10 signs someone is actually a really selfish person (even if they don’t realize it)

We often miss the signs when someone is truly selfish. They might not even realize it themselves.
Selfishness isn’t always obvious. It’s not just about refusing to share or always putting their needs first. It’s often subtler, hidden behind a mask of charm or kindness.
Identifying a selfish person can be tricky, but there are certain telltale signs to look out for.
Let’s delve into 10 signs that someone is actually a really selfish person, even if they don’t realize it themselves. Keep reading and you might just uncover some surprising truths.
1) They rarely show genuine interest in your life
We all have that friend who can talk about themselves for hours on end, but the moment the conversation turns to you, they seem bored or distracted.
This is a classic sign of selfishness. Selfish people are often so wrapped up in their own world that they don’t take the time to show interest in others.
The conversation is always about them, their achievements, and their problems. You might find yourself nodding along, listening to their tales, but when it’s your turn to share, they’re nowhere to be found.
Don’t be fooled by the occasional ‘how are you?’ either. If their interest wanes the moment you start talking about yourself, it’s a clear sign that they’re more concerned with their own life than yours.
A balanced relationship involves give and take. If you’re always the listener and they’re always the talker, it’s a sign that something isn’t right.
2) They’re never the first to apologize
In my own life, I’ve found that a surefire sign of a selfish person is their inability to say sorry first.
I had a friend who was always right – or at least, she thought she was. We’d have disagreements and misunderstandings, as all friends do, but she would never be the one to apologize. Instead, she’d wait for me to make the first move, even if she was clearly in the wrong.
This kind of behavior shows a lack of empathy and an inability to accept personal responsibility, both traits typical of a selfish person.
A sincere apology shows that you value the relationship more than your ego. But for someone who’s selfish, their pride often comes before everything else. If you know someone who’s always waiting for you to say sorry first, it might be time to reconsider the balance in your relationship.
3) They take more than they give
In any relationship, there’s usually a balance between giving and taking. However, with selfish people, this scale tends to tip more heavily on the taking side.
Consider this: A study by the University of Notre Dame showed that individuals who often put their own needs before others are more likely to experience feelings of stress and dissatisfaction.
This selfishness isn’t just detrimental to their relationships; it affects their overall wellbeing too. So if you notice someone consistently taking more than they give, whether it’s in terms of time, resources, or emotional investment, it might be a sign of their selfish nature.
A healthy relationship is all about balance, mutual respect and understanding. If you find that you’re constantly giving and getting nothing in return, you might be dealing with a selfish person.
4) They always want to be the center of attention
Have you ever met someone who always has to be the life of the party? Someone who needs to have all eyes on them, all the time? This is another common trait of a selfish person.
Selfish people often have a deep-seated need for attention and validation. They want to be the star of every show, and they’re not afraid to overshadow others to get there.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the spotlight. But when it becomes a need, when someone constantly craves attention at the expense of others, it reveals a self-centeredness that is hard to ignore.
If you know someone who always has to be the center of attention, who constantly talks over others or tries to steal the show, they might be more selfish than they realize.
5) They rarely compromise
Compromise is crucial in any relationship, whether it’s between friends, family, or partners. But for a selfish person, compromise can be a foreign concept.
Selfish individuals tend to prioritize their own wants and needs above anyone else’s. They have a hard time seeing things from another person’s perspective and often insist on getting their own way.
You might find that they’re stubborn, that they dig their heels in when they don’t get what they want. They may even throw tantrums or resort to manipulation to steer things in their favor.
If you find that someone consistently refuses to compromise or makes every decision about them, it’s a clear sign of selfishness. Relationships should be about balance and mutual respect, and if these are lacking, it might be time to reassess.
6) They lack empathy for others
One of the most painful and telling signs of a selfish person is their apparent lack of empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It’s what allows us to connect on a deeper level, to feel for others and offer comfort during hard times.
But for a selfish person, this trait is often missing. They struggle to truly relate to the emotions and experiences of others, especially if they don’t directly concern them.
This lack of empathy can make you feel alone, even when you’re with them. It can make you question if your feelings matter at all. If you find yourself in a relationship where your emotions are constantly sidelined, where you’re made to feel like you’re overreacting or your feelings are invalid, it’s time to take a step back.
Remember, empathy is the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship. Without it, connection becomes impossible and selfishness can reign supreme.
7) They’re quick to blame others
I once knew someone who was never at fault, at least in their own eyes. Whenever something went wrong, they were quick to point fingers, never once pausing to consider if they had played a role in the situation.
This lack of accountability is a classic sign of a selfish person. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they divert the blame to others. It’s always someone else’s fault, never theirs.
This behavior can be incredibly damaging, as it not only absolves them of any responsibility but also places an unfair burden on those around them. If you find yourself constantly being blamed for things that are beyond your control, or if you notice someone in your life who never seems to admit their mistakes, it’s a clear sign of selfishness.
8) They’re often overly generous
This may seem surprising, but excessive generosity can sometimes be a sign of selfishness.
Selfish people can use generous acts as a way to control others or to keep them indebted. They might shower you with gifts or favors, not out of genuine kindness, but with the expectation that you’ll return the favor.
It’s not about giving for the sake of giving, but about maintaining a power dynamic where they’re always on top. This type of generosity often comes with strings attached and can leave you feeling obligated and uncomfortable.
If you notice someone being overly generous, especially if they make a big show of it or expect something in return, it could be a sign of hidden selfishness.
9) They don’t respect your boundaries
A selfish person might have a hard time understanding or respecting your boundaries. They might push you to do things you’re uncomfortable with or disregard your feelings and needs.
This could be as simple as pressuring you into late-night outings when they know you have an early morning, or as significant as dismissing your emotional needs.
A disregard for your boundaries shows a lack of respect for you and your wellbeing. If someone in your life consistently oversteps or ignores your boundaries, it’s a strong indication of their selfish tendencies.
Respecting boundaries is a fundamental part of any healthy relationship. If that respect is missing, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
10) They always put their needs first
Ultimately, the most telling sign of a selfish person is that they always put their needs first, regardless of the situation or who it might impact.
Whether it’s choosing the restaurant every time you go out, deciding on the movie you watch together, or making major decisions without considering your input, a selfish person will consistently prioritize their wants above yours.
This isn’t about occasionally taking care of oneself – we all need to do that. It’s about a consistent pattern of self-centered behavior that disregards the feelings and needs of others.
If someone in your life always puts their needs first without considering how it might affect you, it’s a clear sign of selfishness.
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