Criticism is a tricky beast. On one hand, it can help us grow and improve. On the other, it can erode our confidence if deployed with too much intensity or frequency.

When someone goes from being constructively critical to overly critical, their words can plant seeds of doubt in our minds, causing us to question our abilities.

Overly critical people often have certain phrases they use repeatedly. These phrases, while seemingly harmless, can undermine your confidence.

Here’s a head-start on identifying these phrases. In this article, we’ll discuss “8 things overly critical people say that can undermine your confidence”, so you can spot them and protect your self-esteem.

1) You can’t do it

One of the most common phrases overly critical people use is “You can’t do it”.

This phrase, often uttered without much thought, can be a real confidence killer. It sows seeds of self-doubt and makes you question your abilities. It’s a phrase that, over time, can make you believe that you’re not capable of achieving your goals.

The problem with “You can’t do it” is that it’s a blanket statement. It doesn’t consider your potential or your past achievements. It doesn’t take into account how hard you’re willing to work or how dedicated you are to achieving your goal.

Remember, just because someone says you can’t do something, doesn’t mean they’re right. Don’t let their criticism undermine your confidence. Believe in yourself and prove them wrong.

2) That’s not good enough

The phrase “That’s not good enough” is another common one in the repertoire of overly critical people. I’ve faced this one personally, and it can be a real confidence drainer.

In my early 20s, I picked up painting as a hobby. I was no Van Gogh, but I enjoyed it. One day, a friend visited and saw my work. Instead of appreciating the effort, the first thing they said was “That’s not good enough”.

That hit me hard. Instead of feeling proud of my progress, I started focusing on how my work wasn’t ‘good enough’. It took me a while to realize that art is subjective and that their comment was more a reflection of their overly critical nature than of my painting.

If you’ve heard this phrase before, remember this: progress and effort are what matter the most. Don’t let overly critical comments prevent you from pursuing what you love or achieving your goals.

3) Are you sure about that?

“Are you sure about that?” is a phrase that, on the surface, seems innocuous enough. But when used repeatedly, it can chip away at your confidence.

The insidious thing about this phrase is that it subtly implies doubt, causing you to second guess your decisions. It’s a psychological tactic known as ‘gaslighting’, where a person attempts to sow seeds of doubt in your mind, making you question your own memory, perception or judgement.

This can lead to you constantly questioning your abilities and decisions, undermining your self-confidence over time. Remember, it’s healthy to question yourself and reflect on your decisions but don’t let others’ doubt become your own. You have the wisdom and capability to make your own choices.

4) You’re too sensitive

Overly critical people often use the phrase “You’re too sensitive” as a weapon. They use it to dismiss your feelings and make you feel like you’re overreacting, especially when you express hurt or discomfort at their criticism.

This is a form of emotional manipulation, making you feel like your emotions are not valid, which can seriously undermine your confidence and self-esteem.

Remember, everyone has the right to their own feelings. If something hurts or upsets you, it’s important to acknowledge and express that. Don’t let anyone else tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel.

5) You’ll never change

The phrase “You’ll never change” can be particularly damaging. It implies that you’re stuck in your ways, incapable of growth or improvement.

This can be a tough one to hear, especially from someone you respect or care about. It can make you feel as if your efforts for self-improvement are futile, acting as a roadblock in your journey towards personal growth.

But here’s the thing: change is a part of life. We all have the capacity to grow, learn, and evolve. It might not always be easy or quick, but it’s definitely possible. So next time someone tells you “You’ll never change”, let it be a motivation for you to prove them wrong. Remember, the only person who has the power to define you is you.

6) You always mess up

One phrase that can really sting is “You always mess up”. I still remember hearing this during my early days as a writer. Every rejection letter felt like a confirmation of these words, making me doubt if I was ever cut out for this career.

But over time, I realized that everyone makes mistakes – it’s a part of being human. What’s more, every mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow. It doesn’t define your worth or your abilities.

If you’re constantly hearing “You always mess up”, don’t let it dishearten you. Instead, use it as fuel to learn, improve, and prove them wrong. Remember, success is not about never making mistakes, but about how you bounce back from them.

7) You’re not trying hard enough

Another phrase overly critical people often use is “You’re not trying hard enough”. This can be incredibly demoralising, making you feel like no matter what you do, it’s never enough.

The truth is, everyone has their own pace and way of doing things. What might seem like a lack of effort to one person could be someone else giving their all.

Instead of letting this phrase get to you, use it as a reminder that you are the ultimate judge of your efforts. Only you know how hard you’re working and what challenges you’re facing. Don’t let anyone else’s judgment undermine your confidence.

8) You’re not good enough

The phrase “You’re not good enough” is possibly the most damaging of all. It directly attacks your self-worth and can severely undermine your confidence.

Despite how hurtful it is to hear, remember this: your worth is not determined by someone else’s opinion of you. You are enough just as you are. Each one of us is unique, with our own strengths and weaknesses. Don’t let anyone make you feel lesser than you are.

Final thoughts: It’s about resilience

When it comes to dealing with overly critical people, it’s crucial to remember that their words often say more about them than they do about you. Their criticism is typically a reflection of their own insecurities or disappointments, projected onto you.

While it’s easier said than done, try not to let these criticisms undermine your confidence. Instead, view them as opportunities for growth and resilience.

Resilience, quite simply, is the ability to bounce back from adversity. It’s a quality that can be cultivated over time by confronting challenges and criticisms head-on.

Remember, everyone faces criticism in their lives. The most successful people are not the ones who never heard the phrase “you’re not good enough”, but the ones who heard it, processed it, and decided to prove it wrong.

So next time you’re faced with an overly critical person, remember this: your worth is not defined by their words. You are more than good enough just as you are. It’s your journey, your growth, your resilience that matters most.

Stay strong, stay confident, and keep going.