10 phrases manipulative people use to control their partner in a relationship

Tina Fey by Tina Fey | September 26, 2024, 10:12 am

Ever found yourself in a conversation where you felt subtly dominated or controlled?

Chances are, you’ve encountered a manipulative individual.

Their words may seem confusing or even charming at first, but underneath lies a darker intent.

Manipulators have a knack for using language to their advantage, subtly bending others to their will.

Let’s delve into these subtle linguistic tactics and highlight 10 phrases often used by manipulative people in relationships.

These might seem innocent on the surface, but they’re often employed with the aim of control.

This might feel uncomfortable, but it’s time we illuminate these cunning tricks for what they truly are.

1. “You’re too sensitive”

Ever heard this phrase from a partner during a disagreement? It might seem like a harmless comment, but it can be a subtle form of manipulation.

When manipulators use this phrase, they’re often trying to invalidate your feelings or experiences. By labeling you as “too sensitive,” they are discrediting your reaction and belittling your emotions.

This technique is called gaslighting, a psychological tactic aimed at making you question your own perception of reality.

The objective is to create doubt in your mind, making you less likely to trust your own feelings and more inclined to rely on them for guidance.

So, if your partner frequently tells you that you’re “too sensitive”, don’t dismiss it as an offhand comment.

It could be a sign of manipulation – an attempt to control how you perceive and react to situations.

It’s not about being overly sensitive; it’s about recognizing when your emotions are being manipulated for someone else’s benefit.

2. “I was just joking”

Sometimes even I can’t escape the subtle traps of manipulation, and an incident that comes to mind involved the phrase “I was just joking.”

There was this one time when my partner made a hurtful comment about my appearance. When I expressed how it made me feel, they quickly brushed it off, claiming they were “just joking.”

It’s a classic manipulation tactic where the manipulator says or does something offensive, then passes it off as a joke. The intention is to make you feel like you’re overreacting if you get upset.

This phrase, under the guise of humor, is actually a subtle way of undermining your feelings and making you question your own reaction. It’s a manipulative technique that can make you feel guilty for being hurt by their “joke.”

When someone hurts you and tries to cover it up with “I was just joking,” remember my story and know that it’s not your sense of humor that’s faulty, but their attempt to control the narrative.

3. “If you really loved me, you would…”

This phrase is a classic in the manipulator’s handbook and it’s one that’s loaded with guilt and obligation.

Manipulative people often use this phrase to control their partners by making them feel guilty for not meeting their expectations or demands. The underlying message is that if you don’t comply, you don’t truly love them.

This is a way of coercing you into doing something that you might not be comfortable with or agree with. It uses your love and care for them as a tool to manipulate your actions and decisions.

True love should never be conditional or used as leverage. If someone is using your feelings for them to control your actions, it’s a clear sign of manipulation.

In a healthy relationship, love is about respect and understanding, not about fulfilling unreasonable expectations.

4. “No one else will ever love you like I do”

This phrase is a potent weapon in the arsenal of manipulative people. It’s designed to instill fear and self-doubt, making you feel as though you’re lucky to have their love and unlikely to find it elsewhere.

But here’s the reality: According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, there are approximately 840 people in the world who could be potential life partners for each individual. That’s quite a number!

By saying “no one else will ever love you like I do,” manipulators are trying to make you feel undeserving of love and affection, thereby making you more dependent on them. It’s a clear attempt at controlling your self-esteem and perception of your worth.

No one should make you feel as if their love is your only option. You deserve respect, kindness, and genuine love – not manipulation disguised as affection.

5. “You’re always overreacting”

It’s heartbreaking when someone you care about tells you that you’re overreacting, especially when it’s about something that genuinely bothers or hurts you.

The phrase “You’re always overreacting” is a manipulator’s way of dismissing your feelings and controlling your reactions. By telling you that your reactions are excessive or irrational, they’re making you feel like your feelings aren’t valid.

This is a form of emotional manipulation, designed to make you second-guess your feelings and reactions, leaving you unsure of your own perceptions and more reliant on their judgment.

Everyone has the right to their feelings. Your emotions are valid and should be respected. If someone consistently tells you that you’re overreacting, it’s not a reflection of your emotional stability — it’s a red flag for manipulation.

6. “You’re imagining things”

This phrase is another classic tactic used by manipulators, often with the intention of making you doubt your own reality.

When a manipulator tells you that you’re imagining things, they’re trying to dismiss your concerns or feelings and make you question your own perception. This is a form of gaslighting – a psychological manipulation technique aimed at making you question your own sanity.

The purpose of this tactic is to destabilize your confidence in your own understanding, making you more dependent on their version of reality.

Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s important to address it. Don’t let anyone make you doubt your own reality or experiences. Your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard.

7. “You owe me”

Manipulators often use this phrase to create a sense of obligation or guilt in their partners. They might remind you of something they’ve done for you in the past to pressure you into doing what they want.

This could be anything from a favor they’ve done, a gift they’ve given, or even emotional support they’ve provided during tough times. The aim is to make you feel indebted to them, which they can then use to control your actions and decisions.

A relationship is not about keeping score. Love and kindness should be given freely, not used as a currency for manipulation. If someone is constantly reminding you of what you “owe” them, it’s a clear sign of manipulation.

8. “Everyone agrees with me”

This phrase is often used by manipulators to isolate you and make you feel like your opinion or feelings are invalid. By claiming that everyone else is on their side, they’re trying to make you doubt your own perspective.

In psychology, this tactic is known as “bandwagoning” or the “bandwagon effect”, a phenomenon where people do, believe, or say things because many other people do. It’s a form of groupthink, and manipulators use it to their advantage to pressurize you into agreeing with them.

Even if the whole world agrees with them, it doesn’t mean they’re right. Your views and feelings are valid and should be heard. Don’t let anyone use the majority to silence your voice.

9. “You don’t understand me like they do”

I remember when a former partner used to say this to me, comparing my understanding of them to that of their friends or family. It felt like a punch in the gut every time, making me feel inadequate and undeserving.

This phrase is often used by manipulators to belittle you and to make you feel like you’re not good enough. By comparing your understanding or treatment of them to others, they’re creating a sense of competition, making you work harder to please them.

It’s a hurtful and destructive tactic that can severely undermine your self-worth and confidence. Let’s be clear: You should never feel like you have to compete for someone’s love or understanding.

10. “You can’t live without me”

This is perhaps one of the most harmful phrases a manipulator can use. It’s designed to instill fear and dependence, making you believe that you won’t be able to cope or be happy without them.

But here’s the most important thing: No one is indispensable. The strength to live, prosper, and find happiness lies within you, not in someone else. No one should make you feel so dependent on them that you believe your life would crumble without their presence.

Remember this, always: You are enough. You are capable. And most importantly, you deserve respect and genuine love in all your relationships.

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *