Emotional neglect can be a tricky thing to pinpoint, especially when it comes from someone as close as a parent.

It’s not as clear-cut as physical neglect and often slips under the radar, leaving you questioning your own feelings.

Psychology, however, offers some reliable signs that can help you identify if you’ve been emotionally neglected by your parents. And speaking from personal experience, I can assure you that understanding these signs can lead to some pretty life-changing revelations.

In this article, I’ll outline the 7 signs that you may have had a parent who emotionally neglected you, according to psychology.

1) Difficulty in forming emotional connections

Emotional neglect can often be subtle, but its impacts are far from it.

One of the most telling signs that you were emotionally neglected as a child is a difficulty in forming emotional connections with others. This could manifest in various ways – maybe you find it hard to trust people, or perhaps you struggle to express your emotions openly.

Psychology suggests that this is because emotional neglect in childhood can disrupt the development of secure attachments, which are crucial for healthy relationships.

When a child’s emotional needs are consistently overlooked, they may learn to suppress their emotions or struggle to understand them. This can carry over into adulthood, making it challenging to form deep and meaningful connections with others.

This is a sign, not a sentence, though. Understanding this can be the first step toward healing and forming healthier relationships.

2) You often feel like you’re not ‘enough’

This is something I’ve grappled with personally and it took me ages to understand why.

A common sign of emotional neglect is a persistent feeling of inadequacy, like you’re just not ‘enough’. This can stem from a lack of validation during your formative years.

Growing up, my achievements were often overlooked. It wasn’t that my parents didn’t care, they were just preoccupied with their own issues. But this meant that I rarely received the validation or praise that I craved, and this left me constantly striving for perfection and approval in adulthood.

It’s only through understanding the root of these feelings that I’ve begun to challenge this idea of never being ‘enough’. And it’s a journey, one that begins with recognizing the signs.

3) You struggle with self-care

Emotional neglect can often lead to a lack of self-care. This isn’t about forgetting to brush your teeth or skip a shower. It’s more about neglecting your emotional needs and overall well-being.

Studies have shown that children who have been emotionally neglected often grow up not knowing how to take care of themselves. They may dismiss their own feelings or needs, simply because they were never taught how important they are.

This can lead to a lack of self-love and even self-destructive behaviors in extreme cases. If you find it hard to prioritise your own well-being, this could be a sign of emotional neglect from your childhood.

4) Overly independent

It may sound counterintuitive, but being excessively independent can be a sign of emotional neglect.

When you grow up with parents who don’t meet your emotional needs, you quickly learn to rely on yourself. Independence is generally a positive trait, but when it’s born out of necessity rather than choice, it can lean into unhealthy territory.

You may find it hard to ask for help even when you need it, or struggle to let others in. While self-reliance can be empowering, everyone needs a support system. Recognizing this can help you find a healthier balance between independence and connection.

5) Fear of rejection

I remember always feeling on edge, always fearing that the people I cared about would just… leave.

A common sign of emotional neglect is a deep-seated fear of rejection or abandonment. This fear can make you hyper-vigilant in your relationships, always on the lookout for signs that someone is pulling away.

This fear can be traced back to those early experiences of emotional neglect. When your emotional needs aren’t met consistently, it breeds a sense of insecurity and fear that others will not be there for you when you need them.

It’s a hard fear to shake off, but recognizing it is the first step towards healing.

6) Difficulty identifying your own feelings

If you struggle to identify what you’re feeling or why, this may be a sign of emotional neglect.

This is known as alexithymia in psychological terms and it’s often a result of not having your emotions validated or attended to as a child. You might find it hard to recognize whether you’re feeling sad, angry, or anxious.

Emotions can feel confusing and overwhelming if you’ve been taught to ignore or suppress them. But remember, understanding your emotions is a skill that can be learned. Recognizing this pattern is the first step in the right direction.

7) You downplay your own feelings

Perhaps the most telling sign of emotional neglect is the tendency to downplay or dismiss your own feelings.

We all have a range of emotions, and they’re all valid. But if you’ve been emotionally neglected, you might have learned to minimize your feelings, to tell yourself that they don’t matter or that you’re overreacting.

Your feelings matter. They’re a key part of who you are. And acknowledging their importance is a crucial step towards healing from emotional neglect.