Having control over our own decisions is what makes us feel empowered. But what if someone is subtly trying to strip you of that control, to manipulate you into doing their bidding without you even realizing it?

Manipulation is a sneaky game, often well-hidden behind a facade of concern or friendship. It’s a ploy to get you to do what they want under the guise of your own free will.

But fear not, for there are telltale signs, red flags if you may, that someone is trying to manipulate and control you. Let’s dive into this murky world and uncover the 9 red flags that might just save you from being someone else’s puppet.

1) They’re always playing the victim

Manipulators are masters of the blame game. They can twist any situation to appear as though they’re the innocent party, even when they’re clearly at fault.

Frequently playing the victim is a classic manipulation tactic. It’s a discreet way of shifting responsibility, taking you on a guilt trip, and making you feel obligated to help them.

It’s normal to sympathize with someone who seems to be having a tough time. But if you notice a pattern of constant victimhood, be wary. It could be a sign that you’re dealing with a manipulator.

Remember, it’s not always your job to solve someone else’s problems. Especially if that ‘someone’ seems to have an endless supply of them.

2) They dismiss your feelings

I’ll never forget a past relationship where my partner would constantly dismiss my feelings. Whenever I expressed concern or disappointment, they would brush it off as if it was nothing.

“Stop being so sensitive,” they would say, or “You’re overreacting.” It was as if my feelings were invalid or unreasonable.

This is a common manipulation tactic. By belittling your emotions, the manipulator can control the narrative and make you feel guilty for having these feelings.

It took me a while to realize this, but your feelings are valid. If someone consistently makes you question them, that’s a glaring red flag. No one should have the power to dismiss your emotions.

3) They use gaslighting techniques

Gaslighting is a psychological term that refers to a form of manipulation where the manipulator tries to make you doubt your own reality or sanity. The term comes from a 1944 film called “Gaslight” where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.

In real life, a manipulator may deny saying something hurtful, twist your words, or change the story to fit their narrative. It’s a disorienting tactic that can make you question your own memory or perception of events.

If you ever find yourself thinking, “I could have sworn they said that,” or “Am I losing my mind?”, you might be a victim of gaslighting. It’s one of the most damaging forms of manipulation because it can erode your confidence and self-trust.

4) They’re always right

Ever met someone who just can’t be wrong, no matter what? It’s like they have an allergy to admitting mistakes. This is a classic sign of a manipulator.

Manipulators often believe they’re always right and will go to great lengths to avoid admitting they’re wrong. They might twist facts, change the subject, or even start an argument to divert your attention.

This constant need for superiority can be exhausting. It’s a method designed to keep you second-guessing and to maintain their control over you.

Remember, everyone makes mistakes and admitting them is a sign of strength, not weakness. If someone can’t accept their faults, it’s a definite red flag.

5) They use guilt trips

Manipulators are experts at making you feel guilty, even for things that aren’t your fault. They’ll use your feelings against you to get what they want.

Whether it’s an unhappy sigh, a passive-aggressive comment, or a full-on emotional meltdown, manipulators know just how to push your guilt buttons. Often, they’ll make you feel selfish or unkind for not bending to their demands.

Remember, guilt is a powerful emotion. It’s also a manipulator’s best friend. Don’t let someone else’s guilt trips control your actions. It’s okay to care about your own needs and boundaries too.

6) They isolate you from your loved ones

There’s nothing more heartbreaking than feeling disconnected from the people who matter most. But that’s exactly what manipulators seek to do.

They might discourage you from seeing family and friends or speak negatively about them. The aim is to create a wedge between you and your support network, leaving you more dependent on the manipulator.

It’s a slow and subtle process that can leave you feeling lonely and vulnerable. And that’s when they have you right where they want you.

Remember, true love and friendship don’t involve control or isolation. If someone is trying to cut you off from your loved ones, it’s a major red flag. It’s crucial to maintain your relationships and support networks, they’re your lifeline when things get tough.

7) They make you feel indebted to them

There was a time in my life when I had a friend who always seemed to be doing me favors. Initially, it felt great. Who doesn’t like a friend who’s always there to help?

But over time, I realized these favors weren’t free. They came with an unspoken expectation of reciprocation. And whenever I couldn’t or didn’t meet these expectations, they’d remind me of all the times they’d been there for me.

This left me feeling constantly indebted and obliged to do whatever they asked. It was a manipulative tactic that used kindness as a weapon.

Just remember, real kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. If someone is using their favors to control you, it’s time to reassess that relationship.

8) They’re overly charming

Manipulators often have a knack for being incredibly charming. They know exactly what to say and do to win you over, making it hard to see their true intentions.

They’ll shower you with compliments, attention and may even mimic your likes and dislikes to create a sense of connection. It’s all part of their act to gain your trust and influence your decisions.

But this charm often fades away once they get what they want, revealing their true manipulative nature.

So, be wary of people who seem too good to be true. Genuine people don’t need to put on a show to earn your trust or affection.

9) They never respect your boundaries

Boundaries are crucial for any healthy relationship. They’re the invisible lines that define what’s acceptable and what’s not. But for manipulators, your boundaries are just obstacles to be ignored.

If you notice someone repeatedly crossing your boundaries, despite you expressing discomfort, it’s a major red flag. This disregard shows a lack of respect for your feelings and autonomy.

Your boundaries are important. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. Stand strong, because you have every right to protect your mental and emotional space.

Final thought: It’s all about respect

Navigating relationships is complex, and dealing with manipulation adds an extra layer of complexity. But at the heart of it all lies a simple yet profound concept – respect.

Respect for our feelings, our decisions, our boundaries, and our individuality. When someone tries to manipulate or control us, they’re essentially disrespecting these fundamental aspects of our being.

Psychologist Dr. George Simon, an expert in manipulative behavior, points out that “manipulators often know what they’re doing – perfectly well. They just don’t care.”

Recognizing these red flags is the first step towards reclaiming your power and autonomy. Because you deserve respect, not manipulation.

So as you move forward, carry these insights with you. Learn to spot the signs, trust your instincts, and most importantly, never compromise on your self-respect. Because you’re worth far more than a manipulator’s game.