8 times in life where you learn who your true friends are, according to psychology

Avatar by Lachlan Brown | November 22, 2024, 3:37 pm

There’s a saying that true friends are those who stick by you through thick and thin. But how do you know who those friends are?

Well, psychology has some intriguing insights. It suggests there are certain moments in life that act as a litmus test, revealing our true companions.

In this article, I’ll share with you eight telltale times in life where you’re likely to discover who your real friends are. And trust me, some of these might surprise you. 

Let’s get started. 

1) In times of adversity

Life isn’t always a bed of roses. There will be times when you’re faced with challenges that knock you off your feet. It’s in these moments of hardship, according to psychology, that your true friends reveal themselves.

True friends aren’t the ones who are there only during the good times. They’re the ones who stick around when the going gets tough. They’re the ones who offer a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear, and words of comfort or advice.

Contrarily, those who disappear or distance themselves during your times of adversity probably aren’t your real friends. They might be fair-weather friends – only around when things are going well.

When you hit a rough patch in life, take notice of who stays by your side and who doesn’t. This could be a crucial moment where you learn who your true friends are.

2) When you achieve success

Now let’s flip the coin. What happens when things are going really well? When you land that promotion, when you win that award, or when you achieve a milestone in your life? This, too, can be a revealing moment.

I remember when I got my first book published. I was over the moon, ecstatic to see years of hard work finally paying off. But not everyone around me shared my excitement.

While my true friends were genuinely happy for me and celebrated my achievement, I noticed others who were conspicuously silent. Their lack of enthusiasm was a wake-up call for me about who my real friends were.

According to psychology, true friends share in your joys as much as they share in your sorrows. They are not threatened or envious of your accomplishments but celebrate them with you. If someone can’t genuinely be happy for your success, it might be time to question the nature of your friendship with them.

3) When you need a favor

Ever heard of the Benjamin Franklin effect? It’s a psychological phenomenon where a person who has done someone a favor is more likely to do another favor for that person. This is because our brain rationalizes that we must really like someone if we’re willing to go out of our way for them.

Let’s say you’re moving house and need help packing and transporting your belongings. Who do you call? More importantly, who actually shows up to lend a hand?

A true friend will be there to support you, even if it means putting in some hard work. They understand the give-and-take nature of friendship, and they’re willing to invest their time and effort into helping you. Those who make excuses or are suddenly too busy might not hold your friendship in as high regard.

When you’re in need of some assistance, don’t shy away from asking. You might just find out who your real friends are.

4) During moments of vulnerability

Life is full of moments where we feel vulnerable. It could be a heartbreak, a personal failure, or even a moment of self-doubt. These are the times when we bare our souls and expose our weaknesses.

How people react to our vulnerability can say a lot about their friendship. True friends will provide comfort, understanding, and reassurance. They won’t judge you for your flaws or mistakes but offer empathy and support.

On the other hand, those who take advantage of your vulnerability or show indifference might not be as trustworthy as you thought.

It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s during these moments you might discover who your true friends are.

5) When you’re not at your best

We all have those days when we aren’t feeling our best. Maybe you’re going through a tough time emotionally, or perhaps you’re just not feeling well physically. These are the moments when you might not be the most fun to be around.

True friends, however, see beyond that. They understand that everyone has off days and they don’t hold it against you. They don’t expect you to be perfect all the time. Instead, they offer kindness and patience, maybe even a bowl of soup or a comforting word.

If someone only wants to be around you when you’re happy and energetic, but vanishes when you’re down, it might be a clear sign that they’re not a true friend. Because a real friendship isn’t just about sharing laughs and good times, it’s about being there for each other during the cloudy days too.

6) When you take a stand

I’ll never forget the time when I decided to switch careers. It was a bold move, leaving a stable job for an uncertain future in a completely different industry. I was passionate about my new path, but it wasn’t a popular decision among everyone I knew.

True friends, however, stood by me. They understood that it was my life and my choice. They offered words of encouragement and applauded my courage, even if they didn’t fully understand my decision.

On the other hand, there were those who openly criticized my choice and predicted doom and gloom. These reactions made me question the depth of our friendship.

Standing up for what you believe in can be tough, but it’s even harder when you feel like you’re standing alone.

7) When you’re not in the room

You’ve probably heard the saying that a true friend is someone who defends you in your absence. Well, there’s a lot of truth to that.

It’s easy to compliment or defend someone when they’re right there with you, but what happens when you’re not around? Do they still have your back, or do they join in on gossip or negative talk about you?

True friends respect you, whether you’re present or not. They don’t engage in backbiting or spread rumors. Instead, they stand up for you and shut down any negative chatter.

Pay attention to how people talk about others when they’re not around—it could give you an insight into how they talk about you too. This could be another revealing moment to identify your true friends.

8) When you grow and change

Change is an inevitable part of life. As we grow and evolve, our interests, beliefs, and even our personalities can shift. This isn’t always easy for everyone around us to accept.

True friends, however, will support your growth and personal development. They understand that change is a part of life and they’re willing to adjust and adapt with you. They celebrate your evolution and continue to value your friendship, despite the changes.

If someone can’t accept the new you or tries to hold you back from growing, they might not be a true friend. Remember, your personal growth should never be at the expense of a genuine friendship.

Final thoughts: The essence of true friendship

The complexities of human interactions and bonds often go beyond surface-level encounters. They delve deeper, into our emotional and psychological realms.

At the heart of it, true friendship isn’t just about spending time together or having common interests. It’s about mutual respect, emotional support, and unwavering loyalty.

Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” This statement encapsulates the essence of true friendship. It isn’t a one-way street but a mutual exchange of trust, understanding, and respect.

Whether it’s standing by your side during adversity, celebrating your achievements, or respecting your growth and change – these are the moments that test the strength of a friendship.

So as you navigate through life’s various phases, keep these insights in mind. Reflect on who has been there for you during these telltale times. You may find that your circle of true friends is smaller than you thought – but remember, it’s the quality of friendships, not the quantity, that truly matters.

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