in love use words like ‘we’ and ‘us’ more often when speaking about the future.

So if you find yourself living more in the present than looking towards the future with your companion, it might be another sign that you’re in a state of companionship rather than love.

4) Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? But what if it doesn’t?

When you’re in love with someone, missing them can be a gut-wrenching experience. You might find yourself constantly thinking about them, yearning for their presence, and experiencing a sense of emptiness when they’re not around.

On the flip side, a hallmark of companionship can often be an easy comfort with distance. While you might miss your companion, it’s usually not accompanied by intense longing or emotional distress.

If you find that you’re completely comfortable with long periods of separation from your companion and don’t feel an intense desire to reunite, it could be another sign that you’re experiencing companionship rather than love.

5) Physical attraction is not a priority

Physical attraction tends to be a big part of romantic love. There’s a chemistry, a magnetism that pulls you towards your partner.

In companionship, while there might be a level of physical comfort, it doesn’t necessarily include that passionate physical desire.

If you find yourself valuing your companion more for their conversation, their company, or their emotional support rather than any physical attraction, it could be an indication that what you’re experiencing is more about companionship.

It’s important to remember though that physical attraction varies greatly from person to person and relationship to relationship. It also shouldn’t be the sole defining factor of love. But if it’s largely absent in your connection, it could be a sign worth considering.

6) Love feels like a choice, not an obligation

When you’re in love, you choose to be with that person every day. It’s not about needing them to fill a void or simply having them around because they’ve always been there. It’s about wanting them, with their flaws and all, as a part of your life.

Companionship, while beautiful in its own right, can sometimes feel more like a routine or an obligation. You’re together because it’s comfortable, because it’s what you’re used to.

Consider this: if your companion was suddenly out of your life, would you feel an overpowering need to get them back? Or would you be able to accept and move on with time?

If it’s the latter, it could be another sign that your relationship is more about companionship than love.

7) You’re not their biggest cheerleader

In my experience, love makes you want to be your partner’s biggest cheerleader. When they succeed, you feel a swell of pride. When they fail, you feel their disappointment as if it were your own. Their happiness becomes intertwined with yours.

I remember when my partner got the promotion she’d been working towards. I was excited, ecstatic even. It felt like my own victory. That’s when I realized that what we had was more than companionship; it was love.

If you find that you’re not emotionally invested in your companion’s highs and lows, it could be a signal that what you have is a deep friendship, not romantic love.

It’s about more than just being happy for them; it’s about feeling their success and failures as if they were your own because their happiness matters to you on a deep, personal level.

8) Your connection lacks depth

One key difference between companionship and love is the depth of the connection.

Love often involves a deep emotional bond. It’s about knowing someone on a profound level, understanding their hopes, dreams, fears, and flaws. It’s about being there for the highs and the lows, and being willing to navigate through the challenges together.

Companionship, on the other hand, can exist on a more surface level. You enjoy each other’s company, have shared interests, and provide each other with comfort and support. But it might not involve that intense emotional connection that comes with love.

If you feel like your relationship lacks this depth, it could be another sign that you’re experiencing companionship rather than love.

9) Love involves risk

When you’re in love, there’s a certain level of vulnerability involved. You’re opening up your heart, exposing yourself to the possibility of heartbreak. It’s a risk, but one that’s worth taking for the right person.

Companionship, while comforting and secure, doesn’t require that same level of vulnerability. It’s safe, it’s reliable, but it might not push you out of your comfort zone.

If you find that you’re not willing to take risks or make sacrifices for your companion, it could be the most telling sign yet that what you’re experiencing is companionship rather than love.

This doesn’t make your relationship any less valuable, but understanding this distinction is key to recognizing your true feelings.