8 subtle signs someone lacks integrity (and how to spot them early)

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | August 17, 2024, 8:47 am

Dealing with people is a complex art in itself. You think you know someone, only to find out that their true colors are not as bright as you once thought. The problem? Integrity, or rather the lack of it.

I’ve been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt. I’ve trusted, only to have that trust shattered. I’ve believed, only to be let down. It’s not always a significant betrayal; sometimes it’s as subtle as a whisper in the wind.

But here’s the deal: It doesn’t have to be this way. There are signs, subtle signs that someone lacks integrity. And guess what? You can spot them early on, saving yourself from a whole lot of heartache and disappointment.

In the following lines, I’ll share with you what I’ve learnt over the years: 8 subtle signs someone lacks integrity (and how to spot them early). The trick is not just in knowing these signs but also in using them as your guide. And it’s not about being judgmental; it’s about making informed decisions about who you allow into your life.

So sit tight and buckle up. This ride might get bumpy, but trust me, it’s worth it. Because at the end of it all, understanding these signs can make a world of difference in your relationships and overall happiness.

1. They have a hard time keeping promises

We all have moments when we fail to keep our word due to unforeseen circumstances. It’s human, it happens. But there’s a clear line between forgetting occasionally and habitually breaking promises.

When someone consistently fails to keep their word, it’s a subtle sign that they lack integrity. You find yourself in a constant state of disappointment because they say one thing and do another. It’s like playing a never-ending game of catch with someone who keeps dropping the ball.

And here’s the kicker: They may not even see it as a big deal. They might shrug it off, give you an excuse or even turn it back on you. But don’t be fooled. A pattern of broken promises is a significant red flag that this person may not value honesty and commitment as much as you do.

Spotting this early can save you from investing trust in someone who isn’t capable of keeping it. Remember, integrity isn’t just about being honest; it’s about being reliable too. If they can’t keep their promises, they’re showing you a glimpse of their true character. It’s up to you to decide if this is something you’re okay with or not.

2. They frequently shift blame

There’s a subtle difference between explaining why something happened and shifting blame. We all make mistakes, and it’s important to own up to them. But when someone lacks integrity, they often have a hard time doing just that.

Instead, they shift blame. They point fingers. They find excuses. It’s never their fault. I remember dealing with someone like this in my own life. It was a co-worker who always found a way to pass the buck.

We were working on a project together, and when we missed our deadline, he was quick to point out all the ways I had supposedly let him down. He said I didn’t provide him with the resources he needed in time, even though I distinctly remember sending them his way a week prior.

It was a hard pill to swallow, especially because I had invested so much effort into our collaboration. But it revealed a lot about his character. He was more interested in saving face than in learning from his mistakes or fixing the problem.

When someone consistently avoids taking responsibility for their actions, it’s a sign that they may lack integrity. And recognizing this early on can help you navigate your relationship with them more effectively.

3. They lack empathy

“Fellow feeling is the most human of all the virtues,” wrote philosopher Giacomo Leopardi. In essence, our ability to connect with and understand the feelings of others is what makes us human.

But what happens when someone seems to lack this basic human quality – empathy? It’s a sign that something might be off.

I’m not talking about the occasional lapse in understanding or sensitivity. We all have our moments. I’m referring to a consistent lack of concern for how their actions affect others. They make decisions without considering how it may impact those around them and show little remorse when their actions cause harm.

A person with integrity understands that their actions have consequences, not just for them but for others too. They care about how they make other people feel and take this into account when making decisions.

When someone lacks empathy, it’s a subtle sign that they may also lack integrity. Identifying this early on can help you understand what you’re dealing with and act accordingly.

4. They’re inconsistent with their values

Integrity is all about aligning your actions with your values. But what if someone’s actions don’t match up with what they say they believe in?

A study from the University of Notre Dame found that people who act inconsistently with their stated values tend to feel more distress and anxiety. This is because our brains are wired to seek consistency.

So, if someone frequently acts in ways that clash with their stated beliefs or values, it’s a sign that they may lack integrity.

They might say they value honesty, but then you catch them in a lie. They might claim they respect everyone equally, but then you see them treating certain people poorly.

It’s not just about the big things, either. Even small inconsistencies can be a red flag. If they say they’re environmentally conscious but you constantly see them wasting resources or littering, it’s worth taking note.

Spotting these inconsistencies can help you recognize when someone’s actions aren’t lined up with their words. It might be a subtle sign, but it’s a telling one.

5. They have a tendency to manipulate others

When someone lacks integrity, they often use manipulation as a tool to get what they want. This manipulation can take many forms – from guilt trips and playing the victim, to outright deceit or charm.

You might find that you’re always doing what they want, even when it goes against your own wants or needs. Or you might find yourself feeling guilty for things that aren’t your fault. These are signs that you’re being manipulated.

Manipulation is not just about control; it’s about avoiding accountability. A person with integrity doesn’t need to manipulate others because they’re willing to communicate openly and honestly, and they respect the autonomy of others.

So if you find yourself constantly being manipulated by someone, it’s a clear indication that they lack integrity. Recognizing these patterns early can help you set boundaries and protect your own mental and emotional wellbeing.

6. They tend to exaggerate

You may have heard the saying, “Honesty is the best policy”. But when dealing with someone who lacks integrity, truth often takes a backseat to embellishment.

Exaggeration might seem harmless at first, but it’s a sign that someone is willing to bend the truth to make themselves look better or to get what they want. They might inflate their achievements, overstate their skills or abilities, or even exaggerate their hardships to gain sympathy.

Over time, these embellishments can erode trust and create a false image. And when the truth eventually comes out – as it often does – it can be a harsh reality check.

When you notice a pattern of exaggeration, it’s a subtle sign that someone lacks integrity. Spotting it early can save you from being caught up in their web of half-truths and deceptions.

7. They’re quick to take credit but slow to give it

In a team setting, recognition for a job well done is often a great motivator. But ever noticed someone who’s always front and center to take credit, but conspicuously absent when it’s time to give it?

This is a classic sign of someone who lacks integrity. They’re more interested in gaining personal glory than in acknowledging the collective effort. It’s not just about hogging the limelight, but also about a lack of generosity in recognizing others’ contributions.

When you see someone consistently taking credit for work they didn’t do or downplaying the contributions of others, take note. This behavior speaks volumes about their character.

Identifying this trait early on can help you understand the kind of person you’re dealing with and guide your interactions with them accordingly.

8. They lack self-awareness

Perhaps one of the most telling signs of a person lacking integrity is their lack of self-awareness. They may not even realize the impact of their actions on others, or they may choose to ignore it.

Self-awareness is a cornerstone of integrity. It’s about understanding how our actions and behaviors affect others and ourselves. It’s about recognizing our faults and taking steps to improve.

But when someone lacks integrity, they often fail to see how their actions might be harmful or unfair. They might dismiss any criticism or feedback, always believing they’re in the right.

If you notice that someone constantly deflects criticism, never acknowledges their mistakes, or seems oblivious to how they affect others, it’s a clear sign they lack integrity.

By recognizing these signs early on, you can protect yourself from potential harm and make more informed decisions about the people you choose to let into your life.

Final thoughts

Navigating through life’s relationships can often feel like walking a tightrope. Spotting signs of a lack of integrity early on helps maintain balance and avoid unnecessary falls.

The subtle signs we’ve explored are not about labeling or judging people. Instead, they serve as a compass, guiding you towards healthier relationships and interactions.

Every interaction is a learning opportunity. When you encounter someone lacking integrity, it’s an invitation to grow – to set boundaries, to value honesty, and to reaffirm your commitment to treating others with respect.

Research shows that individuals with high integrity tend to have better relationships and greater well-being. So, spotting these signs isn’t just about avoiding the wrong people; it’s also about nurturing the right qualities within yourself.

As you move forward, keep these signs in mind. Use them to ensure that your relationships—whether they’re personal, professional, or somewhere in between—are built on a solid foundation of trust and respect.

At the end of the day, integrity matters. It shapes our actions, influences our relationships, and defines who we are. By recognizing its absence in others, we also remind ourselves of its importance in our own lives.