As humans, we crave acceptance. We want people to like us, enjoy our company. But sometimes, unbeknownst to us, we’re doing subtle things that are turning people off.

Psychology sheds light on these unconscious behaviors. It’s not about the big mistakes; rather, it’s the tiny, barely noticeable habits that can make people dislike you.

I’m going to share seven of these subtle habits. They might be things you’re not even aware you’re doing. But don’t worry – awareness is the first step to change.

Let’s dive in.

1) Over sharing

We all value transparency and honesty, but there’s a fine line between being open and oversharing.

Psychology suggests that oversharing, especially early on in a relationship or interaction, can make people uncomfortable. It’s like offering too much information, too soon.

It’s great to let people in and share aspects of our lives. But when we bombard others with personal stories or details without any filter, it can feel imposing.

The other person might feel overwhelmed, awkward, and may start to pull away. They might also feel burdened with the responsibility of your personal information.

Building rapport takes time. Let the relationship progress naturally and share personal details as it becomes appropriate. This way, you’ll be more likely to foster lasting, meaningful connections.

2) Not listening

I’ll admit it, I’ve been guilty of this one. We all have, really. Picture this: you’re at a gathering and someone’s sharing a story. But instead of really listening, your mind is elsewhere, or worse, you’re already preparing your response or your own anecdote.

What we don’t realize is that people can sense when we’re not genuinely engaged in what they’re saying. It can come off as dismissive or self-centered, leaving the other person feeling unheard and unimportant.

One day, a good friend called me out on it. It was a wake-up call. Since then, I’ve made an effort to consciously listen when someone else is talking, to wait until they finish before formulating my response.

Genuine listening involves not just hearing the words but understanding the feelings and thoughts behind them. It’s about showing respect for the other person’s experiences and perspectives. Trust me, people will appreciate you more for it.

3) Negativity

Did you know that our brains are wired to react more strongly to negative stimuli than to positive ones? This phenomenon is known as the negativity bias.

This means that when you’re consistently negative, always complaining or criticizing, people tend to remember it more than your positive behaviors. It’s draining for others to be around constant negativity, and over time, it can make them dislike you.

Positivity, on the other hand, is attractive. It makes people feel good and want to be around you more. 

4) Lack of empathy

We all want to feel understood, to know that our feelings are validated. When someone continuously dismisses our emotions or fails to show empathy, it can create a disconnect.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It’s about putting yourself in their shoes and seeing things from their perspective.

When you ignore or undermine someone’s feelings, it sends a message that their experiences don’t matter to you. This can lead to resentment and ultimately, dislike.

When someone opens up about their feelings, try to empathize with their situation. Show them that you understand what they’re going through. It can make all the difference in how they perceive you.

5) Being judgmental

I remember a time when I felt extremely judged. I was going through a tough phase, and instead of support, I felt like people were passing judgement on me.

Nobody likes to be judged or criticized, especially when they’re already feeling low. It creates a sense of rejection and can make people feel defensive or even angry.

When we’re judgmental, we are essentially telling others that they’re not living up to our standards. This can be really off-putting and make people dislike you.

Instead, try to approach people with compassion and understanding. Everyone is fighting their own battles. Offering support instead of judgement can help build stronger and more positive relationships.

6) Being too self-focused

While it’s natural to talk about our own experiences and views, constantly steering the conversation back to ourselves can be a turn-off.

When we’re always talking about ourselves and not showing interest in others, it can come across as self-centered and uninterested. It sends a message that we value our own thoughts and experiences more than those of others.

Instead, show genuine interest in what others have to say. Ask questions, engage in their stories, and show that you’re not just there to talk about yourself. This creates a sense of shared experience and respect that can make people like you more.

7) Not respecting boundaries

This is perhaps the most crucial point of all. Everyone has their own personal space, both physically and emotionally. Crossing these boundaries, even unintentionally, can make people extremely uncomfortable and lead them to dislike you.

Respecting boundaries means understanding and acknowledging the limits of others. It’s about knowing when to step back and give space, when to keep certain topics off the table, and when to avoid certain actions.

When you respect people’s boundaries, you show them that you value their comfort and autonomy. This not only helps avoid misunderstandings and conflicts but also fosters trust and respect in your relationships.

A note on self-awareness

The crux of everything we’ve discussed boils down to one fundamental aspect of human psychology – self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of our own character, feelings, motives, and desires. It’s the ability to take an honest look at ourselves, understand our behaviors, and recognize their impact on those around us.

It’s not always easy. Looking inward and confronting our own shortcomings can be a challenging process. But it’s necessary if we want to grow and improve our relationships with others.

So, take some time today to reflect. Are you guilty of any of these subtle behaviors? What can you do to change them? Remember, the first step to change is acknowledging the need for it.

It’s a journey, a continuous process. But every step you take towards becoming more self-aware is a step towards better relationships and a better you.