It’s a truth universally acknowledged, not all that glitters is gold.

Sometimes, the nicest people on the surface are hiding not-so-nice intentions. We’ve all been there, charmed by someone who seemed perfectly lovely, only to discover they weren’t so wonderful after all.

Psychology gives us some handy tools to spot these wolves in sheep’s clothing. It reveals certain tell-tale signs that someone might not be as good a person as they seem.

In this piece, we’ll be diving into 9 of those signs. 

Let’s get started.

1) They’re masters of manipulation

In the world of psychology, manipulation is often a red flag.

We all know the type. They’re charming, persuasive, and seem to always get their way. But beneath that friendly facade, there’s a hidden agenda.

Manipulative people are experts at bending others to their will. They know just what to say and how to act to make people do what they want. And they’ll use guilt, flattery, and even fear to achieve their goals.

But here’s the catch – they’re not always easy to spot. After all, they’re good at what they do. So you’ll need to be vigilant and look out for subtle signs of manipulation.

A truly good person doesn’t need to manipulate others. They respect the autonomy and freedom of choice of those around them.

2) They only show up when they need something

This one is a classic, and unfortunately, I’ve experienced it firsthand.

Let me tell you about a friend I once had. We’ll call her Lisa. Lisa was always full of energy and fun to be around. But over time, I began to notice a pattern.

Lisa would often disappear for weeks at a time, not returning calls or messages. But as soon as she needed a favor – say, someone to watch her dog or a ride to the airport – she’d suddenly reappear, acting like we were the best of friends again.

At first, I brushed it off. After all, we’re all busy, right? But as time went on, it became clear that Lisa was only interested in our friendship when it was convenient for her.

This kind of behavior is a big red flag. A truly good person values their relationships and doesn’t treat their friends like tools to be used and discarded.

3) They enjoy gossip

Gossiping might seem like a harmless pastime, but it can actually indicate deeper character flaws.

When someone revels in sharing the latest rumors and speculations, it shows a lack of respect for others’ privacy. This kind of behaviour can often mask insecurities, as they attempt to elevate their own status by belittling others.

Individuals who engage in gossip typically have high levels of aggression and a penchant for manipulation. They use gossip as a social weapon to ostracize others while creating alliances.

When you hear someone constantly dishing out the dirt on others, take it as a sign. Beneath that friendly chatter might just be a person who’s not as good-hearted as they appear.

4) They rarely show gratitude

Gratitude is more than just good manners; it’s a window into someone’s character.

Good people understand the value of expressing thanks. Whether it’s for a small favor or a grand gesture, they are quick to show their appreciation. It’s an acknowledgment of the effort others put in for them.

On the other hand, someone who rarely shows gratitude might be taking others for granted. They could be so focused on their own needs and wants that they overlook the kindness extended to them.

If you encounter someone who seems nice but seldom says ‘thank you’, think twice. They might not be as thoughtful or considerate as they appear to be.

5) They’re constantly playing the victim

We all face challenges and hardships. But there’s a difference between facing adversity and constantly playing the victim.

Some people have a knack for twisting every situation to make themselves appear the innocent party, even when it’s clear they’re not. They shirk responsibility and blame others for their misfortunes.

This perpetual victimhood is not a sign of a good person. Instead, it indicates an unwillingness to take accountability for their actions.

If you notice someone always painting themselves as the victim, be cautious. They might be more interested in dodging blame than in being genuinely nice.

6) They lack empathy

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is at the heart of what makes us human.

Good people are often empathetic. They take the time to step into your shoes, feel what you’re feeling, and offer support. It’s this understanding that strengthens our connections with each other.

But not everyone possesses this crucial trait. Some people may appear nice on the surface, but they lack the ability to truly empathize with others. They might dismiss your feelings or struggles, or seem indifferent to your pain.

This absence of empathy is more than just a personality flaw; it’s a sign that this person might not be as good as they seem. Because at the end of the day, a truly good person cares about how others feel and responds with kindness and understanding.

7) They’re quick to judge

I remember the time I dyed my hair blue. I was excited about the change, but not everyone shared my enthusiasm.

Particularly one person, who I thought was a good friend, immediately made a harsh comment about my decision. They didn’t ask why I did it or how I felt about it, they just judged outright.

It’s okay to have opinions, but there’s a fine line between expressing them and being judgmental. Good people understand this. They respect differences and don’t rush to criticize or judge others based on their choices or mistakes.

However, if someone is consistently judgmental, it can be an indication that they’re not as good-hearted as they seem. So remember, don’t let anyone’s judgment define you or the way you see yourself.

8) They’re always right

We’ve all met someone who always needs to be right. They’ll argue their point until you’re weary, and even when presented with evidence to the contrary, they’ll find a way to twist it in their favor.

This kind of behavior can be exhausting and even toxic. It’s a sign of arrogance and an inability to accept others’ perspectives.

Good people, on the other hand, are open-minded. They’re willing to consider different viewpoints and admit when they’re wrong. They understand that being right isn’t as important as being understanding and respectful.

If you find yourself dealing with someone who can’t accept being wrong, take note. They may not be as good a person as they initially seem.

9) Actions don’t match words

In the end, actions speak louder than words. That’s the most important thing to remember.

A person can say all the right things, they can charm you with their niceties and promises, but if their actions don’t match up, it’s a clear signal that they may not be as good as they seem.

Good people understand the importance of integrity. Their actions are consistent with their words. They don’t just talk about being kind or considerate; they show it in their behavior.

Always pay attention to how someone acts, not just what they say. It’s the most reliable indicator of their true character.