There’s a thin line between strict parenting and bad parenting.

This line is often blurred by the perspective of time and the inherent bias of love. Bad parenting is more than just a strict curfew or a grumpy attitude; it’s an ongoing pattern of harmful behavior.

Growing up with a bad parent can be tough to identify, especially when you’re within the thick of it. It’s even more difficult to acknowledge it retrospectively, as we tend to view our childhood through the rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia.

However, there are certain signs that can help you uncover if you were raised by a bad parent, even if you didn’t realize it at the time. Let’s take a walk down memory lane and explore these subtle yet significant indicators.

1) Constant criticism

Everyone faces criticism; it’s a part of life. But when it’s a continuous, unending stream from a parent, it crosses the boundary of constructive feedback and enters the realm of bad parenting.

Parents are supposed to be the pillars of support for a child. Yes, they should guide and correct when necessary, but they should also uplift and inspire. When a parent’s words are more often damaging than uplifting, it can deeply impact a child’s self-esteem.

Reflect on your childhood. Were your achievements always overshadowed by remarks about how you could have done better? Was there an incessant focus on your mistakes rather than your efforts? If this resonates with you, you might have been subjected to constant criticism, a common sign of bad parenting.

But remember, recognizing this doesn’t mean demonizing your parent(s). It’s about understanding your past to better navigate your future.

2) Lack of emotional availability

I remember growing up, my father was always physically present, but emotionally, he seemed miles away. He would sit at the dinner table, silently eating his meal while the rest of us chatted about our day. His mind was always elsewhere, consumed by work or other interests.

Emotional availability is more than just being in the same room with your child. It involves active listening, empathy, and genuine engagement.

Parents are human, and it’s normal for them to have bad days or periods where they’re less available. But when this becomes the norm rather than the exception, it’s a sign of bad parenting.

As a child, I yearned for my father’s attention and validation, but it was as if there was an invisible wall between us. Now that I’m older, I realize how this lack of emotional connection affected my relationships and self-worth.

If you can relate to feeling emotionally disconnected from your parent(s), you might have experienced this form of bad parenting. Understanding this can help you heal and build healthier relationships moving forward.

3) Neglecting your interests and ambitions

Parents are typically the first to recognize and nurture a child’s talents and interests. Encouraging these passions plays a crucial role in shaping a child’s identity and self-confidence.

However, some parents, either due to their own unfulfilled dreams or rigid expectations, might disregard or even suppress their child’s unique interests. This is a clear sign of bad parenting.

If your childhood was marked by your interests being overlooked or belittled, you might have been raised by a bad parent. Recognizing this is the first step towards healing and rediscovering your passions.

4) Absence of boundaries

Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, including that between a parent and child. They provide a sense of security and personal space, allowing children to develop a healthy sense of self.

Parents who overstep or ignore these boundaries often invade their child’s privacy, disregard their feelings, or place inappropriate expectations on them. This lack of respect for personal boundaries is a sign of bad parenting.

Think back to your childhood. Were your personal space and privacy often violated? Were your feelings and opinions dismissed or trivialized? If these experiences feel familiar, you may have been raised by a parent who disrespected your boundaries.

Acknowledging this can be difficult but it’s an important step towards understanding your past and setting healthier boundaries in your present relationships.

5) Using love as a bargaining chip

Love from a parent should be unconditional. It’s the warm, secure base from which children learn to navigate the world. But sadly, not all parents offer this kind of love.

In some households, love is treated as a bargaining chip. Approval and affection are given in exchange for certain behaviors or achievements, creating an unstable emotional environment.

This can lead to a constant feeling of walking on eggshells, where you’re always trying to earn love and avoid disapproval. It’s an exhausting and damaging way to grow up.

If your childhood was characterized by this conditional form of love, know that it’s not your fault. You deserved to be loved unconditionally, and recognizing this is a vital step towards healing and understanding what true love looks like.

6) No room for mistakes

Growing up, I was terrified to make mistakes. My mother had a strict standard of perfection, and any slip-up, no matter how minor, was met with harsh criticism. This environment of constant fear caused me to shy away from trying new things and stifled my growth.

Children should be allowed to make mistakes. It’s through these missteps that they learn and grow. However, if a parent creates an atmosphere where mistakes are unacceptable, it can lead to anxiety and low self-esteem in their child.

If you were brought up in a household where the fear of making a mistake was prevalent, it’s likely you were raised by a bad parent. Understanding this can help you break free from the cycle of perfectionism and embrace the value of learning from mistakes.

7) Disregard for your feelings

One of the most important aspects of parenting is acknowledging and validating a child’s feelings. It’s through this validation that children learn to trust their emotions and develop a healthy emotional intelligence.

However, some parents tend to dismiss or belittle their child’s feelings. This could range from ignoring a child’s cry for help to ridiculing their fears or concerns.

Growing up in such an environment can lead to a struggle with expressing emotions openly and honestly later in life. If your feelings were often dismissed or trivialized during your childhood, this could be an indicator of bad parenting.

Recognizing this can be challenging but it’s crucial in understanding your emotional patterns and working towards healthier emotional expression.

8) Absence of consistent and genuine affection

At the heart of parenting is love. Genuine, consistent affection from a parent is the cornerstone of a child’s emotional development and sense of self-worth.

Unfortunately, not all parents express this love consistently or genuinely. This inconsistent affection can leave a child feeling insecure and confused about their worth.

If you experienced a lack of consistent affection during your childhood, it’s a strong sign of bad parenting. It’s crucial to know that you deserved this love and it was not your fault if it was lacking.