Standing up to a narcissist is a daunting task, and it’s important to know what to expect when you finally do.

You see, a narcissist has a way of manipulating situations to their advantage. But when you start sticking up for yourself, their reactions can be surprising, and not always pleasant.

Knowing how a narcissist will react can help you prepare for the fallout. So, I’ve compiled a list of 10 things a narcissist will do when you finally assert yourself.

It’s not a pretty picture, but understanding these behaviors can give you the upper hand. Here’s what you need to watch out for.

1) They will play the victim

Narcissists have an incredible knack for turning any situation into a story where they are the poor, misunderstood victims.

When you finally start standing up for yourself, don’t be surprised if the narcissist in your life tries to twist the narrative. They’ll make it seem like you’re the one causing trouble, not them.

It’s a classic move. By playing the victim, they shift the focus away from their own manipulative behavior and onto your reaction. Suddenly, you’re the one being unreasonable, not them.

But remember, this is just a diversion tactic. It’s their way of avoiding responsibility for their actions and maintaining control over the situation.

Don’t let them fool you. Standing up for yourself is not an act of aggression – it’s an act of self-respect.

2) They’ll launch a personal attack

Oh boy, this one I know from personal experience.

I once found the courage to stand up to a narcissistic friend who constantly belittled me. Instead of addressing the issue at hand, they immediately went on the offensive.

They brought up every mistake I’d ever made, every weakness I had, in an attempt to discredit me. It was as though they had a mental catalogue of all my failures, ready to be used against me at a moment’s notice.

It hurt, I won’t lie. But I quickly realized that this was just another tactic to regain control. By attacking my character, they were trying to shift the focus away from their behavior and put me on the defensive.

But I held my ground. I knew my worth wasn’t defined by their words or by my past mistakes. And that’s something we all need to remember when dealing with a narcissist.

3) They may resort to gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in an individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. It’s a common tool in the narcissist’s arsenal.

When you stand up for yourself, a narcissist may try to convince you that your recollection of events is incorrect, that you’re being overly sensitive, or that you’re outright making things up.

This manipulation technique is named after the 1944 film “Gaslight,” where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.

It’s an insidious tactic that can make you question your own reality. Stay grounded in your experiences and trust your instincts. You’re not the one who’s losing touch with reality, they are.

4) They’ll give you the silent treatment

Communication is key in any relationship, but a narcissist often uses it as a weapon.

When you start asserting yourself, they might react by giving you the silent treatment. This is their way of punishing you for not playing by their rules.

It’s a form of emotional manipulation designed to make you feel guilty, anxious, and powerless. They’re hoping that you’ll become so uncomfortable that you’ll apologize and go back to letting them have their way.

But silence can also be a form of self-protection. Use this time to gather your thoughts, reinforce your boundaries, and remind yourself that you’re not at fault here. You have every right to stand up for yourself.

5) They’ll threaten to leave

When a narcissist feels their control slipping, they may resort to ultimatums or threats to leave.

This is yet another manipulative tactic designed to make you feel insecure and afraid. The thought of them leaving might scare you, especially if they’ve made you reliant on them in some way.

But remember, this is just another power play. It’s their way of saying, “If you don’t let me have my way, I’ll take away something you care about.”

Stick to your guns. If they choose to leave because you’ve decided to respect yourself, then that’s a decision they’re making, not you. You can’t be responsible for someone else’s actions, only your own.

6) They’ll make you feel guilty

The guilt card – it’s a hard one to ignore.

When you finally start standing up for yourself, a narcissist will often try to make you feel guilty for doing so. They’ll tell you that you’re being selfish, ungrateful, or even cruel.

But remember this: caring for your own wellbeing is not selfish. It’s necessary. You have every right to voice your feelings and set boundaries in your relationships.

It’s heartbreaking to feel like you’re causing someone pain, especially when it’s someone you care about. But sometimes, people use guilt to keep us under control.

Don’t let the guilt-tripping get to you. You’re not doing anything wrong – you’re simply standing up for yourself, and that’s something to be proud of.

7) They’ll belittle your feelings

This one hits close to home for me – having my emotions dismissed as if they were insignificant.

When I first started asserting myself, the narcissist in my life would belittle my feelings. They’d roll their eyes, laugh it off, or tell me I was overreacting.

I remember feeling so small, like my emotions didn’t matter. It took a while for me to realize that this was just another way for them to maintain control.

Your feelings are valid. No one has the right to belittle or dismiss them. We all experience emotions differently and what might seem trivial to one person can be deeply significant to another.

Stay true to yourself and trust your feelings. They’re a part of who you are and they deserve to be heard.

8) They’ll try to charm you

This one might seem surprising, but it’s a common tactic. When you stand up to a narcissist, they might switch up their game and turn on the charm.

Suddenly, they’re complimenting you, being overly sweet, or promising to change. It can be confusing and even tempting to believe the good times are finally here to stay.

But be wary. These promises are often empty and the charm offensive is usually short-lived. It’s just another way for them to regain control over the situation.

Remember, real change isn’t something that happens overnight. It requires a consistent change in behavior over time. Don’t fall for the charm trap. Stick to your boundaries and watch for genuine, long-term changes.

9) They’ll invalidate your concerns

When you start sticking up for yourself, a narcissist may try to invalidate your concerns.

They might tell you that you’re blowing things out of proportion or that you’re simply misunderstanding their actions. They might even go so far as to accuse you of trying to create problems where there are none.

This is just another attempt to undermine your feelings and make you question your own judgement.

But remember, your concerns are valid. If something feels wrong, it’s okay to speak up about it. You don’t need anyone’s permission to feel the way you do. Trust yourself and hold onto your truth.

10) They’ll question your sanity

This is perhaps the most damaging thing a narcissist will do when you start standing up for yourself – they’ll make you question your own sanity.

They’ll imply, or even outright state, that you’re overreacting, being irrational, or even losing your mind. This is a form of gaslighting and it’s incredibly harmful.

But know this: You’re not crazy. You’re reacting to a very real and very difficult situation. Trust in your own judgement and don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re losing touch with reality. You know what’s best for you, and standing up for yourself is a brave and necessary step towards a healthier life.