8 signs someone is pretending to be a good person (but actually isn’t)

Avatar by Lachlan Brown | September 11, 2024, 7:30 pm

Spotting a wolf in sheep’s clothing isn’t always easy. People can be masters of disguise, pretending to be something they’re not.

The trickiest of these are those who masquerade as good-hearted individuals, all while harboring less than noble intentions. They dazzle us with their charm, only to reveal their true colors later.

But don’t worry, there are telltale signs to look out for. With a bit of knowledge and keen observation, you can distinguish between genuine goodness and a well-rehearsed act.

Here are eight signs that someone may just be pretending to be a good person, when in reality, they’re anything but. 

Let’s get started.

1) Unmatched actions and words

One of the most telling signs of a pretender is a mismatch between their words and actions.

They might paint themselves as a saint, always talking about the good they do or plan to do. But when it comes down to the wire, their actions tell a different story.

It’s easy to talk a good game, but actions speak louder than words. If someone is constantly promising to help, but never actually steps up when needed, it’s a red flag.

Watch out for this discrepancy. It’s often an indicator that someone is not as good-hearted as they want you to believe.

Words are cheap, after all. It’s actions that truly reveal a person’s character.

2) They never admit their faults

We all make mistakes, right? Being human means being flawed. But a person who’s pretending to be better than they are often has a hard time admitting to their faults.

I’ve encountered this in my own life. I once had a friend who always had an excuse or justification for everything. She never admitted when she was wrong, even when it was as clear as day.

Instead of taking responsibility for her actions, she’d shift the blame or dismiss the issue entirely. It was incredibly frustrating.

This inability to admit fault is a common trait among those pretending to be someone they’re not. After all, admitting mistakes means showing vulnerability, something that doesn’t fit into the image of a ‘perfect’ person they’re trying to portray.

3) They’re always playing the victim

Individuals pretending to be good often have an uncanny knack for twisting circumstances. No matter what happens, they somehow always end up as the victim.

In psychology, this is known as playing the ‘victim role’. It’s a manipulative tactic that shifts the focus away from their own questionable behavior and onto the injustices they’ve supposedly suffered.

This constant victimhood helps them gain sympathy and support, furthering their image as a ‘good person’. However, continuous victim playing is far from genuine goodness. It’s self-centered and manipulative, designed to keep them above reproach while they continue their less-than-admirable actions.

4) They’re excessively charming

Charm can be a wonderful trait. It can make a person charismatic and enjoyable to be around. However, an excessive amount of charm can sometimes be a mask for darker intentions.

People pretending to be good often use their charm as a smokescreen. They’ll dazzle you with their wit and flattery, keeping you entertained and distracted from their real behavior.

If you find someone charming to the point where it feels unnatural or forced, take a step back. Examine their actions when the charm is switched off. If they’re only kind, considerate, or helpful when they’re turning on the charm, it may be a sign that their goodness isn’t as genuine as it seems.

5) They lack empathy

At the heart of every truly good person is a deep sense of empathy. The ability to understand and share the feelings of others is fundamental to being kind and compassionate.

But those pretending to be good often struggle with this. They may feign concern or sympathy when it suits them, but their lack of genuine empathy eventually shows.

You might notice that they struggle to truly connect with people on an emotional level. Or perhaps they’re quick to dismiss or minimize other people’s feelings while focusing mainly on their own.

Empathy isn’t something that can be faked for long. So, if someone lacks this essential trait, it’s a strong sign that their goodness might not be as real as it appears.

6) They’re quick to judge others

We all have moments of judgement, it’s part of being human. But there’s a difference between occasional judgement and a constant need to criticize or belittle others.

I recall a time in my life when I was close to someone who had an opinion about everyone and everything. No one was safe from their harsh criticism. Their constant negativity and judgement not only made me uncomfortable, but it also made me question their character.

Judgement stems from a need to feel superior, which is a trait not often found in truly good people. Instead, genuine goodness is about acceptance, understanding, and respect for others, regardless of their flaws or mistakes.

7) They’re only nice when they want something

A true mark of a person’s character is how they treat others when they need nothing in return. Genuine goodness doesn’t come with strings attached or hidden agendas.

But those pretending to be good often have a different approach. They shower you with kindness and attention when they want something from you. But as soon as their needs are met, their niceness disappears.

If someone’s kindness seems conditional upon what you can do for them, it’s a clear sign that their goodness is more about serving their own interests than genuinely caring for others.

8) They’re never genuinely happy for others

One of the most telling signs of a good person is their ability to feel genuine happiness for others. They celebrate others’ successes and are there to support and uplift them.

But those pretending to be good often struggle with this. Instead of being happy, they might feel threatened or envious when someone else succeeds. They might try to downplay others’ accomplishments or shift the focus back onto themselves.

This inability to share in other people’s joy is a clear sign that their goodness isn’t genuine. After all, a truly good person knows that someone else’s success doesn’t diminish their own.

 

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