Manipulation is a dark art, with the manipulator pulling strings without revealing their true intentions.

Think of a puppeteer making puppets dance to their tunes, all while staying hidden behind the curtain. Manipulation is similar, but the stakes are much higher – it’s about emotional control over another person.

Manipulators have their bag of tricks; mind games they play to make you feel in a certain way, to react in a way that suits their purpose.

This article will illuminate seven such mind games that manipulators employ to gain emotional control. By understanding these games, you can arm yourself against such tactics and maintain your emotional autonomy.

1) Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative technique that’s as sinister as it sounds. Coined from the 1944 film “Gaslight”, it involves the manipulator making the victim question their reality.

Imagine you’re in a situation where facts, memories, and events are twisted or denied by someone to make you doubt your perceptions. Sounds scary, right? That’s Gaslighting for you.

Manipulators use gaslighting to gain emotional control over their victims. They use this technique so subtly and frequently that it leaves the victim disoriented, confused, and second-guessing themselves.

Remember, the purpose of gaslighting isn’t just to win an argument; it’s to make you question your sanity and reality. So the next time you feel like your reality is being turned upside down, trust your instincts. You might just be a victim of gaslighting.

2) Playing the victim card

The ‘victim card’ is a classic move in the manipulator’s playbook.

I vividly remember an old friend who was an expert at this. Every time there was a disagreement or argument, she would flip the situation around and portray herself as the unfortunate party, the one who was always wronged.

Even if she was the one who started the disagreement, she’d somehow twist the narrative making it appear like she was being targeted or attacked. She would use her tears as a weapon to divert attention from the actual issue at hand, making me feel guilty and apologetic for something I hadn’t done.

This is a common manipulative tactic. By playing the victim, manipulators make you feel guilty and use your empathy to gain emotional control over you. It’s essential to recognize this game when it’s being played and not allow your emotions to be manipulated in such a way.

3) Love bombing

Love bombing is a manipulative technique where an individual is showered with excessive affection, attention, gifts, and praise, only to have them abruptly withdrawn later.

This sudden shift in behavior is used as a control mechanism. Initially, the overwhelming positivity makes the recipient feel special and loved. This sets up a dependency on the manipulator for emotional validation.

Then, when the affection is suddenly withdrawn, it creates a sense of loss and confusion. The person being manipulated starts craving that lost affection and validation, making them more susceptible to the manipulator’s control.

What’s fascinating is that love bombing was initially a term used in the 1970s by the Unification Church of the United States, often referred to as the ‘Moonies’. They used this technique to recruit new members and control their existing followers. Today, it’s recognized as a common manipulation tactic in personal relationships as well.

4) Guilt tripping

We’ve all experienced guilt trips at some point in our lives. It’s a tactic manipulators use to control others by making them feel guilty about something.

Here’s how it works: The manipulator brings up something you’ve done (or haven’t done), makes it seem like a grave mistake or negligence on your part, and then uses your resulting guilt to manipulate your actions and decisions.

Guilt tripping can range from subtle hints to overt accusations, but the end goal is the same: to make you feel so bad about something that you willingly do what the manipulator wants.

5) Silent treatment

Silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation that I’ve personally experienced. It’s when someone deliberately ignores or avoids you to punish, control, or express their displeasure.

A few years back, I had a colleague who would resort to this tactic whenever there was a disagreement. Instead of confronting the issue, they would go completely silent, refusing to communicate or acknowledge my presence.

This type of behavior is designed to make you feel anxious, guilty, or unworthy. The silent treatment creates an imbalance of power, pushing you to seek approval and restore communication, often at the cost of your self-esteem and peace of mind.

It’s essential to understand that communication is the backbone of any relationship. The absence of it should never be used as a weapon.

6) Negative reinforcement

Negative reinforcement is a psychological concept where certain behaviors are encouraged through the removal of a negative condition. In the context of manipulation, it’s when the manipulator uses criticism, disapproval, or the threat of negative consequences to control your behavior.

For example, a manipulator might constantly criticize your work until you start doing things their way, just to avoid the criticism. Or they might threaten to end a relationship unless you start behaving the way they want.

It’s a toxic control tactic that often goes unnoticed because it subtly influences our behavior over time. Being aware of this can help you recognize if you’re being manipulated and take steps to regain control over your own actions and decisions.

7) Diverting and deflecting

Diverting and deflecting is a manipulative technique where the manipulator changes the course of a conversation to avoid accountability, often by shifting the blame onto someone else.

The most crucial thing to understand about this tactic is that it’s designed to distract you from the manipulator’s actions and behavior. It keeps you on the defensive, so you’re too busy justifying yourself to question them.

Don’t let a manipulator shift the focus from their actions to yours. Hold them accountable and don’t let them steer the conversation away from the topic at hand. Remember, everyone is responsible for their own actions.