There’s a striking difference between being loved and being used.

You see, love is all about mutual respect, understanding, and selflessness. Being used, however, is like being a puppet in someone else’s drama, where you’re manipulated to suit their needs.

Recognizing these signs can be tough, especially when you’re caught up in the whirlwind of emotions that come with relationships. But trust me, as the founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship expert, I’ve seen it all.

From my experience, there are certain signs that can help you distinguish between genuine love and mere exploitation.

In this article, I’ll share 8 signs he doesn’t love you (he only loves using you).

These insights are designed to help you make informed decisions about your relationships.

As hard as it may be to confront these truths, remember, you deserve nothing less than real love.

Let’s dive in. 

1) He’s always taking, never giving

In the realm of love, it’s all about balance.

Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual giving and receiving. It’s like a dance where both partners move in sync, respecting each other’s needs and boundaries.

When you find yourself in a relationship where you’re constantly giving, and he’s consistently on the receiving end, it might be a sign that you’re being used rather than loved.

This could manifest in various forms – from him expecting you to always be there for him but never reciprocating, to him taking advantage of your time, money or even emotions without giving anything back.

2) He’s absent during your tough times

A wise woman once told me, “If he can’t handle you at your worst, then he doesn’t deserve you at your best.” That woman was none other than Marilyn Monroe.

In my experience as a relationship expert, I’ve found this quote to be profoundly true. Love isn’t just about being there during the good times, the laughs, and the highs. It’s also about holding hands through the storms, the tears and the lows.

When someone truly loves you, they’re not just there when it’s convenient or fun. They’re there when you need them the most—during your toughest times.

If he disappears or becomes distant when you’re going through a rough patch, it might be a sign that he’s using you for his enjoyment rather than genuinely loving you.

In a loving relationship, both partners should be each other’s pillars of support. So if he’s missing in action during your time of need, it’s time to ask yourself: Is this really love?

3) Your feelings are often dismissed

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk about the importance of emotional validation in a relationship.

When you’re in love, your feelings should be acknowledged and respected, not brushed aside or dismissed. If he often disregards your feelings or makes you feel like they’re not important, it’s a clear red flag.

Someone who truly loves you will make an effort to understand your emotions, even if they don’t always agree with them. They’ll listen to your concerns and validate your feelings because they care about your happiness and peace of mind.

However, if he dismisses your feelings or belittles you for having them, it could be a sign that he’s not truly invested in the relationship and is more interested in using you for his own means.

Love shouldn’t make you feel invalidated or small. If you’re struggling with this, my book might provide some valuable insights to help you navigate these tough waters.

4) He’s overly charming

Now, this might sound counterintuitive. After all, who doesn’t like a charming partner?

But here’s the catch: Charm can sometimes be a mask for manipulation.

If he’s always laying on the charm thick and fast, it could be an attempt to distract you from his true intentions. Over-the-top charm can often be used as a tool to keep you hooked while he continues to use you for his own purposes.

Real love isn’t about constant flattery or grand gestures. It’s about genuine care, respect, and understanding.

If his charm feels more like a performance than genuine affection, it might be time to take a step back and evaluate the relationship. 

5) He avoids discussing the future

Over my years of coaching couples and writing about relationships, one thing I’ve found is that people who are truly in love aren’t afraid to discuss the future.

If he constantly dodges conversations about your future together or becomes vague when you bring up long-term plans, it could be a sign that he’s not as committed to the relationship as you are.

Love is about building a shared future together. It’s about dreaming, planning, and working towards common goals. If he’s reluctant to share this part of his life with you, it might be because he only sees you as a convenience in the present.

A person who truly loves you will want to include you in their future plans, not keep you in the dark.

6) He only shows up when he needs something

Let’s cut to the chase. If he only comes around when he needs something, whether it’s emotional support, physical intimacy or a favor, it’s a significant sign that he’s using you.

Love isn’t a transaction. It’s not about showing up only when there’s something to gain. It’s about being there because you genuinely care for each other, in good times and bad.

If you often find yourself feeling like a convenience rather than a cherished partner, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. You deserve someone who values and appreciates you for who you are, not what you can offer.

7) He doesn’t show interest in your life

As the brilliant Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

If he doesn’t show genuine interest in your life – your dreams, your passions, your worries, or even how your day went – it can leave you feeling unimportant and neglected.

A person who truly loves you will want to know all about you. He’ll be curious about what makes you tick, what makes you happy, and even what grinds your gears.

But if he shows little to no interest in getting to know you on a deeper level, it might indicate that his feelings for you are superficial.

Authentic love is about mutual understanding and deep emotional connection. If he’s not making an effort to understand and connect with you, ask yourself if this is the kind of love you want.

8) He doesn’t make you feel special

Love, in its purest form, should make you feel cherished and special.

If he often makes you feel like you’re just another person in his life, it’s a red flag. If he doesn’t take the time to express his affection, appreciate your efforts, or celebrate your accomplishments, it could be a sign that he’s using you.

Real love isn’t generic. It’s specific, unique, and personal. It makes you feel like you’re the only one in the world who could make him feel the way he does.

If you’re feeling anything less than special in your relationship, it might be time for some serious heart-to-heart. Remember, love should lift you up, not bring you down.

Conclusion

Real love is about mutual respect, understanding, and selflessness, not about one-sided gain.

If these signs hit a little too close to home, it might be time for some reflection. Ask yourself: Are you truly loved, or are you being used?

Navigating these feelings can be tough, and it’s okay to seek help. My book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, might just be the resource you need to start making sense of your emotions and experiences.

Remember, you deserve a love that is genuine, respectful, and fulfilling. Don’t settle for anything less.