Finding “the one” can often feel like looking for a needle in a haystack. But did you know there are telltale signs that you’ve found your perfect match, according to psychology?

I’m Tina Fey. As the founder of Love Connection and a relationship expert, I’ve spent my fair share of time helping people navigate the often confusing world of love.

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that there are certain indicators that point towards your ideal partner.

Let’s go through what they are. 

1) Comfort in vulnerability

Speaking as an experienced relationship expert, I’ve found that vulnerability is a major signal of a solid relationship.

Vulnerability is often seen as a sign of weakness, but it’s actually a strength. According to psychologists, vulnerability is at the heart of true intimacy. It’s about revealing who we truly are, warts and all.

Finding “the one” isn’t about finding someone who thinks you’re perfect. It’s about finding someone who sees your imperfections and loves you anyway.

When you’re with “the one”, you should feel safe enough to open up and show your true self. You share your dreams, your fears, even your embarrassing moments.

You’ve found the one if you can be vulnerable with them and they can be vulnerable with you.

It’s powerful, it’s beautiful, and it’s a sure sign that you might have found “the one”.

Honesty and vulnerability are two-way streets. They should feel comfortable being vulnerable with you too.

2) Shared values

As the wise Oprah Winfrey once said, “A true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.”

In my journey through love, I’ve found this to be remarkably true.

Having shared values isn’t about having the same hobbies or liking the same movies. It’s about sharing a similar perspective on what matters most in life. It’s about having a common understanding of what love means and how it should be expressed.

Ask yourself: do you and your partner share the same core values? Do you both prioritize kindness, honesty, and respect? Do you both believe in the importance of family, friendships, and personal growth?

These shared values are like glue that holds a relationship together. When the going gets tough, they’re what keep love strong.

Take a moment to reflect on your values and those of your partner. If they align seamlessly, you might have found “the one”.

3) They inspire you to be better

One of the most telling signs you’ve found “the one” is when your partner inspires you to become a better version of yourself. Not in a way that feels forced or controlling, but in a way that is natural and uplifting.

In my book, How to Get Your Ex Back: A Step by Step Guide to Winning Them Back (For Good), I discuss how important it is to have a partner that positively influences your growth and development.

When I met my husband, I found myself wanting to be a more understanding, patient, and loving person. It wasn’t him pushing me to change; it was my love for him that motivated me.

Finding “the one” isn’t just about being loved. It’s about being with someone who makes you want to grow, evolve, and better yourself. If your partner inspires you in this way, then there’s a good chance you’ve found “the one”.

4) You argue — but in a healthy way

Now, this may sound counterintuitive, but hear me out.

Arguments are a normal part of any relationship. Yes, even with “the one”. In fact, it’s important to argue now and then. It shows that you’re both invested enough to care about the other’s thoughts and feelings.

The key here is how you argue. Healthy arguing is about addressing issues respectfully and constructively, and not resorting to insults or low blows. It’s about listening as much as speaking, and being willing to compromise.

In my years of counseling couples, I’ve noticed that those who can argue productively often have stronger relationships. They’re able to resolve issues without damaging the relationship, which brings them closer in the end.

If you and your partner can have disagreements without tearing each other down, it’s a good sign you’ve found “the one”. Remember, it’s not about never arguing—it’s about arguing well.

5) You feel at home with them

When you’ve found “the one”, there’s a certain comfort and ease that comes with being around them. It’s a feeling I know all too well.

I remember the first time I realized my husband was “the one”. We were just sitting on the couch, talking about everything and nothing at all. And in that moment, I felt more at home than I had ever felt in my life.

Being with “the one” feels like coming home. It’s a sense of peace and contentment that you don’t find just anywhere. It’s knowing that no matter what happens, you have someone who understands you and accepts you for who you are.

If being with your partner feels like home, then chances are, you’ve found “the one”.

6) You’re not afraid to lose them

One of the most honest signs you’ve found “the one” is when you’re not constantly afraid of losing them.

In the early stages of love, it’s common to feel a sense of insecurity. But when you’ve found “the one”, that fear begins to fade. You trust in your partner’s love for you, and you don’t constantly worry that they’ll leave at the slightest provocation.

That’s not to say you take them for granted—far from it. Instead, you cherish the relationship you have, but without the constant anxiety that it could end at any moment.

This level of security comes from deep trust and intimacy, a sign of a truly strong bond. If you can look at your partner and feel secure in their love for you, chances are, you’ve found “the one”.

7) They’re your biggest cheerleader

As Audrey Hepburn once said, “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” This quote resonates with me deeply, especially in the context of finding “the one”.

Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader – someone who supports your dreams and celebrates your achievements. They should lift you up, not bring you down.

I’ve been lucky enough to have a partner who cheers for me at every step of my journey. He’s the first to congratulate me on my successes and the one who encourages me when I face setbacks.

Having “the one” by your side means having someone who believes in you, even when you don’t believe in yourself. If your partner is always there to cheer you on, then you’ve most likely found “the one”.

8) You’re not trying to change them

This one’s a tough pill to swallow for some, but it’s a raw truth. When you’ve found “the one”, you’re not constantly trying to change them.

No one is perfect. We all have our quirks and flaws. But when you’re with “the one”, you accept them as they are, imperfections and all.

You don’t view your partner as a project or someone to fix. Instead, you love them for who they are right now, not for who they could be in the future.

If you find yourself accepting your partner, including their quirks and flaws, then it’s a good sign you’ve found “the one”. True love isn’t about changing your partner; it’s about loving them unconditionally.

9) You make decisions together

When it comes to practical signs you’ve found “the one”, decision-making is a big one.

In a balanced relationship, both partners should have an equal say in decisions that affect them both. This can be anything from deciding on dinner plans to making major life decisions.

Making decisions together is a sign of respect and equality in a relationship. It means you value your partner’s opinions and consider their feelings and needs.

If you and your partner are able to make decisions together, it’s a good sign that you’ve found “the one”. Simple as that.

10) You can imagine a future with them

One of the biggest indicators that you’ve found “the one” is when you can easily imagine a future with them. It’s something I experienced firsthand.

From the early days of our relationship, I could see a future with my husband. Not just the rosy parts, but also the mundane everyday stuff. The thought of growing old together felt natural and right.

If you can envision a future with your partner—be it going on adventures, buying a house, or simply growing old together—it’s a strong sign that you’ve found “the one”. It shows that your relationship has the potential to last for the long haul.

Conclusion

Finding “the one” isn’t about perfection. It’s about finding someone who complements you, understands you, and loves you unconditionally. Each relationship is unique and these signs may appear in different ways.

If you’d like to dive deeper into the world of love and relationships, I invite you to check out my book, How to Get Your Ex Back: A Step by Step Guide to Winning Them Back (For Good). It’s filled with practical advice, insightful wisdom, and a whole lot of love.

Remember, love is a journey. Enjoy every step of the way.