We’ve all been there – dealing with someone who seems perfectly nice on the surface, but something just doesn’t feel right.

Navigating the world of fake niceness can be like walking through a minefield. You never know when you’ll step on a landmine of ulterior motives hidden beneath a sweet smile.

That’s why I’ve put together this list of 8 definite signs you’re dealing with a fake nice person.

As the founder of Love Connection blog and a relationship expert, I’ve seen it all – from genuine kindness to calculated charm.

In this article, I’m going to share some personal experiences and help you identify those red flags when someone’s ‘niceness’ isn’t all that it seems.

Let’s get started. 

1) Excessive Compliments

Now, don’t get me wrong. Receiving a compliment can be a lovely thing. But there’s a difference between someone genuinely complimenting you and someone who’s just laying it on too thick.

Fake nice people tend to be overly complimentary. They’ll shower you with praises, often for the most trivial things. It’s like they have an endless stock of sweet words, ready to use at any given moment.

See, the thing is, genuine compliments come from a place of sincerity. They’re spontaneous and feel heartfelt. But when someone is constantly complimenting you, it can feel forced and insincere.

When you find someone showering you with compliments left, right, and center, take a moment to ask yourself if it feels genuine. It could be a sign that you’re dealing with a fake nice person.

2) They’re Only Nice When They Need Something

I remember a friend of mine who would only call me when she needed a favor. The rest of the time, she was mysteriously absent. It took me a while to realize that her niceness was timed to her needs.

Fake nice people have a knack for showing up when they need something. They’ll be as sweet as pie, but once they get what they want, they disappear or their attitude changes.

As Benjamin Franklin wisely said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”

If someone is consistently nice to you only when they need your help but are conveniently absent other times, it might be time to reassess that relationship.

3) Their Actions Don’t Match Their Words

I’ve learned from both my personal experiences and my years as a relationship expert that actions truly do speak louder than words. If someone is always saying the right things but their actions tell a different story, you may be dealing with a fake nice person.

They might promise to help you move, for example, but when the day comes, they’re nowhere to be found. Or they’ll tell you they’re there for you, but when you need them most, they’re strangely unavailable.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk about the importance of paying attention to a person’s actions rather than just their words. It’s a crucial part of building and maintaining healthy relationships.

If someone’s actions consistently don’t match their words, it’s a definite sign that their niceness might not be so genuine after all.

4) They’re Always the Victim

Now, this one might seem a bit counterintuitive. After all, aren’t nice people supposed to be empathetic and understanding? Well, yes, but there’s a difference between empathy and constantly playing the victim.

Fake nice people have a tendency to portray themselves as the victim in every situation. They’ll twist stories and manipulate facts so they always appear to be the ones wronged.

By doing this, they gain sympathy and maintain an image of innocence. It’s a clever way to divert attention from their true character and actions.

If you notice someone always seems to be the victim, no matter the situation, it might be time to question their authenticity.

5) They’re Never Wrong

I once had a colleague who was never wrong, or at least that’s what he believed. No matter the situation, he was always right and everyone else was wrong. It was exhausting to deal with, to say the least.

Fake nice people have this uncanny ability to never be at fault. They have an answer for everything, and they’re always ready with excuses and justifications for their actions.

It’s almost as if admitting a mistake would shatter their perfect image of niceness. But the truth is, we all make mistakes and that’s okay. What’s not okay is refusing to acknowledge them.

Genuine people are humble enough to admit their mistakes and learn from them.

6) They’re Quick to Judge Others

Here’s a raw truth – Fake nice people are often harsh judges in disguise. They put on a sweet facade, but behind your back, they’re quick to judge and criticize others.

They might smile at you and nod at all the right places, but the moment you turn around, they’re picking apart your choices and actions. It’s as if criticizing others makes them feel superior or more virtuous.

This isn’t just mean, it’s fake. Genuine people understand that everyone has their own journey and challenges. They respect individual choices and refrain from unnecessary judgement.

If someone you know is quick to judge others while maintaining a facade of niceness, you might be dealing with a fake nice person. It’s a hard truth to swallow, but important to recognize for your own peace of mind.

7) They Lack Empathy

I’ll never forget an old friend of mine. She’d nod and smile when I shared my problems, but I could always tell she wasn’t really listening. It felt like she was just waiting for her turn to talk. That’s when I realized that empathy was missing from our conversations.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It’s a trait that genuinely nice people possess in abundance. But fake nice people? They lack this essential quality.

They might seem sympathetic on the surface, but their lack of genuine concern becomes obvious over time.

As the renowned Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

If someone is consistently unable to show true empathy, it’s a clear sign that their niceness might be a facade. Genuine kindness involves empathy and understanding, not just empty words or actions.

8) They’re Inconsistent

Here’s a bit of raw honesty – inconsistency is a telltale sign of a fake nice person. One day they’re your best friend, the next day they barely acknowledge your existence.

This kind of unpredictability can be confusing and emotionally draining. It leaves you constantly guessing and unsure about where you stand with them.

Genuine people are consistent in their behavior. They don’t switch from being kind to cold at the drop of a hat. Their kindness doesn’t come with conditions or fluctuate based on their mood or situation.

Final Thoughts

We all deserve authentic relationships filled with mutual respect and kindness. So don’t be afraid to draw boundaries when needed and protect your emotional wellbeing.

If you’re interested in learning more about maintaining healthy relationships, check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

After all, life’s too short for fake niceness. Here’s to keeping it real, always.