8 signs someone is highly attracted to you but is holding back, according to psychology

Tina Fey by Tina Fey | July 8, 2024, 6:36 pm

There’s a fine line between someone being attracted to you and someone being genuinely interested in you. It’s like a dance, with both parties circling around the real issue: attraction.

As the founder of the Love Connection blog, I’ve seen it all. People are complex; their desires and fears can make them act in ways that aren’t always straightforward.

Sometimes, someone is deeply attracted to you, but something holds them back from expressing it. Maybe they’re shy, or maybe they’re afraid of rejection. It’s a tricky business, this love game.

But fear not! Psychology has some answers. There are certain signs that suggest someone is attracted to you but isn’t quite ready to let on.

In this article, I’ll share with you 8 signs that someone is highly attracted to you but is holding back.

Let’s dive in.

1) Eye contact

Our eyes say more than we often realize, and they’re particularly revealing when it comes to attraction.

In the world of psychology, sustained eye contact is considered a strong indicator of interest. But when someone is attracted to you yet holding back, their eye contact might be intense but sporadic.

They might look at you intensely and then quickly shift their gaze when you catch them. It’s like they’re trying to send you a message, but they’re also afraid of being caught in the act.

This dance of the eyes is a sign of unspoken desire. They’re attracted to you, but for some reason, they’re not ready to let that be known openly.

So next time you’re around this person, pay attention to their eyes. You might find the confirmation you’ve been looking for. But remember, this is just one sign, and it should be considered in conjunction with other signals.

The world of attraction is complex, but with a little bit of insight into the human psyche, we can navigate it more effectively.

2) They remember the little things

You might have noticed that they remember small details about you or things you’ve said, even when you can’t recall mentioning them. It’s as though they are hanging onto your every word.

This is a classic sign of attraction. When someone is attracted to us, their attention to detail increases. They might remember the little tidbits you’ve dropped in conversations weeks ago, like your favorite book or how you take your coffee.

When I was first falling for my partner, I found myself remembering the tiniest details about our conversations. It felt like every word he said was etched into my memory. That’s when I knew I was smitten!

Remember what Maya Angelou famously said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” When someone is attracted to you but holding back, they may be trying to make you feel special by remembering these little details.

If they remember things about you that even your closest friends don’t, it’s a good sign that they’re pretty attracted to you. However, it also might mean that they’re not ready to express their feelings openly just yet.

3) They always seem to be around

You may notice that this person seems to be in your vicinity more often than coincidence would allow. Perhaps they show up at the same social events or frequent the same coffee shop. It’s like they’re always in the background, watching and waiting.

In psychology, this is known as proximity principle. We tend to form stronger connections with those we’re regularly in close proximity with. If someone is attracted to you but holding back, they might put themselves in your path more frequently, hoping to strengthen that connection.

I remember when I was starting my journey as a relationship expert and writing my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I noticed this pattern of proximity in my own relationships. It was a revelation that sparked my interest in understanding these subtle signs of attraction.

So don’t dismiss these random encounters as mere coincidences. They could be an indication that someone is drawn to you but isn’t ready to make their move just yet. And remember, understanding these signs is the first step towards building healthier, more fulfilling relationships – a topic I delve into deeply in my book.

4) They seem indifferent

Now, this might seem a little counterintuitive. If someone is attracted to you, wouldn’t they show it openly? Not necessarily. Sometimes, people who are holding back their feelings might act indifferent or even distant.

In psychology, this is often referred to as playing hard to get. Some people use this strategy to gauge the other person’s interest level. If you pursue them despite their indifference, it shows that your attraction is strong.

On the other hand, they might just be trying to protect themselves from potential rejection. It’s easier to act indifferent than to risk showing their true feelings and getting hurt.

Attraction isn’t always straightforward. It’s a complex mix of emotions, fears, and desires. If someone seems indifferent towards you, don’t write them off just yet. They might just be trying to hide how much they’re really into you.

5) They tease you

I’ve always believed that a little bit of teasing can be a sign of affection. Think about it – when we’re kids, we tease those we have a crush on. Turns out, not much has changed as adults.

When someone is attracted to you but holding back, they might resort to teasing as a safe way to express their interest. It’s playful, it’s flirty, and it allows them to interact with you without revealing too much.

I recall an old friend who used to tease me relentlessly. At first, I was annoyed, but then I realized it was his quirky way of showing he was interested.

 It could be a sign that they’re attracted to you but are using humor as a shield to hide their feelings.

6) They get nervous around you

Let’s be real, we’ve all been there. When you’re attracted to someone, it’s natural to feel a bit nervous around them. Your palms might sweat, your heart might race, or you might stumble over your words.

When someone is highly attracted to you but trying to hide it, these nerves can be even more apparent. They’re wrestling with their feelings, trying to play it cool, but their body betrays them.

This sort of raw honesty can be endearing. It shows that they care about how they come across to you. They want to impress you, and the thought of messing up makes them nervous.

So if you notice them acting uncharacteristically nervous around you, it could be a sign they’re trying to hide their attraction. It’s a vulnerable position to be in, so tread lightly and remember that everyone deserves kindness and understanding in matters of the heart.

7) They mirror your actions

Mirroring is a powerful nonverbal cue. It’s when someone subconsciously mimics your behavior or body language. It’s often seen as a sign of rapport and a desire to understand and connect with the other person.

When someone is attracted to you but holding back, they might mirror your gestures, your speech patterns, or even your likes and dislikes. It’s a subconscious way of saying, “I’m like you. We’re on the same wavelength.”

One of my favorite quotes from Albert Einstein is “Mirror is my best friend because when I cry, it never laughs.” This resonates here because just like a mirror reflects our image, mirroring in relationships reflects our emotional connection.

In my early dating years, I noticed that my now-husband tended to mimic my hand gestures during our conversations. It was subtle, but once I noticed it, it was a dead giveaway of his interest in me.

Pay attention to these subtle signs. If they’re mirroring you, it could be their subconscious way of expressing their attraction to you.

8) They defend you

When someone is attracted to you, they naturally want to protect you, even if they’re trying to hide their feelings. If they find others speaking ill of you or treating you unfairly, they might instinctively jump to your defense.

It’s an honest, raw reaction. It shows that they care about your well-being and how others perceive you. They might not be ready to openly express their attraction, but their actions speak volumes.

This protective instinct is a powerful indicator of deep affection and attraction. It’s a sign that despite their hesitation to reveal their feelings, they’re willing to stand up for you.

Actions often speak louder than words. If they defend you, it’s likely because they’re attracted to you but are holding back for some reason. It’s one of the most straightforward signs of concealed attraction, and it’s something that shouldn’t be overlooked.

Conclusion

People express their feelings in different ways and at different paces. If you notice any of these signs, it might be worth having an open, honest conversation with them.

Understanding these signs is the first step towards building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. It’s a topic I delve into deeply in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a guide to understanding your own relationship patterns and how to break free from unhealthy attachments.

Remember, love can be complicated, but with a bit of insight and understanding, we can navigate its twists and turns more effectively. Happy loving!

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