There’s a vast gap between empathy and ignorance. A chasm, really.

The gap is evident when privileged individuals, unaware of their advantages, overlook the struggles of others.

These folks, no doubt well-meaning, often utter phrases that unintentionally highlight their lack of understanding.

In this piece, we’ll delve into the eight common things privileged people say when they just don’t get others’ struggles. And hopefully, we can all learn a bit more about empathy along the way.

1) “Why don’t they just…?”

It’s an all too common question, brimming with naivety and a lack of understanding.

Privileged individuals often fall into the trap of oversimplifying complex issues. They view problems from their own viewpoint, ignoring the diverse circumstances that others may face.

The phrase “Why don’t they just…?” is emblematic of this mindset. It implies that the solution is simple, straightforward, and easily attainable – a perspective often far removed from reality.

This line of thinking disregards the systemic issues and personal hardships that can restrict people’s options. It’s a clear indicator of privilege – the ability to view life through a lens where choices are abundant and accessible.

Understanding this, we can start to see why empathizing with others’ struggles can be challenging for those cocooned within their own privilege.

2) “I’ve never experienced that.”

I remember one particular conversation I had at a dinner party. We were discussing the issue of racial profiling, and a friend – a successful, white businessman – remarked, “I’ve been pulled over by the cops many times and I’ve never experienced that.”

In his world, racial profiling was simply a non-issue because he hadn’t personally experienced it. His statement subtly dismissed the experiences of countless individuals who face this form of discrimination daily.

His privilege had created a blind spot, making it difficult for him to truly understand the struggles faced by those outside his own demographic. His statement, though unintentional, minimized the experiences of others and highlighted a lack of understanding.

3) “But we’re all equal now.”

This statement is often heard in discussions about racial or gender inequality. It stems from the belief that since legal and policy changes have been made to promote equality, the playing field is now level for everyone.

The truth, however, is that even with these changes in place, disparities persist. For example, women on average still earn only 82 cents for every dollar earned by men, according to a report by the American Association of University Women.

This phrase glosses over the reality of systemic inequalities and the lived experiences of those who continue to face discrimination. It’s a classic illustration of privilege – the assumption that everyone’s experiences mirror your own.

4) “It’s not that big of a deal.”

This phrase is a classic attempt at downplaying the struggles others face. When privileged individuals make statements like this, they’re often trying to diminish the significance of an issue because it doesn’t directly affect them.

Such dismissive attitudes can make it difficult for marginalized people to voice their concerns and experiences. It’s crucial to remember that just because an issue doesn’t affect us personally, it doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal for someone else. Understanding starts with acknowledging and respecting others’ experiences, even if they differ from our own.

5) “I don’t see color.”

On the surface, this phrase seems noble, even progressive. But if you dig a little deeper, it’s a clear sign of privilege.

Declaring “I don’t see color” is often an attempt to distance oneself from racism, but it ends up dismissing the unique experiences and struggles of people of color. It implies that we should ignore our differences, rather than celebrating them and acknowledging the struggles linked to them.

By saying we don’t see color, we’re saying we don’t recognize the systemic racism that people of color face. We’re negating their experiences and struggles. Recognizing color isn’t the issue; the issue is what we do with this recognition.

A more compassionate approach is to acknowledge and respect each other’s differences while striving for fairness and equality. It’s about seeing color, and seeing the struggles that come with it, too.

6) “They just need to work harder.”

During my early career, I used to believe that hard work was the only key to success. If someone was struggling, I’d think, “They just need to work harder.”

It took me years to realize that this mindset was not only naive but also a reflection of my own privilege. I had been fortunate enough to grow up with opportunities and resources that many others did not have access to.

This phrase overlooks the fact that everyone doesn’t start from the same point. Some have to overcome far more obstacles than others. Success isn’t just about hard work; it’s also about opportunities, resources, and systemic factors that can either propel you forward or hold you back.

7) “I’m not privileged.”

This statement is a clear indicator of a lack of understanding about what privilege actually means. Privilege isn’t about wealth or success; it’s about the advantages you have that others don’t because of your race, gender, sexual orientation, or socio-economic status.

Denying one’s privilege often stems from a place of defensiveness or guilt. But acknowledging privilege isn’t about feeling guilty; it’s about understanding the uneven playing field that exists in our society.

By recognizing our own privilege, we can become more empathetic towards those who don’t have the same advantages and work towards a more equitable society.

8) “Everyone has the same opportunities.”

This is perhaps one of the most damaging misconceptions. In an ideal world, everyone would have equal access to opportunities. However, our world is far from ideal.

Systemic issues, like racism, sexism, and classism, create barriers that prevent certain groups from accessing the same opportunities as others. These disparities run deep and are often perpetuated by societal norms and institutions.

Believing that everyone has the same opportunities is a clear sign of privilege. It ignores the harsh realities many face and perpetuates a cycle of ignorance and inequality. Recognizing this is the first step towards creating a more inclusive and understanding society.

Final thoughts: The power of empathy

At the core of these phrases lies a common thread – a lack of understanding and empathy. But it’s important to remember that understanding privilege isn’t about assigning blame or guilt.

Each one of us, in some way, is privileged. Recognizing this isn’t an indictment, but a call for awareness and empathy towards those who face struggles we might never understand firsthand.

The poet John Donne once wrote, “No man is an island.” We are all interconnected, and our actions and words can have a profound impact on those around us.

By being aware of our words, we can strive to create a more empathetic and understanding society. Let’s listen more, assume less, and remember that everyone has their own unique journey.

In the end, it’s not just about understanding others’ struggles. It’s about understanding our own place in the world – acknowledging our privileges, challenging our biases, and working towards a more inclusive future.