Growing up, we often take our parents’ behaviors for granted. We assume that their emotional availability or lack thereof is just the norm.

It’s only later in life, when we start to grapple with our relationships and mental health, that we might realize the emotional landscape of our childhood was far from ideal.

In this article, I’ll go over eight signs that you were raised by emotionally unavailable parents.

Through recognizing these signs, we can begin the journey of understanding and healing.

1) You often felt unheard or misunderstood

Growing up, we all long for validation and understanding. We want our feelings to be acknowledged and our thoughts to be taken seriously. However, when parents are emotionally unavailable, they often dismiss their children’s emotions or ignore their needs.

As a child, you might have experienced moments where you tried to express your feelings or share your thoughts, only to have your parents brush them aside or invalidate them. This could manifest as a parent belittling your worries, dismissing your accomplishments, or ignoring your emotional cries.

This constant dismissal can lead to feelings of being unheard or misunderstood. It’s a feeling that can carry over into adulthood, causing you to question the validity of your own emotions and thoughts.

2) You developed a strong sense of independence at a young age

Emotionally unavailable parents aren’t usually responsive to their children’s needs. As a result, you may have learned to rely heavily on yourself from a young age. This self-reliance might have made you feel proud and strong, but it also might have left you feeling isolated and unsupported.

With emotionally unavailable parents, you might have had to take care of your own emotional needs or even those of your siblings. Perhaps you became the peacekeeper in the family or the responsible one who had to handle adult issues.

While independence is generally seen as a positive trait, too much of it at a young age can burden a child and deprive them of a carefree childhood. It’s essential to understand that it’s okay to ask for help and lean on others.

As Brene Brown, a researcher who has extensively studied vulnerability and connection, once said, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

Embrace your vulnerability and let others in; it’s one of the bravest things you can do.

3) You have a hard time opening up to others

Emotionally unavailable parents may cause you to internalize the belief that emotions should be hidden or suppressed. As a result, you might find it difficult to open up to others, fearing rejection or misunderstanding.

This is where personal development tools can be instrumental. One such tool that I’ve been deeply involved in producing is the “Free Your Mind” masterclass with the shaman Rudá Iandê. This enlightening journey helps you to transcend limiting beliefs and fears, fostering greater authenticity and freedom in your emotional life.

In this masterclass, Rudá guides participants through exercises that dismantle common myths and pitfalls around emotional expression. He promotes a shift from frustration and guilt to love and acceptance, demonstrating how to overcome self-imposed limitations and embrace your true emotional potential.

Participants gain insights into aligning their thoughts and actions with their personal values, leading to improved emotional resilience. This masterclass encourages proactive steps towards personal growth and a deeper understanding of one’s emotional landscape.

If you’ve found it hard to open up due to past experiences, I encourage you to join this masterclass. Start your journey towards emotional liberation and discover the freedom that comes with expressing your true emotions.

4) You struggle with vulnerability and intimacy

When you grow up with emotionally unavailable parents, vulnerability can seem like a foreign concept. You may have learned to build walls around your emotions to protect yourself from feeling hurt or rejected. As a result, you might struggle with intimacy in your adult relationships.

You may find yourself holding back from fully sharing yourself with others out of fear of being misunderstood or rejected. This fear can prevent you from forming deep, meaningful connections with others, leaving you feeling isolated and unfulfilled.

It’s important to understand that vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength. It’s the courage to show up as your authentic self, even when it feels uncomfortable or risky. Embracing vulnerability can open the door to deeper connections and more fulfilling relationships.

Reflect on this: are you allowing your past experiences to hold you back from forming deep connections? What steps can you take today to start embracing vulnerability in your relationships?

5) You are overly responsible

Emotionally unavailable parents often create an environment where children feel the need to take on responsibilities beyond their years. This could manifest as you feeling a constant pressure to achieve, prove yourself, or take care of others’ needs before your own.

While responsibility is generally seen as a positive trait, it’s essential to remember that you are not responsible for others’ emotions or reactions. You can be empathetic and supportive without carrying the weight of other people’s emotional burdens.

In the journey towards self-awareness and personal freedom, it is crucial to redefine your understanding of responsibility. It’s about taking charge of your own actions and responses, not about taking on the emotional load of others.

In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “You must do the things you think you cannot do.”

Embrace the power of self-responsibility and remember that your primary duty is to honor your own feelings and needs.

6) You are prone to perfectionism

Perfectionism is often a sign of an emotionally unavailable upbringing. You may have developed a belief that you need to be perfect to earn love and approval. This could have stemmed from parents who were quick to point out faults but slow to offer praise.

This drive for perfection can lead to high stress, burnout, and a constant feeling of inadequacy. It’s essential to understand that it’s okay to make mistakes – they’re opportunities for growth and learning. True authenticity comes from embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities.

7) You’ve developed a heightened sensitivity

Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents, you may have become hyper-aware of others’ emotions and moods in an attempt to predict their behavior. This heightened sensitivity can often carry into adulthood.

While being sensitive can be a strength, allowing you to connect deeply with others and be empathetic, it can also be draining if not managed properly. It’s crucial to establish boundaries and learn how to protect your mental and emotional energy.

See your sensitivity as a gift that allows you to experience life deeply but remember the importance of self-care and setting boundaries.

8) Your relationships often feel one-sided

If you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents, you might find yourself drawn towards similar dynamics in your adult relationships. You may often feel like you’re giving more than you’re receiving, leading to feelings of frustration and exhaustion.

Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards establishing healthier relationships. 

A relationship should be a partnership, with both parties contributing equally and supporting each other.

Embracing Authenticity and Vulnerability

In this article, we’ve journeyed through the often painful terrain of recognizing signs of an emotionally unavailable upbringing. But in this journey lies the power of transformation. By acknowledging your past, you pave the way for a future where you are not defined by it.

Facing these truths can be challenging, but it’s an essential step towards healing and creating healthier relationships. 

For those ready to delve deeper into this transformation, I highly recommend the free “Free Your Mind” masterclass with Rudá Iandê. This masterclass, which I helped produce, is designed to help you break free from limiting beliefs and societal conditioning, fostering greater authenticity and freedom in your life.

In this masterclass, Rudá guides participants through exercises to dismantle common emotional pitfalls, develop personal cosmovision, and overcome self-imposed limitations. This journey fosters emotional resilience and aligns thoughts and actions with personal values.

Joining this masterclass will provide you with the tools to create a fulfilling and authentic life. Remember, your past does not define you. You have the power to break free from past patterns and live life on your terms.