Do you ever feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner? Like they’re a complex puzzle, always withdrawing when you try to get close?

You’re not alone.

The truth is, your partner might be an anxious-avoidant type. This is a unique attachment style that can make relationships challenging, but understanding it is the first step to navigating it successfully.

If you’ve found yourself wondering, “What’s going on with my partner?” then this article might just hold the key. We’re diving into the 10 early signs that you’re in a relationship with an anxious-avoidant person.

Not to worry, though. It’s not all doom and gloom.

Knowledge is power, and recognizing these signs could be your first step towards a healthier, more understanding relationship. So let’s dig in and unravel the mystery together.

1. They’re hot and cold in their affection

One day they can’t get enough of you. The next, they’re distant and unresponsive. This rollercoaster of closeness and distance can be baffling.

Anxious-avoidant individuals typically have a deep-seated fear of intimacy, despite craving it. They want to be close, yet they fear the emotional vulnerability that comes with it.

It’s not about you. It’s about their internal struggle with intimacy.

So, if your partner is blowing hot and cold, remember: it’s not a reflection of your worth or your relationship. It’s an early sign that your partner might be an anxious-avoidant type.

Understanding this can empower you to approach the situation with empathy and patience, rather than frustration or self-doubt.

2. They struggle with expressing their emotions

Picture this. You’re sitting in a cozy café, sharing a conversation about the highs and lows of your day. But when you turn to your partner and ask, “How was your day?”, you’re met with a vague “Fine” or “It was okay.”

If this scenario sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

I remember spending countless hours trying to encourage a past partner to open up about their emotions. It felt like trying to crack open a vault. Their difficulty in expressing feelings wasn’t due to a lack of emotion, but rather an inherent fear of vulnerability that is often characteristic of an anxious-avoidant individual.

It’s not easy being in a relationship with someone who struggles to express their feelings clearly, and it can often leave you feeling disconnected. But understanding that it’s not about unwillingness, but rather an internal struggle, can help us approach these situations with more empathy and understanding.

3. They deflect and avoid emotional conversations

You’ve probably noticed it. You bring up an issue that’s been bothering you, hoping for a heart-to-heart conversation. But instead, your partner changes the subject, makes a joke, or finds an excuse to leave the room.

This deflection is a common defense mechanism for those with an anxious-avoidant attachment style. Deep down, they fear that emotional conversations could lead to criticism, rejection, or abandonment. So they deflect and avoid – it’s a survival strategy.

It can be frustrating when your attempts to connect on a deeper level are constantly sidestepped. Yet understanding the root of this behavior can help you approach these situations with more compassion and patience. It’s not about their lack of interest in your feelings, but their struggle to cope with their own.

4. They have a tendency to push you away, then pull you back in

It’s an exhausting dance. You feel like you’ve been pushed away, only to be pulled back in just when you start to distance yourself. This push-and-pull routine can be confusing and emotionally draining.

Anxious-avoidant individuals often fear being too close or too distant. They worry about losing their independence if they’re too close or being abandoned if they’re too distant.

The result? A fluctuating pattern of emotional distance and closeness that can leave you feeling insecure and uncertain.

I delve deeper into this phenomenon in one of my videos:

If you found the video helpful and are interested in exploring more about living with purpose and freedom, you can read more about my philosophy here.

5. They have a strong desire for independence

If your partner often emphasizes their need for space or independence, it could be another sign of their anxious-avoidant attachment style.

They might insist on maintaining separate hobbies, resist making joint decisions, or even avoid moving in together. This fierce need for independence is rooted in their fear of losing their autonomy in the relationship.

But here’s the truth. Independence is essential to personal growth and freedom, but in a relationship, interdependence is equally critical. It’s about finding that balance between maintaining individuality and creating a shared life together.

6. They often have a pessimistic view of relationships

Have you noticed a certain cynicism in your partner’s view of love and relationships? Do they often speak of relationships as limiting, burdensome, or inevitably doomed to fail?

An interesting phenomenon is that anxious-avoidant individuals can often harbor negative beliefs about relationships, stemming from past experiences or deeply ingrained fears. According to research in the field of attachment theory, these negative beliefs can significantly impact their approach to their own relationships.

But here’s the silver lining. Our beliefs are not set in stone. With understanding, patience, and commitment, it is possible to reshape these limiting views and foster a healthier perspective on relationships.

7. They have a history of unstable relationships

If your partner often talks about their past relationships with a sense of instability or volatility, this could be another early sign of an anxious-avoidant attachment style. They may describe a pattern of short-lived relationships, intense breakups, or relationships characterized by constant conflict.

This isn’t about casting judgment on their past. Instead, it’s about understanding the patterns that may be influencing their current behavior.

8. They find it hard to commit

This might not come as a surprise, but an anxious-avoidant individual often finds it hard to commit. Whether it’s avoiding putting a label on the relationship, hesitating to plan a holiday together, or even dodging discussions about future plans – reluctance to commit is a common trait.

But let’s be clear. Commitment isn’t about losing freedom or independence. It’s about choosing to share your journey with someone else, while still honoring your individual paths.

9. They are overly self-reliant

Anxious-avoidant individuals often pride themselves on their self-reliance. They might insist on doing everything themselves and resist asking for help even when they clearly need it.

This over-emphasis on self-reliance is often a protective measure – a way to avoid depending on others and thus minimize the risk of rejection or disappointment.

But here’s the truth: We all need others. Not in a dependent, clinging way, but in a healthy interdependent way that acknowledges our interconnectedness and mutual support.

10. They tend to misinterpret your actions

Ever feel like your partner is constantly misinterpreting your actions or words? Like they’re always on the lookout for signs of rejection or criticism?

Anxious-avoidant individuals often have a heightened sensitivity to perceived slights or rejections. They might misinterpret an innocuous comment as a personal attack or see an innocent action as a sign of distance.

It’s not easy navigating these misinterpretations. But understanding where they’re coming from – a place of fear and insecurity – can help us approach them with more compassion and patience.

Embracing the journey

If you’ve found yourself nodding along with these signs, it’s possible you’re in a relationship with an anxious-avoidant person. This realization can be challenging, but remember, it’s also an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Anxious-avoidant attachment isn’t a life sentence. It’s a starting point for discovery, conversation, and potentially transformative change. Recognizing these signs is the first step towards building a healthier, more empathetic relationship.

But what if you’re unsure about how to navigate this complexity? How do you go about cultivating understanding, patience, and empathy in the face of such challenges?

That’s where my new AI tool, the Wake-Up Call, can make a difference. It’s designed to provide tailored advice based on your unique circumstances. Ask it a question about your life or relationship, share some details, and it will deliver a powerful message to help you break free from autopilot mode and embrace a path of authentic growth.

Try the Wake-Up Call here. It’s like having your own personal guide to help you navigate life’s complexities.