Ladies, we’ve all met men who seem too good to be true, right? Sometimes, they actually are.

A man may seem nice on the surface, but the reality could be far from it. It’s often tough to distinguish between a genuinely good guy and someone who’s just putting on an act.

Throughout my years as a relationship expert, I’ve identified some telltale signs that a man might not be as nice as he appears. These are subtle signs, easy to miss if you’re not paying attention.

Let’s get started. 

1) Inconsistent actions

In the world of dating, actions truly speak louder than words.

Ladies, we’ve all been there. When he says all the right things, showers you with compliments, but his actions tell a different story. This inconsistency is a red flag you should not ignore.

If he promises to call but doesn’t, or cancels plans at the last minute without a good reason, these are signals that he might not be the good guy he portrays himself to be.

Remember, a genuinely good man will respect your time and feelings. He will follow through on his promises and his actions will align with his words.

When when you’re dating someone new, pay close attention to his actions. They can reveal more about him than his words ever could. Don’t let the sweet talk cloud your judgment.

2) Lack of respect for boundaries

Having personal boundaries is crucial in any relationship. It’s something I had to learn the hard way in my earlier dating years.

If a man consistently dismisses or ignores your boundaries, it’s a significant red flag. Whether it’s about your time, your personal space, or your feelings, a good guy will always respect your boundaries.

But if he’s always pushing you to do things you’re not comfortable with or doesn’t take no for an answer, it’s time to rethink the relationship.

3) Always playing the victim

In my years as a relationship advisor, and especially during the writing of my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I’ve observed that a common trait among not-so-good men is that they always play the victim.

If he’s always blaming others for his problems, or can’t accept responsibility for his actions, it’s a clear sign that he may not be a good person.

A mature man takes responsibility for his actions and learns from his mistakes. He doesn’t shift blame or play the victim to gain sympathy or evade accountability.

In my book, I delve deeper into how such behavior can set off a cycle of codependency in a relationship. It’s worth a read if you find yourself stuck in such a situation.

4) Overly charming at the beginning

Now, this may sound counterintuitive, but being overly charming right from the start can actually be a warning sign.

Sure, we all love a good charmer. But if he’s laying it on thick from day one, it might be more than just an attempt to impress you. This could be a tactic to win you over quickly and gain your trust.

In my experience, genuine connections take time to form and develop. A man who’s truly good-hearted will understand this and won’t pressure you or rush things.

As Jane Austen beautifully put it, “Time will explain.” So remember, don’t let the initial charm cloud your judgment. Take your time to know the person behind that captivating smile.

5) He’s not kind to others

I’ve often found that one of the most revealing ways to judge a person’s character is by observing how they treat others.

If your date is sweet as pie to you but rude to the waiter, or dismissive of his friends, that’s a glaring sign. This behavior indicates a lack of empathy and respect for others, qualities that are fundamental in a good person.

I still remember a date from my college days. The guy was so charming towards me but was downright rude to the cab driver. That was a wake-up call for me.

As the saying goes, “How you do anything is how you do everything.” So, pay close attention to how he behaves with others. It can tell you more about him than he might be willing to reveal.

6) He doesn’t support your dreams

Let’s get real, ladies. We all have dreams and ambitions, and we deserve to be with someone who supports them, not someone who belittles or dismisses them.

If he mocks your goals or makes you feel foolish for having them, then I’m sorry to say it, but he’s not a good person.

A good man will always lift you up and support your dreams, no matter how big or small they may seem. He will be your biggest cheerleader, not someone who dampens your spirit.

Your dreams are valid and important. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

7) He’s secretive about his past

We all have a past, and it’s completely okay not to share every single detail with someone you’ve just started dating. However, if he’s consistently secretive or vague about his past, it could be a sign that he’s hiding something.

A good man knows the importance of honesty in a relationship. He may not spill all the beans at once, but he won’t keep you in the dark either.

I remember once dating a man who was extremely evasive about his past. It turned out he had a trail of broken promises and relationships behind him. That experience taught me the importance of transparency in a relationship.

8) He doesn’t apologize

This one hits home, ladies. It’s raw, but it’s honest: a man who never apologizes is not a good person.

We all make mistakes, that’s human. But owning up to them, apologizing, and making amends is what separates the men from the boys. If he can’t say “I’m sorry” when he’s wrong, that’s a glaring red flag.

A good man understands that an apology is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it shows maturity, humility, and respect for the other person’s feelings.

If he messes up and refuses to apologize or acknowledge his mistake, it’s time to rethink if this is the kind of person you want in your life. 

Conclusion

Dating can be a tricky game, ladies. But remember, you deserve someone who loves and respects you for who you are. Don’t settle for less.

These signs are not foolproof, but they can act as a guide to help you navigate the world of dating and relationships. If you see these signs, it’s okay to take a step back and reconsider.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss more about such relationship dynamics and how to break free from unhealthy patterns.

Remember, your happiness and peace of mind should always come first. You’re worth it!