It’s a fine line between being shy and lacking confidence, especially when it comes to interacting with women.

Recognizing a lack of confidence in men isn’t always straightforward. It isn’t about the loudness of his voice or his ability to make small talk. Instead, it’s subtle signs that reveal his true self-esteem levels.

That’s why I’ve put together a list of ten signs that indicate a man lacks confidence around women. This isn’t about judging or mocking. Instead, it’s about understanding and helping those who might struggle with self-assurance.

Let’s dive in and explore these ten signs together. 

1) Overcompensation

Sometimes, the loudest guy in the room is actually the most insecure.

This might seem counterintuitive, but overcompensation is a classic sign of a lack of confidence. It’s as if they’re trying to cover their insecurities by being overly loud, brash, or assertive.

Such behavior around women often indicates that a man is not comfortable with himself and feels the need to mask his true personality. It’s like he’s putting on a performance to make himself appear more confident than he actually is.

But here’s the thing: real confidence is quiet. It doesn’t need to shout or show off because it’s self-assured and comfortable in its own skin.

2) Avoiding eye contact

I can distinctly remember a time when I was less confident around women. One of the most telling signs was my inability to maintain eye contact.

Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It shows you’re engaged, interested, and confident. However, when a man lacks confidence around women, he often avoids eye contact. It’s almost as if he’s afraid of being seen or judged.

I remember feeling that way and constantly looking away or down during conversations with women. It was a clear sign that I wasn’t comfortable or confident in those situations.

Over time, as I became more comfortable with myself and gained confidence, it became easier to maintain eye contact. But it took work and awareness of this issue to get there.

3) Negative self-talk

Self-talk is a powerful tool that can either build us up or tear us down. It’s our inner dialogue and it greatly influences how we perceive ourselves.

When a man lacks confidence around women, his self-talk often leans towards the negative. He might constantly belittle himself, doubt his abilities, or even convince himself that he’s not good enough.

Interestingly, research has shown that our brains are more likely to believe something negative than something positive. This is known as the negativity bias, and it’s a survival mechanism that evolved to keep us safe from danger.

But in modern times, this negativity bias can be harmful and lead to a lack of confidence. If a man consistently speaks negatively about himself, especially around women, it’s likely a sign that he’s struggling with self-esteem.

4) Over-apologizing

Apologies are important in life. They show empathy, responsibility, and respect. However, there’s a difference between genuine apologies and constant, unnecessary ones.

When a man lacks confidence around women, he might find himself saying “sorry” far too often. Even for things that aren’t his fault or require an apology. It’s as if he’s perpetually walking on eggshells, afraid of making a mistake or causing offense.

This excessive apologizing can also stem from a fear of confrontation or a desire to avoid any kind of conflict. But it often does more harm than good.

After all, continuously saying sorry for no reason can make one appear insecure and unsure of himself.

5) Fear of rejection

Rejection is a part of life. We all face it at some point, and learning to handle it gracefully is a crucial aspect of personal growth.

However, a man who lacks confidence around women often has an intense fear of rejection. The mere thought of hearing a “no” can be paralyzing for him. It might stop him from asking someone out, expressing his feelings, or even initiating a conversation.

This fear often stems from a sense of inadequacy or a belief that he’s not good enough. The potential for rejection validates these negative beliefs and amplifies his insecurities.

Facing rejection isn’t easy, but it’s an inevitable part of life and relationships. If you notice a man excessively avoiding situations where he might hear a “no”, it could be a sign that he lacks confidence around women.

6) Needs constant validation

We all crave validation at times. It’s comforting to know that we’re doing well, that we’re appreciated, and that our efforts are recognized. But there’s a big difference between occasional reassurance and an unending need for approval.

A man who lacks confidence around women often seeks constant validation. He needs to hear repeatedly that he’s good enough, attractive enough, smart enough. It’s as though he’s looking for an external source to fill an internal void.

This incessant need for affirmation can be exhausting for those around him and can push people away. But more importantly, it reveals his struggle with self-esteem and self-worth.

It is a heartfelt plea for reassurance, stemming from a deep-seated fear of not being ‘enough’. 

7) Difficulty accepting compliments

Once, someone complimented me on a presentation I gave. Instead of graciously accepting it, I downplayed my efforts and shrugged it off as ‘nothing special’. I didn’t realize then that my inability to accept compliments was a sign of my lack of confidence.

When a man struggles with confidence around women, he often finds it difficult to accept compliments. He might brush it off, change the subject quickly, or even respond with self-deprecating humor. It’s as if he doesn’t believe he deserves the praise or is uncomfortable acknowledging his positive attributes.

Accepting compliments graciously is a sign of healthy self-esteem. It means you recognize your worth and are comfortable with your achievements.

8) Overly agreeable

Agreeability is generally a positive trait. It suggests that you’re cooperative, easy to get along with, and open to other people’s ideas. But when taken to the extreme, it might indicate a lack of confidence.

Men who lack confidence around women often become overly agreeable. They might say ‘yes’ to everything, avoid expressing their own opinions, or even suppress their own needs and desires. It’s as if they’re afraid of disagreement or conflict, thinking that their authenticity might lead to rejection.

While being agreeable can make one seem easy-going, being overly agreeable can suggest lack of self-assurance.

9) Overthinking and second-guessing

We all overthink things from time to time. But when it becomes a constant pattern, especially in social interactions with women, it could be a sign of a lack of confidence.

Men who second-guess themselves around women often overanalyze every interaction. They might replay conversations in their head, worry excessively about their actions, or live in fear of saying the wrong thing.

This constant overthinking and second-guessing is mentally exhausting and can take a toll on one’s self-esteem. It’s like being trapped in a cycle of doubt and uncertainty, which only serves to undermine confidence further.

10) Hiding true self

At the heart of all these signs, there’s one central theme: a man lacking confidence around women often hides his true self. He might put on a facade, pretend to be someone he’s not, or suppress his authentic feelings and thoughts.

Authenticity requires confidence. It means being comfortable in your own skin and being unafraid to show your true self, flaws and all. And it’s this authenticity that builds real, meaningful connections with others.

Because at the end of the day, confidence isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being real.