Navigating relationships can sometimes feel like walking in a maze. You’re unsure if you’re moving in the right direction, or if you’re simply running in circles.

One of the key signs you’re trapped in an unhealthy circle is control. If your partner is controlling, they’re not giving you the freedom to make choices. They’re dictating your decisions, often under the guise of care or concern.

But it’s not always easy to spot the signs. So, I’m here to help you out. In this article, I’ll share 8 ways to recognize if you’re being controlled in your relationship. And remember, recognizing the problem is the first step towards finding a resolution.

1) Isolation from loved ones

One of the first red flags of a controlling relationship is isolation.

A controlling partner often tries to cut you off from your support system, which usually includes your family and friends. They want you all to themselves, and they make it harder for others to point out their controlling behavior.

They might find faults with your loved ones, create conflicts, or manipulate situations so you spend less time with them. The intention behind this is to make you more dependent on them and less likely to leave.

If you find yourself increasingly distant from your loved ones without a valid reason, it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship. Are these changes your choice? Or are they being subtly enforced by your partner?

Remember, healthy relationships allow space for other important relationships too. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

2) They dictate your choices

This one feels personal, because I’ve been there.

In my past relationship, I found myself in situations where my partner would make decisions for me. It started with small things like what to order for dinner, which movie to watch, or what clothes to wear. It felt sweet at first, like he cared about my comfort and preferences.

But then it escalated. He began choosing my friends, deciding how I should spend my time, and even planning my career moves. Whenever I tried to assert myself, he would dismiss my opinions as wrong or trivial.

It took me a while to recognize this as a form of control. It wasn’t about caring for me; it was about him wanting things his way.

So ask yourself, do you still have a say in your life’s decisions? If not, it’s time to reclaim your autonomy. In a healthy relationship, decisions should be mutual and respectful of each other’s preferences.

3) Unhealthy jealousy

Jealousy is a natural human emotion and to some extent, it can be a sign of love. But when it becomes possessive, it crosses into the territory of control.

In a controlling relationship, jealousy is used as a tool to justify controlling behavior. Your partner might constantly check your phone, question your interactions with others, or even accuse you of infidelity without reason.

The irony is that according to research in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence, individuals who display high levels of jealousy are more likely to engage in domestic violence.

So if your partner’s jealousy is making you feel uncomfortable or restricted, it’s important to address this issue. It’s not love or care – it’s control. And you deserve better.

4) Constant criticism

A healthy relationship is one where both partners can constructively critique each other to foster growth. However, in a controlling relationship, criticism becomes a means to belittle and dominate.

If your partner constantly criticizes your looks, intelligence, behavior, or even your dreams and aspirations, it’s a clear sign of control. They aim to make you doubt yourself, lower your self-esteem, and make you feel like you can’t do better.

This behavior is not only disrespectful but also damaging to your mental health. Remember, everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. A loving partner will help you grow from them rather than using them as ammunition to control you.

5) Your happiness seems conditional

In a healthy relationship, your happiness should be a priority for your partner – not a tool for negotiation or manipulation.

But in a controlling relationship, your happiness can often feel conditional. You might notice that your partner is only affectionate or kind when you’re doing exactly what they want. The moment you deviate from their script, their mood changes.

You start walking on eggshells, constantly trying to please them to keep the peace. You find yourself compromising on your desires and needs to avoid conflict.

Sweetheart, that’s not love. Love is about acceptance, understanding, and growth. It’s about wanting each other’s happiness unconditionally. If you’re feeling like you have to earn your partner’s love constantly, it’s time to rethink your relationship.

6) You’re always apologizing

I remember a time when I found myself constantly saying sorry, even when I wasn’t at fault. It was like I was apologizing for my existence.

In a controlling relationship, your partner might make you feel like you’re always wrong. Every disagreement, every argument ends with you accepting the blame. They’re never accountable for anything; it’s always you who needs to apologize.

This unbalanced dynamic is not just unfair; it’s emotionally exhausting. You start doubting your sanity, often falling into a cycle of guilt and regret.

But let me tell you this – it’s not your fault. In a healthy relationship, both partners should be able to admit their mistakes and apologize sincerely. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

7) Your self-esteem is diminishing

A controlling partner often chips away at your self-esteem, making you question your worth.

They may belittle your achievements, dismiss your feelings, or compare you unfavorably to others. Over time, these subtle forms of emotional abuse can significantly lower your confidence and self-esteem.

Ever found yourself feeling worthless or doubting your abilities more than before? That’s a red flag waving at you.

In a healthy relationship, your partner should build you up, not break you down. You deserve someone who celebrates your strengths, respects your feelings, and motivates you to be the best version of yourself.

8) You feel trapped

If there’s one thing you should take away from this, it’s this: Feeling trapped or scared in a relationship is not normal.

If you’re in a situation where you feel like you can’t express your feelings, assert your boundaries, or even plan your future without their permission, it’s a clear sign of control.

This sense of entrapment can lead to anxiety, depression, and a host of other mental health issues.

You deserve freedom, respect, and love. So if you feel trapped, reach out for help. There are many resources available for those in controlling or abusive relationships. Your voice matters and you are not alone.

Final thoughts: It’s about respect

In the end, it all boils down to one fundamental aspect – respect.

Respect for your choices, your space, your voice, and most importantly, your individuality.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and relationship expert, states that a key predictor of a healthy relationship is the presence of mutual respect. Without it, love cannot thrive.

Being controlled in a relationship is not a sign of love or care. It’s a sign of disrespect and disregard for your autonomy.

If you find yourself nodding to these signs, please remember: you’re not alone and it’s not your fault. Reach out to trusted friends, family or professional help. You deserve love that respects and uplifts you.

Take this moment to reflect on your relationship. Are you being respected? Are you being loved in the way you deserve? Your answers matter. Because you matter.