There’s a world of difference between being assertive and being a narcissist.

Assertiveness is about expressing your views honestly, while respecting the feelings of others. Narcissism, however, is a different beast altogether.

A narcissist will use clever, often subtle language to belittle you and make you feel insignificant. They do this to inflate their own ego and maintain control.

In the following article, we’ll delve into eight phrases commonly used by narcissists to demean others. These are phrases designed to undermine your confidence, so being able to spot them can be a real game-changer.

Let’s take a closer look at the language of narcissism.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

In the realm of emotional manipulation, few tactics are as effective – or as commonly used by narcissists – as gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a technique that undermines your perception of reality, making you question your own feelings and instincts. It’s a psychological game that narcissists play to gain power and control.

One of the most common phrases used in this strategy is “You’re too sensitive.” This not only invalidates your emotions, but also shifts the blame onto you, making you feel small and insignificant.

It’s a clever way for a narcissist to dismiss your concerns or feelings, making you question your own judgement. This phrase is a clear sign that the person you’re dealing with might be trying to belittle and manipulate you.

Your feelings are valid. It’s important to stand your ground when confronted with this kind of manipulation. Recognizing these tactics is the first step in protecting yourself from their harm.

2) “I never said that”

Another classic hallmark of a narcissist is their ability to rewrite history. They have an uncanny knack for denying or distorting past events, especially if it puts them in a negative light.

“I never said that” is a phrase I’ve heard often in my own experiences with narcissistic individuals. It’s as if they believe that by denying their own words, they can make the past disappear or change what really happened.

For instance, I remember a conversation I had with a former friend who had a tendency towards narcissism. We had planned to meet for lunch, and he had explicitly agreed to the time and place. But when he didn’t show up and I confronted him about it, he flatly denied ever agreeing to meet. His exact words were, “I never said that.”

It was a blatant lie and I knew it. But such is the deceitful nature of a narcissist. They exert control by creating confusion and doubt, causing you to question your own memory and perception.

Spotting this behavior is crucial. It’s not about your memory failing you, it’s about their attempt to manipulate reality.

3) “No one else thinks that”

The phrase, “No one else thinks that,” is a common tool used by narcissists to belittle and isolate their victims. It’s a way of dismissing your thoughts or feelings by implying they’re abnormal or incorrect.

This phrase is particularly damaging as it uses a form of group consensus to undermine your beliefs, making you feel alone and unsupported. It’s a tactic designed to make you question your own judgment and fall in line with their perspective.

It’s noteworthy that a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people tend to overvalue the opinions and behaviors of others, even when they conflict with their own experiences, a phenomenon known as social conformity. Narcissists exploit this human tendency, using phrases like “No one else thinks that” to manipulate and control their victims.

In reality, your thoughts and feelings are valid, regardless of what others may or may not think. Being aware of this manipulative strategy can help you stand your ground when faced with such dismissive behavior.

4) “You’re being dramatic”

Another phrase often used by narcissists to belittle you is “You’re being dramatic.” This is a subtle way of undermining your feelings and experiences, trivializing them as something overblown or exaggerated.

Using this phrase, the narcissist cleverly delegitimizes your concerns or emotions, making them seem irrational or overly emotional. It’s a method to deflect attention away from their behavior and onto your response, putting you on the defensive.

It’s a tactic designed to make you feel small and invalidated, to silence you, and to maintain their control and superiority over you.

Understanding this tactic can help you recognize when your feelings are being dismissed unjustly. Remember, it’s not about being dramatic; it’s about expressing genuine feelings that deserve to be heard and respected.

5) “You’ll never find someone like me”

Oh, the phrase “You’ll never find someone like me,” is a classic in the narcissist playbook. It’s a cruel, yet cunning way to make you feel small and worthless without them.

This phrase is designed to tap into your fears and insecurities. It’s a tactic to make you believe that they’re the best you can get, that you’re undeserving of anyone better.

But here’s the heartfelt truth: Everyone deserves respect, kindness, and understanding in a relationship. The narcissist’s claim isn’t a testament to their worth, but rather a reflection of their desire to control and manipulate.

Don’t let this phrase intimidate you or make you feel less than. Remember, there is always someone out there who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. The world is full of kind-hearted people who would never use such hurtful words. You are worthy of better.

6) “If you really loved me, you’d…”

“If you really loved me, you’d…” is a phrase I’ve heard far too many times. It’s a manipulative tactic narcissists use to make you feel guilty for not meeting their expectations or demands.

I remember a past relationship where this phrase was used repeatedly. Every time I disagreed or set boundaries, I’d hear, “If you really loved me, you’d agree with me,” or “If you really loved me, you’d do this for me.” It created a sense of obligation, as though my love was measured by my compliance.

This phrase turns love into a tool of manipulation, twisting it into a means of control. It’s designed to make you feel small and to question your own feelings.

Don’t let anyone use your love as a weapon against you. Your love is not conditional on meeting someone else’s unreasonable demands. Remember, true love respects individuality and boundaries.

7) “You’re just jealous”

The phrase, “You’re just jealous,” is another common tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. It’s a deflection tactic used to sidestep your concerns or criticisms and turn them back on you.

By accusing you of jealousy, the narcissist effectively invalidates your feelings or observations, shifting the focus from their actions to your supposed envy. It’s a clever way to belittle you and avoid taking responsibility for their behavior.

This phrase is often used when you question or comment on the narcissist’s actions, particularly if they’re being inconsiderate or disrespectful. Instead of addressing your concerns, they dismiss them as petty jealousy.

Remember, just because someone accuses you of jealousy doesn’t make it true. Don’t let this tactic undermine your feelings or observations. Your concerns are valid and deserve to be heard.

8) “You’re overreacting”

Perhaps one of the most damaging phrases a narcissist uses to belittle you is “You’re overreacting.” This phrase is a direct attack on your emotions, making you feel small and irrational for expressing your feelings.

It’s a manipulative tactic that aims to make you question your emotions or reactions, painting them as excessive or unwarranted. This allows the narcissist to avoid accountability for their actions and maintain control.

Your emotions are your own. No one has the right to dictate how you should feel or react. When someone tells you that you’re overreacting, it’s often because your reaction is inconvenient for them, not because it’s unjustified. Stand firm in your feelings and trust your instincts. Your emotions are valid and should be respected.