Throughout my life, I’ve encountered people who seemed great at first, but turned out to be quite the opposite.

You know what I’m talking about:

– The friend who always takes but never gives.

– The coworker who constantly undermines you.

– The partner who belittles you.

For years, I was oblivious to these signs. I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast, and I used to be the guy who always saw the good in people, often glossing over their negative traits.

But with time, I learned that not everyone has our best interests at heart. And it was psychology that clued me into this.

In this article, I’ve decided to share my insights with you. Here are the 7 signs someone in your life is not a good person. 

I hope that they can help you as much as they’ve helped me.

Let’s dive in.

1. They’re constantly playing the victim

One of the key signs that someone in your life may not be a good person, according to psychology, is that they’re always playing the victim.

You know the type: they’re always the one being wronged, always the one who’s suffering. Every story they tell casts them in the role of the innocent victim and someone else as the villain.

But here’s what I learned: life isn’t black and white. If someone is constantly framing themselves as the victim, it’s likely that they’re not taking responsibility for their own actions.

Psychology teaches us that this is a classic manipulative tactic. By painting themselves as the victim, they’re able to shift blame and avoid accountability.

This doesn’t mean you should dismiss someone’s struggles out of hand. But if you notice a pattern of victimhood without any self-reflection or accountability, it might be a sign that something is off.

2. They lack empathy

The second sign, and one that hit close to home for me, is a lack of empathy.

I once had a friend who seemed to have no understanding or concern for other people’s feelings. No matter what hardships others were going through, his response was always indifference or even mockery.

It started to dawn on me that this wasn’t normal behavior when I was going through a tough breakup. Instead of offering support or understanding, he made light of the situation, and even seemed to enjoy my discomfort.

There is an excellent quote from Meryl Streep that says, “The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy.”

This quote sticks with me because it highlights just how important empathy is.

It’s what allows us to connect with others, to understand their feelings, and to show kindness and compassion.

If someone in your life consistently lacks empathy, it’s a major red flag. It indicates a disregard for others’ feelings and a failure to consider perspectives other than their own.

3. They’re dishonest

I had an experience with a colleague at Hack Spirit who was consistently dishonest. At first, it was small things – taking credit for others’ work or bending the truth to make himself look better.

But over time, the lies grew. He’d promise to complete tasks and then deny ever having agreed to them. He’d share confidential information and then feign ignorance when confronted.

The trust between us eroded quickly. I realized that if someone is willing to lie about small things, they’re likely willing to lie about bigger things too.

Dishonesty is a serious character flaw and often indicates a lack of respect for others. It’s impossible to build a healthy relationship, whether personal or professional, without trust.

And trust can’t exist without honesty.

If someone in your life is frequently dishonest, it might be time to reassess the relationship. I learned the hard way that honesty isn’t just a virtue, it’s a necessity in every true friendship or partnership.

4. They’re constantly critical

The fourth sign is a tendency to criticize others excessively. This is a trait I noticed in a family member who could never seem to find anything positive to say about others.

Whether it was about someone’s appearance, choices, or even their successes, they always had something negative to comment.

Initially, I brushed it off, thinking maybe they were just brutally honest. But when it became a recurring pattern, it got under my skin.

Psychologists agree that constant criticism can be a sign of a bigger issue.

Individuals who frequently criticize others are often dissatisfied with themselves. They project their own insecurities onto others as a defense mechanism.

This family member’s constant criticism wasn’t about the people they were criticizing – it was about them. They were projecting their own insecurities and dissatisfaction onto others.

If you notice someone in your life who seems to always find fault in others, remember that their criticism likely says more about them than about the person they’re criticizing.

5. They’re self-centered

I’m sure we all know someone who fits this description: every conversation circles back to them, their achievements, their problems, their life.

This constant self-focus can be a sign of narcissism. Narcissists believe that they’re the center of the universe and that their needs, thoughts, and experiences are more important than anyone else’s.

If you have someone in your life who always puts themselves first and shows little interest or empathy for others, it might be time to reassess the relationship.

True friendship is about mutual respect and understanding, not one-sided conversations and self-centered behavior.

6. They’re unapologetic

I experienced this firsthand with a former business partner. No matter how many times he messed up or caused problems, he never seemed to feel the need to apologize.

Whether it was missing deadlines, not doing his share of work, or even making offensive remarks, he’d always find a way to justify his actions. It was as if he believed he was infallible and incapable of making mistakes.

His refusal to apologize wasn’t just about ego; it was an indicator that he was not acknowledging his mistakes and, therefore, was likely to repeat them.

If you’re dealing with someone who never apologizes or admits they’re wrong, consider it a red flag. It’s a sign of arrogance and a lack of self-awareness – traits that can make for a very challenging relationship.

7. They’re overly nice

The seventh and final sign may seem counterintuitive: the person in question is overly nice. Yes, you read that right. Sometimes, someone who’s always excessively sweet and charming may not be a good person.

I had an acquaintance who was always excessively friendly, to the point where it felt insincere. Over time, I realized that this over-the-top niceness was often used as a cover for less savory behavior, like gossiping or manipulating others.

While it’s great to be around nice people, it’s important to remember that genuine kindness isn’t overbearing or insincere. Authentic kindness doesn’t come with strings attached or feel like a performance.

If someone in your life feels “too good to be true,” trust your instincts. Take a closer look at their behavior. Are they only nice when they want something? Do they turn on the charm to manipulate others? These could be signs of a hidden agenda.

Here’s a practical tip: observe how they treat others, especially those who can’t do anything for them. This can give you a much clearer picture of their true character. Genuine kindness extends to all, not just those who can offer something in return.

Conclusion

Recognizing these seven signs in someone can be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s an important step towards surrounding yourself with positive, genuine people. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

The key takeaway here is awareness. Listen to your gut feelings and don’t dismiss red flags. And most importantly, remember that it’s okay to distance yourself from individuals who consistently exhibit these traits. It’s not selfish, but a crucial act of self-care.

As a final piece of advice, try to be the person you want to see in others. Kindness, empathy, honesty – let these virtues guide your interactions. After all, we attract the energy we give off. Strive to radiate positivity and genuine kindness, and you’re more likely to attract the same.